To think SIL is being awkward about this?

[emptybaskets]

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

You're the unreasonable one. If you're that bothered about seeing her open her presents, then hang on to them until a more convenient time.

Oh god I can't get over the drip feed.
She has no contact with your Dbro that's an entirely different situation she isn't your SIL or your family.
Post the next gift.

Yes she is being a bit odd / awkward About it

@BoyTree how many times should I have tried to arrange to see them though? I'm not trying to argue with you, that is a genuine question. I tried for a week, albeit it was during the evening and not for very long (as most of the posters have pointed out) but I have tried all week to see them.

You offered the same 30 mins before bed-time on different days. It's not so much a question of 'how many times' and it's more about you being more flexible and not expecting her to meet at a time she's said is not convenient. Offering the same inconvenient time on different days is not the same as offering a handful of different times.

@EmeraldShamrock

Oh god I can't get over the drip feed. She has no contact with your Dbro that's an entirely different situation she isn't your SIL or your family. Post the next gift.

Yes, I said the same thing earlier. I’m really surprised more posters haven’t picked up on it.

to passive aggressively hand-deliver a parcel

😂 didn't realise a parcel could be passively aggressively given

Why shouldn't she her her SiL?
She's the mother of her niece, the actual relationship with the brother doesn't matter. You think the thread title should be "Aibu To Think the woman who give birth to my brothers daughter but they are no longer actually together, and in fact lives an hour away, Is being Awkward About This?"

OP, this thread is bonkers. It's not a drip feed to say that SIL has no relationship with the brother. It's irrelevant. The child is still OP's niece. Lots of mothers would be grateful that their ex's family are still making an effort. While that should be a given, it often doesn't happen. Calling the family weird is just plain rude.
Many posters would describe her as SIL, for ease.

OP they're busy and don't want you round getting her excited before bedtime, especially when it's just been her birthday and she's probabky over tired anyway. It would be mental to rearrange their plans or not go to a planned hobbey just because a grown adult can't wait till the next weekend to give the niece her pressie. It might well be that your sil would much prefer you to give a much simpler present next year if it means you get less highly strung and demanding about delivering it. I know I would.

[quote emptybaskets]@tigger001 I've given her a choice of 5 evenings.... which I have stated many times. She's asked me to come round on my 1 day off! I don't think that's a compromise personally. [/quote]
But you didn't really, you say it would be 7.30pm on any evening, she says that is too late. So you didn't really offer 5 options.

Basically you wanted to come straight from work, that was too late for niece so you were told to come anytime over the weekend. That doesn't suit you.

I feel you are being a bit mean - like saying you won't buy niece a present again (would give money) because you didn't get to see her open it?

I can see both view points, but your posts don't come across as very kind so yabu.

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC

I suspect the underlying issue here is that the OP sees her FT job as Very Important and her life as much harder than SIL's, and her SIL's PT job, more SAHM-esque home life, presumable receipt of UC/child maintenance, etc. etc. as luxuriously flexible.

The SIL not accommodating her is therefore a slap in her hard-working, tax-paying, non-bon-bon-eating face. Hence the huffing about various villages at gone 7 o'clock on a Friday evening to passive aggressively hand-deliver a parcel, the existence of the postal service notwithstanding.

Spot on! Pretty much every post mentions that sil has plenty of free time apparently.....

Interestingly, op was snippy with a pp who asked if she has dc, saying its there in her op.

The op talks more about work, how she is out 0630 to 1930 every day etc, only one day free a week which she spends with family. Didn't occur to me at all she meant dc, I assumed extended family.

I'm guessing you don't have children.
Can see your point of view but from a parents point of view I never want visitors in the hour leading up to bedtime.
There's trying to get them to eat tea (never a quick job), then there's cleaning up after tea whilst making sure the kids have a bath, brush teeth, book and bed.
It's not just a quick see someone, open presents and get excited then have shiny new toys taken away and straight to bed and sleep like you might think!

I'm guessing you don't have children
Why dont people RTT even the OP's posts.
OP does have DC. This lady is NOT OP's dsil.

No, I think YABU. they are busy. you have had a whole year to send them, why are you doing this on the day or afterwards?

@emptybaskets i have a genuine question here. i have never understood the whole "watching them open their gifts" thing. i actually cant think of many things more uncomfortable than someone watching me open a gift theyve bought. In our families everyone just drops off the gifts before the day and thats it. Nobody has requested this, its just how it happens. One christmas morning my lovely MIL did ask to come round and watch DC open their gifts. She could only come at 11am as she had caring obligations beforehand and we didnt feel it was fair on (young) DC to make them wait to open things so said she was welcome to come but we werent making them wait for her. She was fine about it.

We send thank you cards to people and also I usually take a small video of DC opening some bits / running round excited and send that out on a text on the day.

So, my question.... do you always go round to family members when you give a gift and watch them open it? and similarly do your DC open their gifts in front of the people who have bought them for them? For instance will your SIL come round on your DCs birthdays and watch them open them? if so it must take so much time on the day to have every family member come and watch. is the entire day spent with family? it sounds lovely as i write it actually, to have people drop by and have DC take time to open every gift and see that person. I just cant imagine that being my entire day.

As we’re in lockdown at the moment you shouldn’t be going into people’s houses. Far better to just leave present on the doorstep and not make a fuss. Children are big spreaders of Covid so probably just as well SIL is keeping you out. Video idea is good and thoughtful.

You say SIL can be unreasonable if things don't go her way but right now you're describing yourself.

You asked if SIL is being unreasonable and the majority say she's not, as do I.

Her message isn't rude at all and even if she is being a bit awkward, frankly, so are you because not only are you the one throwing a fit here because things aren't going your way but actually, maybe you should have taken these presents BEFORE DN birthday.

As a parent I can't tell you how bloody annoying it is when relatives drop off birthday presents late. Kids want their presents on time and sometimes they get really upset when they don't recieve a present on their actual birthday from their beloved relative. You may work but you've had all year to choose these presents, the least you can do is get them there on time. Maybe then you might get what you want. As it is, you've no right to complain about anything.

You gave them the choice of 5 evenings... evenings don't suit them so that doesn't count as a compromise on your part. Weekends suit them, but you don't want to give up your free time, much like they don't want to give up theirs on the only night out of 5 when they haven't had plans. You're doing the same thing as them.

I think YANBU but maybe a bit sensitive. I’m not surprised with the length on your day out for almost 13 hours? You’re probably tired and frazzled and feeling a bit judged. Just forget it enjoy the video.

[quote emptybaskets]@Dishwashersaurous I'm on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday is my only day off to spend time with my own children, clean/tidy the house, sort out homework etc. Hard enough as it is without having to drag the kids out to drop presents off. I have a feeling she would probably find another excuse as to why we can't come in on Sunday to. [/quote]
You're being equally as awkward and doing exactly the same thing as your SIL.

@emptybaskets

My brother has absolutely nothing to do with her. Contact is via my mum in regards to the girls. I can see why, she is difficult.

Youre lucky you got invited to come on Sunday with your attitude.

I think she may be trying to distance herself from you.

@FelicisNox did you not read the thread? I've already said a few times that I tried to drop off the present before her birthday but they were unavailable then to.

@Sparkletastic yes I suspect so to. Shame really as I've never involved myself in any of her and my brother's disagreements/problems. That's up to them to sort. I would of hoped things between us could have stayed the same (seems a shame to fall out with the whole family for no reason) but there we go.

[quote emptybaskets]@FelicisNox did you not read the thread? I've already said a few times that I tried to drop off the present before her birthday but they were unavailable then to. [/quote]
As far as I can tell you tried 1 evening before. Not even the weekend before, which given your working/commuting hours would have made more sense.