To think SIL is being awkward about this?

[emptybaskets]

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

@CheshireDing well the point was so that I could see her.... but I get what you mean. Would have been a lot easier I agree.

[quote emptybaskets]@slashlover I don't drive. I was on the train, got off in her village (she lives in the next village to me) and then I walked over to her flat to drop off the presents.

I'm waiting for the bus now, hence why I can post on here. [/quote]
The martyrdom on MN never ceases to amaze me (and nice drip feed by way)... why didn't you simply say "sorry we couldn't make it work, I'll give you the pressie next time I see you"

Of course the video came whilst you are still waiting for the bus no doubt in the rain round the corner from their house )

People also expect a video of present being opened/ played with??? Jesus fucking Christ.

@JaniceSopranoJr I didn't expect a video, she brought it up.

You say you haven’t seen her all week

So I assume you saw her last week. Which means you could of seen her open them then? Or at least dropped them off both at your convenience??

@Crunchymum sorry, didn't mean to drip feed. That is why my commute is so long.

I don't know why I get the feeling OP is the type of person who sighs heavily, says 'no, it's ok, it's fine' whilst rolling their eyes and when asked 'are you annoyed?' replies 'I said it was fine, didn't I?' And then goes into a silent sulk, apart from the odd tut.

OP, SIL has her reasons, you have yours. Your niece has her present, you have a video of it, she's happy, you should be happy.

No, she's not.

Op, where was your brother in all this? Didn’t he want to see you, have a natter and a cold beer after the week? Unless you guys don’t get along, I can’t imagine siblings not wanting to have at least a tea and quick chat together.

Your hours at work and travelling sound really exhausting!

I've prioritised my niece 5 days this week but that wasn't good enough
No, you picked a time convenient for you not your niece, that's very different (and selfish)
Drama again, no one has said it wasn't "good enough", just inconvenient for your niece, who this is after all, is supposed to be for.

My only day off is Sunday, at what point do I prioritise my own children/family?
No one has asked you to not prioritise your own family, but that doesn't mean you can try and make demands on other people's time, because you can't fit it all in. Respect their space.

She let her open the presents and she still went to bed on time so I can't see how popping in for 5 minutes would have made any difference.
But why at all would even want to cause the disruption to satisfy your need for a hug off your niece, it's selfish.
But had you been there it wouldn't have been 5 mins, surely your niece would have wanted you to stay and see you ??

As I said will just send a card/cash next time, makes life easier.
I'm sure your SIL would be extremely thankful for that, less drama.

@PurpleDaisies

My point is that she is going to let her open them anyway and probably let her play with them for a few minutes before bedtime, so why can't she let me come in and watch her open them?

Did you miss there’s a lockdown?

Did you miss that not everyone lives in England? Fuck me. At least read the thread (she says she's in Wales) before writing shitty, sarcastic, passive aggressive (not to mention unhelpful) replies.

YABU. Birthday weeks can be very hectic, and she's said come at the weekend. It's not her fault you can't.
I also live in Wales, and I really can't believe you would go into your SIL's house! Totally not allowed - we're not even supposed to visit gardens! No-one I know is breaking that rule. Are all your family and friends being this lax?

Did you miss that not everyone lives in England?

Yes I did.

Did you miss my previous post where I said so?

Crunchymum
Must admit l was waiting for the '.... in bare feet'

Just sitting down now with a glass of wine, pure bliss!

@tigger001 - well yes, I suppose I would have to pick a time convenient for myself because I work. I'm not sure why that makes me selfish? What do you suggest I do in future, book a week off so that SIL has 7 days to choose from? Honestly. Personally I think you are being deliberately obtuse. I've done my very best to accommodate her all week, she's said no. She gave me a 1 day window. Not sure why tonight would have "worked for my niece" when she let her open the presents before bedtime anyway, and she still went to bed at 8pm with no problem. Being called selfish because I wanted to hug my niece is the most bizarre thing I think I've ever heard.

YABU, OP.

• Under current Covid restrictions you shouldn't be mixing with other households indoors (that's the rule in Wales too as far as I know).

• You really shouldn't be pressuring SIL to let you visit so close to niece's bedtime. I've had people do this to me, it's annoying & inconsiderate.. Even a short visit is likely to unsettle her (plus any siblings) & make bedtime more difficult for everyone.

• Gift giving is meant to be for the child...not for you. SIL offering you a video seems more than adequate imo.

• She didn't ask you to leave the gift outside. You offered.

• You say you get on well with SIL, but come across as though you judge her.. in particular her 'only'working part-time.

• Why can't your DH/DB (not sure which of these you're related to her via) take responsibility for dropping off the gift?

@Trut they aren't together. He lives about an hour away from her and the kids.

Ah, thanks @emptybaskets. I think you are an amazing aunt 💐 and your niece will remember what you have done for her, even if her mum is somewhat lacking in social graces

‘I have plans with my own family’

Maybe she does too?

@PreggoFeminist86, yes I did offer to drop the present off outside, but how else am I suppose to get it to her? I've tried to drop it off many other times before but she's never available. She would have never got the present otherwise.

Maybe she doesn't want her seeing you and opening them just before bed and getting excited? Honestly who expects to pop in to visit a child 20 mins before bed time? It will just made bed time harder for them.
If you can't do another day, then it's nice she's sending a video.
There's absolutely nothing at all nasty about her message, you are being very unreasonable- and petty.

@Hkyvvse I do think that is slightly unfair. I get 1 day off to spend with my family, she's had all week (not her fault that I have to work so much) but I do think it would be a bit easier for her to "find the time" to let me pop in for 10 minutes.

@livinlavida I don't have another day though, that was the point I was trying to make.

Ah I couldn't bring myself to get worked up over this. Some people do things differently - I let my DC stay up if family or friends pop by, I'm flexible about most things and don't stick rigidly to routine unless it's necessary. We have friends who are very rigid with bedtimes etc and it's one of those things; you can't change it so you either have to roll with it or step back from it.

Whilst Covid has been happening I've tended to ship birthday cards and gifts directly to the birthday boy or girl rather than try to organise visits. Perhaps worth thinking about next time.