Lodger thinks house is hers

[Amy3030]

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

I'm still waiting to read what the lodger actually said when she told her. 19 pages and not even a retelling of what the awful lodger said 😞

Single white female that’s all I can think about can’t stop in actual fact should give a warning to next people too. Check your bank statements check your house is not the only thing she’s taken over ☹️😔

& change the locks XX

Where do you live OP? I'd honestly love to go down there and show this horrid woman where the door is.

Yes, please do tell! There's such good advice on here; lock up your valuables, have a friend with you, etc. Do hope it's trouble-free. We're all right behind you!

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....

What planet is this person on !!!!! I would definitely go back on the 4 week notice now & TELL her she has 24 hrs to vacate YOUR property with all of her stuff.

The sooner you get this VILE, ENERGY SUCKING VAMPIRE out of YOUR house & life, the better.

Whilst she is leaving play Irreplaceable by Beyonce on maximum volume.

Please get your locks changed as soon as she vacates.

Just because 4 weeks takes you to Christmas doesn't mean the lodger is being thrown out on Christmas day. She can leave before that.

@CaptainMyCaptain My thoughts exactly. It's actually a smart move by OP. She is being very reasonable giving the lodger four weeks' notice but because of the date if falls on I would hope she will move out sooner.

I do hope things go smoothly OP and you can once again feel comfortable in your own home so you can relax and focus your energies on your mum.

I hope op is ok, not heard from her for a while. Please check in dear. Keep strong! but more importantly keep yourself safe. 💪

Amy3030
Deep breaths and go it.

There are some people with personalities like your lodger. No boundaries, entitled, selfish. They just keep pushing and pushing

My DS has lodgers and he is having to repeatedly have words with one in particular as she’s taking over space a little at a time in small increments. But she pays regularly her rent snd during pandemic he’s been uneasy to end the arrangement. He’s now given her notice to leave after Xmas and if she starts using extra space, he’d need to start changing her extra

Let us know how things work out with your cheeky lodger

I'm surprised everyone is insisting on op giving lodger notice. No one has even given her a chance to change yet! Op should sit her down and tell her first, at least!

@Oblomov20

I'm surprised everyone is insisting on op giving lodger notice. No one has even given her a chance to change yet! Op should sit her down and tell her first, at least!

Have you read the OP properly? The lodger has stolen something worth hundreds of pounds. I wouldn't give a thief living in my house a "chance to change".

You need to give her notice fast. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, get a 3rd party to do it. With a clear date to leave.
Warning:
Do not give in to any sob story that will inevitably ensue.*

Poor you! She has completely taken over hasn't she. The thievery I wouldn't stand for. Can you look it up and see if it was worth anything? Yes as others have said be careful she doesn't take any of your stuff as she leaves. I'd be watching her pack.

Good luck. Can you take a couple of days off at teh end of her notice period to make sure she doesn't inadvertently pack up a load of your stuff. She clearly has no compunction in using what is not hers - like the champagne - so you need to be sure she doesn't just nab everything.

Start packing up her stuff like the stuff in the dining room, reclaim your space. You can do as much of it now or as little, but start making the rooms how you want them and not how she does.

Be tough with her. You don't care that she doesn't want her stuff packed up, you want your dining room back and that trumps her. Really, be firm and don't give another inch. Tell her she has to take showers and move all her bathroom stuff so it's not in your way. Hide the bathplug.

Start soaking your oven shelves in the bath so she can't use it anyway. Apparently covering oven shelves in foil and soaking them in the bath with a dishwasher tab miraculously lifts the dirt enough to just wipe off.

When you've done that, you can put a load of fabric in there, curtains or the sofa cover, you need to soak them. Keep renewing the water day after day.... there are lots of things youc an do which will tie up the bath for days at a time. I'm sure you can think of something large, heavy and awkward which you are just storing in the bath "for the moment, and anyway you agreed to no baths and the shower's available"

I'm sure that once you get into the mindset you'll be able to think of lots of things you can do which are reasonable for a householder to do but which push her back to what you both agreed to in the beginning.

Did she pay a refundable deposit? That'll go some way towards ocmpensating you for hte loss of the champagne..

OP is not coming back.

Op if you're reading this, please don't hide under the duvet and let her take over your home just for a quiet life - it will NOT be quiet.... The crap will increase & increase. Until soon, she'll be laying down the laws to you and you'll be the lodger who happens to be paying the bills, in your own home!

Amy3030
Free Amy by Christmas

Time for her to go

Not sure if this will send.

You must get rid of her I think she's had her way for to long and won't be willing to change. I think you need to get a friend or help in to sort the situation and give her notice its your home and you can't stay out in the cold walking the streets you must take charge back. Best of luck.

Sod that you need to get rid of her asap. Its your house not hers. If someone dis that to me I would be chucking their stuff out the door and keeping the money for the champagne. Good luck

I must say I would have booted out your lodger when she stole the champagne. You can't have a thief in the house.

Give her notice, all good.