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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think SIL is being awkward about this?

412 replies

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:20

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 27/11/2020 19:27

I didn’t say childish i said churlish as in mean spirited and/or surly.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 19:28

@slashlover I don't drive. I was on the train, got off in her village (she lives in the next village to me) and then I walked over to her flat to drop off the presents.

I'm waiting for the bus now, hence why I can post on here.

OP posts:
hobbyiscodefordogging · 27/11/2020 19:29

Bit odd to be so hung up on watching her open the present. SIL not necessarily being awkward but also not going out of her way to be helpful, maybe she wondered why you left it to the last minute to arrange dropping off the present (why not in the days/week running up to her birthday?)

YABVU to act like a petulant child and say you're not going to make much effort for your niece in future and will just stick money in a card.

OneForMeToo · 27/11/2020 19:29

Thing is my sil does this with the whole I must must really really want to see her open the presents/on her birthday.

Oh I’ll pop around Niece presents this evening so I can see her after school on her birthday 🎉 🥳

5pm...6pm...7pm (bedtime)... 8pm text “hey just about to head over”...

Her birthday is the same date every year yet no effort goes in to make sure niece has her present before her birthday to open on the day or come around before her bedtime. Sil also finishes work before the bedtime. Now dh just gets the presents off her at the door as she’s in bed. Sil gets the hump, gets reminded she knows when bedtime is but she’s a bit of a princess who’s always late and time is so so much more important than anyone else’s. In fact shes come at 10pm once on a school night to give a birthday present.

slashlover · 27/11/2020 19:29

I've said many times I've given her a choice of 5 evenings which she's said no to. She's given me a 1 day window which just so happens to be my only day off.

So Mon-Friday don't suit her, Saturday and Sunday don't suit you (and as much as you're saying that's more, it's 5 very limited times vs 2 all days).

My nephews birthday was in April. Neither of us drive, there's no Post Office in my town and I had already bought his present so he ended up not receiving it until July. He really didn't care.

Happygogoat · 27/11/2020 19:29

@Grooticle

I don’t take from her message that she’s letting your niece open them tonight - it just says she’ll video her opening them. That could be on the weekend. I don’t really see a problem here.
This!

Also a visitor with presents before bedtime is not ideal for me tbh. I would probably ask for another time.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 19:30

@hobbyiscodefordogging I tried to drop off her present on Monday (day before her birthday) but they weren't in. Can't leave presents outside as there is no safe place. Tried again on Tuesday and so on but no luck. Never mind, it's done now.

OP posts:
emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 19:32

I imagine that must be very frustrating for you to deal with every year @OneForMeToo but I came straight from work and 30 minutes before bedtime. Only wanted to pop in and give her a kiss and a cuddle and wish her a happy birthday since I haven't been able to see her all week.

OP posts:
Fuckitsstillraining · 27/11/2020 19:34

It amazes me that people are fussed about seeing kids open gifts, the gift is for the childs benefit not to make the giver feel good. The child is getting her gifts, she knows that you left them for her, isn't that all that matters. To be honest, I wouldn't have even offered to do the video. Its pressure on the child to look delighted, act pleased etc. What if the child says 'ugh, I don't like that', will you be annoyed at that too?

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 19:36

SIL just sent the video. Niece looked really pleased bless her. Still not sure why I couldn't just come in for 5 minutes, but never mind. I'm just going to forget about it now.

OP posts:
tigger001 · 27/11/2020 19:39

Still not sure why I couldn't just come in for 5 minutes, but never mind.

And there we have it, still oblivious.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 19:40

@tigger001 obviously we disagree. She let her open them anyway, not sure why she couldn't let me come in for 5 minutes to give her a kiss and a cuddle but there we are. Just glad she liked them.

OP posts:
hobbyiscodefordogging · 27/11/2020 19:41

Why are you making it all about you? You're being a bit weird about it tbh.

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 27/11/2020 19:42

[quote emptybaskets]@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC I haven't spat my dummy out at all. As I said it's been pointed out many times that our schedules clash and because I can't leave presents outside as there is no safe place, it just makes sense to give cash in future. [/quote]
OP you aren't stupid, you know as well as anyone else that you could post her a present Hmm and that your initial stropping about putting money in a card was just that, stropping.

You do seem to have realised how petulant you sounded hence walking it back now. Which is good news for your niece, and for you, life is infinitely more exhausting when we imagine ourselves victims of perfectly ordinary situations.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 19:44

All forgotten now, just glad she liked them! Just waiting for the bus home to see my own kids after a long day in work, and yes they are allowed to stay up past 8 LOL

Thanks everyone Smile have a nice weekend!

OP posts:
tigger001 · 27/11/2020 19:45

She let her open them anyway, not sure why she couldn't let me come in for 5 minutes to give her a kiss and a cuddle but there we are. Just glad she liked them.

Because it's not about you and you giving her a kiss and cuddle. They clearly gave you that opportunity which you opted not to prioritise your niece for and wanted it when you wanted it, that fitted you, not your niece.

Yes at least she liked it, next time plan a little earlier to avoid the pressure being put on people.

PaperTowels · 27/11/2020 19:46

[quote emptybaskets]@tigger001 obviously we disagree. She let her open them anyway, not sure why she couldn't let me come in for 5 minutes to give her a kiss and a cuddle but there we are. Just glad she liked them. [/quote]
Do you realise there's a pandemic on, at all? We're not supposed to go in other people's houses atm, let alone "kiss and cuddle" them!

delightfuldaisy19 · 27/11/2020 19:46

Yeah - she's a pain in the arse. She would massively irritate me.

Women like that with their perfect family time/dance classes/bedtime fascism generally irritate the hell out of me.

Seriously have a glass of wine, call her some names and move on.

nicky7654 · 27/11/2020 19:46

Yes your SIL is being awkward. I would be inclined to post present next year.

confusedx3 · 27/11/2020 19:48

I hate people coming over on week days in the evenings. it totally screws bedtime routines and I end up feeling flustered and almost like I'm willing them to go home so I can get the bubba to bed as she gets so upset when shes overtired. truthfully. I wouldnt of invited you in half hour before bedtime either, it's not mean it's just realistic.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/11/2020 19:50

Seriously have a glass of wine, call her some names and move on 😂🤣 great idea.
Don't mind her OP it may not have been convenient to spare 5 mins Hmm Personally I think she was rude.

Trut · 27/11/2020 19:50

Op I get yer. It would be unbelievably rude in my family if we didn’t invite you in, and then after the present opening and dn going to bed, ply you with food and drink 😊 that’s what families do!

raeya · 27/11/2020 19:52

@emptybaskets I'm totally with you OP. You've gone out your way to drop it off, she could've opened the door at least. It's very rude tbh. I have a young toddler, we don't have visitors much but the times we do, routines do go out the window, you deal with it and you weren't talking a big deviation on bed time tonight if anything. It is a Friday night after all, not like there's school tomo.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 19:53

@tigger001 I've prioritised my niece 5 days this week but that wasn't good enough. My only day off is Sunday, at what point do I prioritise my own children/family? I also did plan ahead but unfortunately she wasn't available on those days either. She let her open the presents and she still went to bed on time so I can't see how popping in for 5 minutes would have made any difference. As I said will just send a card/cash next time, makes life easier.

@delightfuldaisy19 brilliant! 😆 I definitely need a glass of wine tonight.

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 27/11/2020 19:55

God what a performance OP.

I hate people who buy a present then keep texting me to arrange when to drop it off, they bought the present but then here’s me having to negotiate availability in between wrangling small children and work.

You said she has free time in the week, pointless statement as you’re at work.

Why make your 3 hour commute even longer !? Just go home to your own family.

Next year just use Parcel2Go and get it picked up from your hone or work and posted straight to her, baffled why you can’t do that!

Are people in Wales allowed to hug and party and go in each other’s houses then in a pandemic? Do viruses not cross borders !?

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