To take DD home from playground because she wouldn't do her coat up

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

DD 3.5yrs refusing to let me do her coat up as she wanted to show everyone in the playground her new dress. (Several people had commented on it on our way in).
After several times telling her that I needed to do her coat up and explaining why (because its cold) and her refusing, I said we were going home (again, explained lots of times we would go home if she wouldnt do her coat up).
DD hysterically crying all the way back to the car and back home.
Am I out of order for taking her home?

Thesearmsofmine

Interesting that you haven’t answered me at all.

@flaviaritt

How do you stop them eating it if they’re out of arms reach?

With my child, I would say “Stop!” And she would stop. Because she does as she is told.

So hang on, your advice is to punish them 100% of the time they don’t listen to you, even if what you’ve threatened is ridiculous so that on the off-chance a friend drops something that may or may not be a pill, your child will respond to command, like a dog?

Wow, so many people like @ATowelAndAPotato* @WitchFindersAreEverywhere saying "threat made, you have to follow through", which I guess was the flashing "mumsnet doctrine" light in your mind when you dished out what seems to be a pretty disproportionate punishment. No you don't. You don't have to appear infallible to your child, or anyone, because that would be false.*

This is a really valid point. You don't have to follow through on everything you ever say. One of the best lessons you can teach your children is that adults err. They make mistakes. They say things they don't mean. It's productive in terms of growing a decent human being. All these cunts that are never wrong and won't apologise or back down that we read about daily in here, particularly the relationship board; is that really what we are aiming for our children to be? Because if you don't teach them adults are just normal people who get things wrong they will grow into adults who think they can never be wrong, regardless of what they do.

So hang on, your advice is to punish them 100% of the time they don’t listen to you, even if what you’ve threatened is ridiculous so that on the off-chance a friend drops something that may or may not be a pill, your child will respond to command, like a dog?

I didn’t say I punished her every time she didn’t listen. There is an expectation that my small child does as she is told, and as a result she has never come to harm. If you think that is “like a dog”, I just hope you don’t have any small children at this clearly very odd stage in your life.

@flaviaritt

So hang on, your advice is to punish them 100% of the time they don’t listen to you, even if what you’ve threatened is ridiculous so that on the off-chance a friend drops something that may or may not be a pill, your child will respond to command, like a dog?

I didn’t say I punished her every time she didn’t listen. There is an expectation that my small child does as she is told, and as a result she has never come to harm. If you think that is “like a dog”, I just hope you don’t have any small children at this clearly very odd stage in your life.

Does what she’s told or else what?

Why would I answer a question that is totally made up and has no relevance to the OP? You want to try and trip me up but it isn’t going no to happen.

Thesearmsofmine

It is very relevant. This is a discussion about whether small children should be expected to follow instructions. There was an example of a child running into the road (also not directly relevant to the content of the OP) because it was illustrative of negative consequences of not teaching your children this. You responded to that one. But it was flawed, so I came up with a better one. You can’t answer it without losing the argument, so you’re going to pretend it is irrelevant to the argument.

as a result she has never come to harm

No. That's mostly luck.

Does what she’s told or else what?

We use a range of age-appropriate consequences. That has nothing to do with it.

SoupDragon

There is some luck involved. But no, it’s not mostly luck at all. She is parented properly.

@flaviaritt

Thesearmsofmine

It is very relevant. This is a discussion about whether small children should be expected to follow instructions. There was an example of a child running into the road (also not directly relevant to the content of the OP) because it was illustrative of negative consequences of not teaching your children this. You responded to that one. But it was flawed, so I came up with a better one. You can’t answer it without losing the argument, so you’re going to pretend it is irrelevant to the argument.

It’s not, it’s a discussion on whether you should threaten your child, then blindly follow those threats through for some reason nobody can justify, in order to have blind obedience in case that kid picks up something from the floor that may or may not be a pill.

What happens if she doesn’t listen to you?

@flaviaritt

Does what she’s told or else what?

We use a range of age-appropriate consequences. That has nothing to do with it.

Such as?

@flaviaritt

SoupDragon

There is some luck involved. But no, it’s not mostly luck at all. She is parented properly.

How old is she? This very small child who you punish when she doesn’t listen to you?

Pumperthepumper

It really is a discussion about (among other things) whether you should expect your small children to do as they are told without requiring an explanation.

And as I have illustrated above, yes, you absolutely should expect it, or they might come to harm.

How old is she? This very small child who you punish when she doesn’t listen to you?

She’s 4.

It’s irrelevant what the consequences are. They’re appropriate. That’s all.

At DS's school there are children arriving looking like they are on one of those Lapland holidays. People seem to have a real thing for bundling kids up in huge amounts of clothing. DS prefers to just have his T shirt on top and will only put his coat on if he's exceptionally cold. I'm sure people judge but so far he's in good health and I have far bigger battles to address. He hates being out in the cold for a prolonged time though so maybe he's like me and hates restrictive clothing.

@flaviaritt

It’s irrelevant what the consequences are. They’re appropriate. That’s all.

No it isn’t - you have blind obedience from your four year old to the extent she has a 100% response rate to your command word, and that’s what keeps her safe 100% of the time your friends drop pills (or not pills). So actually, these punishments are very relevant to this thread.

Pumperthepumper

They are not.

@flaviaritt

Pumperthepumper

They are not.

Of course they are! Punishments to make a four year old 100% compliant? Share your wisdom!

you have blind obedience from your four year old to the extent she has a 100% response rate to your command word

Is anyone else feeling a little sad for this child?

Anyway the posts don't make sense, if you have to use your secret age appropriate consequences she obviously doesn't always obey your commands. One of those times could well be when she does something new and dangerous so you can't say your training is the reason she hasn't come to any harm yet

Pumperthepumper

They are not relevant and that is the last time I am going to say that. Enjoy your day.

@flaviaritt

Pumperthepumper

They are not relevant and that is the last time I am going to say that. Enjoy your day.

Except of course they are, you’re just a coward. Hope it’s not a physical punishment, which I suspect it is. What a bully.

@flaviaritt

SoupDragon

There is some luck involved. But no, it’s not mostly luck at all. She is parented properly.

This so funny. You do know that millions of children are patented differently and have also come to no harm? In fact my own three children have never come to harm, nor have the hundreds of children I have been paid to look after while in my care, so from your own viewpoint, I must be doing it properly.

satnighttakeaway

I really don’t care what you think of my parenting. Usually she does as she is told and that’s great for her because it keeps her safe. But naturally on occasion she misbehaves. That’s when she receives consequences. You can wring your hands all you like.