Lodger thinks house is hers

[Amy3030]

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

Sorry, 2 WEEKS.

YABU not to have kicked her out ages ago. Her behaviour is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t even give her a weeks notice. Give her two days. She is stealing from you.

Considering she has stolen from you, I would just ask her to leave as soon as possible. She can stay in a hotel or at a friends.

Wow! she needs to go.

For next time, you should have been firmer about the other stuff creeping in- fridge space and craft stuff everywhere- but you've obviously been otherwise occupied.

Doesn't really matter though, stealing and lying about an object worth hundreds would be the absolute final straw.

Don't give her any reasons to argue with, just the agreed notice, in writing and verbally.

And lock up/ take to your mum's any valuables until she has gone. You don't want anything else going missing. I would probably change the locks too, she sounds shameless.

Good for you OP, it's definitely time for her to go. In regards to using hot water and electric etc, I feel like that's more tip of the iceberg in this case and wouldn't be something you'd clock as much with someone else; but make sure you charge enough in the rent to cover it fairly. I know it's finger in the air when setting a price and they could use less/more, but they'll agree to a price (or not and won't move in), make sure it's reasonable for you as well. Set boundaries up front, yes someone should feel at home too, but not at your expense and shouldn't be stealing your stuff.

Don't just give her notice. Tell her that in the meantime she has three days to remove the excess crap she's put everywhere and provide a replacement bottle of champagne or you'll be putting out the excess as rubbish yourself.

Is she Feathers McGraw?
Seriously, you know what to do.

You could do this two ways:
"I am extremely unhappy about your drinking my champagne while I was away, and I no longer want a lodger, so I am asking you to move out, the sooner the better, but no longer than 4 weeks"

or

"Really sorry, lodger, there is no easy way to say this, but I need to give you notice. I feel now that I have come to the end of wanting to have a lodger, I need my space and time alone in my space when I come back from visiting my Mum and sharing just doesn't suit my needs at the moment. So please accept 4 weeks notice - I hope you find somewhere quickly. Obviously if you find somewhere sooner I won't take the whole 4 weeks rent"

Oh OP - after reading your post I just want to hug you.
THIS IS YOUR HOUSE!!!!! - you are the mortgage payer, the bill payer!! she just contributes ! nothing is in her name.
Please do not spend ONE MORE night out in the cold with this woman.
Why don't you say that you want your mother to move in with you as it's easier for her to be looked after at your house.
She can't say JACK ALL to that!
This woman sounds horrific, I would have lost it at the champagne drinking! she wants to drive you out of your own home.
Please go and give her immediate notice and reclaim your house back.

Give her 4 weeks, telling her that you need to move your poorly mum in.

I'm so sorry your mum is ill 💐 OP, I mean this kindly, but you have some assertiveness issues. This person has been consistently crossing boundaries and you have been letting her.

The thing with the champagne is the bit that really stands out to me. You know you didn't drink it, ergo she must have. Yet you felt the need to hunt through the trash for the cork - look what this situation has turned you into.

She is a lodger, not a tenant, so has minimal rights. I'd give her the minimum legal required notice as she has stolen from you and lied when confronted.

Going forward, I think some counseling to address the reasons behind your issues enforcing boundaries would be helpful for you. I say this as your OP reminds me of a younger me and I am so much happier now I can be assertive. I know it will be so hard for you to tell her to leave, but she has to go, you cannot live like this (hugs).

Just say you've decided you don't want a lodger anymore. It's your house. Take it back. Give her whatever notice period you agreed and that's that!

Did you have a deposit from her? If so keep the costs of replacement knives from her. I'd also try and plan to be around when she does leave and is packing up so you can make sure she doesn't take anything else, and keep any valuables somewhere else temporarily, just in case

Yeah, get back up. Have a friend come round (one of your more no-nonsense ones!) for when you tell her to go. You have a witness and support if she turns nasty. Lodger has to go, dreadful behaviour.

Oh, if you have another lodger set out clear expectations and 'rules' in writing before they move in then it's crystal clear.

Apart from the bath vs shower thing (a waste of water, yes, but otherwise minor) she is massively taking the piss.
Tell her to leave.

If she refuses to go, when the time comes, you are within your rights to call the police as she will be trespassing in your home.

Wow she definitely needs to go! someone like that is not suited to being a lodger, she needs a place of her own. Lodgers do not behave like this. You should not have put up with it for as long as you have.

Where was the Champagne?
I would go around and remember be your expensive things to your mum's till the lodger has gone.
I would also be there when she moves out.

Crikey. Boot her now. Do you have to give as much time as 4 weeks? That takes you right into Christmas so will be a hassle.

Get rid of her that is awful. Good luck OP X

I thought you might be exaggerating a bit until you got to the champagne - that is unforgivable. It's theft. Serve notice and kick her out. Just tell her your financial circumstances have changed and you don't need a lodger anymore

Give her notice immediately, get her out as soon as possible. She sounds bloody awful and you should not feel like that in you own home.

Tell her to leave. You have let her walk all over you, it’s YOUR home and don’t forget that.

She is also likely to take your items with her so ensure that she only leaves with her own belongings.

If she tries to give excuses about not finding anywhere else to live you must stand firm. Her next rental is not your problem or choice.

Yep, it's a no brainer. This is her home too, on a shared basis, but even half of the examples you list represent inappropriate behaviour for anyone sharing.