Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 20 21

Original poster

Lodger thinks house is hers

519 replies

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 12:15

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP posts:

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 27/11/2020 13:29

Just give her 4 weeks notice to leave

Do not give her 4 weeks! Lodgers aren't entitled to notice periods, you can tell her to get out today if you want to!

Bluntness100 · 27/11/2020 13:29

[quote Eckhart]@Bluntness100

Look give me her number, I’ll do it for you

I feel like perhaps we should all just go round, and make sure she's gone by the end of the day![/quote]
I’m in.

Op. I’d also lie, just say a family member has fallen on hard times and needs to move in, egg it up and explain you need to give four weeks notice, hand it to her, or tell her you’ll email it. And just walk away.

stschiap · 27/11/2020 13:29

Give her notice.
Tell her that her things have to be removed from the dining room before then - eg. within 24 hours. If she doesn't do it I'd box all the stuff up and put it outside the door to her room. If you do that she will know that you mean business about her having to move out at the end of the notice period too.

I had to get rid of an ex and I gave him a month to get out as we were in a foreign country and it was more difficult to find somewhere. It looked like he wasn#t going to go so I asked him every 3 or 4 days if he'd made arrangements as he'd need to be out on x date. He did organize something in the end but he was pushing it to see if he could get away with staying longer. This lodger will do the same so it needs to be absolutely clear she is going and it is non-negotiable! It needs to go in writing to and I'd probably try to have a friend round when you tell her and give her the letter. Back up with an e-mail too.

And for the next time, make sure your boundaries are in place. The first time some crap gets left lying around in a room that the lodger is not supposed to be using you need to ask them politely to remove it. The first time they take over the fridge you remind them that you've allocated particular shelves so that you both have space. The first time they take over the bathroom you remind them that they have this allocated space and you have the other space.
You don't need to be a dictator, You don't need to be mean. You need to be assertive to make sure it's fair for everyone.
Also, maybe charge more for rent and bills because if a lodger wants to have loads of baths and showers then they can do so. If they want to run x, y and z electrical devices in their rooms they can do so. You need to be prepared for them to be much less frugal with things like that as you are. So to avoid you feeling resentful about this and you having to subsidize their extra baths, make sure you charge enough.

flaviaritt · 27/11/2020 13:30

I feel like perhaps we should all just go round, and make sure she's gone by the end of the day!

Like in The Full Monty.

Bluntness100 · 27/11/2020 13:31

@LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb

Just give her 4 weeks notice to leave

Do not give her 4 weeks! Lodgers aren't entitled to notice periods, you can tell her to get out today if you want to!

That’s unlikely to work though to be honest. Sometimes you need to be realistic. Where is she going to go and how’s she going to get everything out in the next few hours, it’s better rhe op handles it kindly and gives her time to find her new place. Otherwise it could become very messy indeed and I don’t think the ops got the stomach for it

BlueThistles · 27/11/2020 13:32

[quote Eckhart]@Bluntness100

Look give me her number, I’ll do it for you

I feel like perhaps we should all just go round, and make sure she's gone by the end of the day![/quote]
I'm coming too !!!

FatCatThinCat · 27/11/2020 13:32

Do you have to give any notice if she's stealing from you? I wouldn't want a theif in my house a minute longer. She'd be out on her arse with immediate effect, although I'd give her a week to remove her stuff, at an agreed time as she'd be having no unsupervised time in my home.

MaTrottinetteElectrique · 27/11/2020 13:32

Blame COVID - a frail relative is coming here so I can care for them and due to vulnerability issues you have to leave no later than x date.

katy1213 · 27/11/2020 13:34

It doesn't matter how you tell her. You just tell her.

steppemum · 27/11/2020 13:35

The trouble with lying about the reason (eg I'm moving my mum in) is that then you need to give her reasonable notice.
And yes you do need to give her reasonable notice.
If she pays her rent monthly, then by the end of one month is reasonable.

BUT she is being asked to leave due to behaviour, so the OP can ask her to leave with much less/no notice.
Now it is likely to go better if you say out by the end of the week, rather than 24hrs, but OP doesn't need ot give her a month, and given that 1 month from today is Christmas, much better to not have to give a month.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/11/2020 13:36

Tell her to leave - but whenever you get a chance, dispose of dome of her crap (eg pour her shampoo down the sink, bin/destroy some craft items, and if she says anything tell her you know-nothing about it.

Have you been in her room since she moved in? If she ever goes out, get in there'd find your knives.

steppemum · 27/11/2020 13:36

I'll come and help get rid too!
Where are you OP?

2bazookas · 27/11/2020 13:36

Well, you don't need much notice to get rid of a lodger, and its time you did

Alethiometrical · 27/11/2020 13:37

put times and dates in.

Dining room and bathroom clear this weekend, by Sunday night, or you will clear them.
Fridge cleared so only one shelf and half door occupied by Sunday night too.
Nothing further to be added to the freezer.

Leave with all possessions by xx date.

Money for champagne and kitchen knives padi in full or deducted from deposit.

This is an excellent list. And it looks like there'd be a MN posse to help you if you needed it!

I've had lodgers on & off over about 30 years or so of home-owning. It's horrible to have to live with a sense of warfare in one's own home, which should be a refuge.

And I know what that 'creeping entitlement' is like, and how it can happen - you are a reasonable, kind person (most people are) and you think "Oh well, it's her home as well." It is incremental.

But when it gets to what you outline in your OP - She Has To Go and soon. 2 weeks' notice at the most.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/11/2020 13:37

If she claims she has too much stuff, remind her that that isn't your concern. She can get a storage unit if necessary, but it needs to be out at the same time as she is.

firsttimemumlou · 27/11/2020 13:37

I think she needs to go but I also think you need a clearer agreement with any future lodger about the parameters of the house. Yabu about the baths though. And you could mention the heater noise at night but she should be allowed to use the plugs during the day. When you include bills expect that people will use more energy than if they were paying and account for that in the price asked.
Tell her the shoe rack belongs in her room and not your space

If you get another lodger:
‘This is your shelf in the fridge’
‘I have got this basket for your cosmetics and shampoos if you wish to keep them in the bathroom so it doesn’t get too cluttered’
‘The living room and kitchen are for communal use, the dining room isn’t.’

Make it clear than any theft and they will be asked to leave

Also I don’t think it’s been an issue this time but I would make a point of making visitor rules for future lodgers

Personally if I had a dining room and a lodger I would turn that into a living room space so that we didn’t have to share a living room and only shared a kitchen and bathroom.

Ilovemypantry · 27/11/2020 13:38

Definitely time to ask the lodger to move on....don’t put up with this despicable behaviour a moment longer.

Palmtree3 · 27/11/2020 13:39

She sounds awful.
Please do give her the boot. If you rely on a lodger, then I’m sure you could find one much better suited.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/11/2020 13:41

Some of the issues you mention are non-issues - shoes on the rack in the hall (where else is she supposed to put her shoes?)

In her room?

Walkingthedog46 · 27/11/2020 13:42

If you need an ‘excuse’, tell her you’re having your Mum come to live with you. She can’t argue against that.

OwlOne · 27/11/2020 13:43

She is taking the piss moving your stuff around!

midsomermurderess · 27/11/2020 13:43

You have a cuckoo in your nest. You have to give her notice to quit. What a nightmare.

justicedanceson · 27/11/2020 13:43

Sounds like she has taken advantage of you in your vulnerable state. I could imagine miscommunication over some things but drinking someone else’s champagne is clearly taking it to CF territory. That’s not a miscommunication. If you find it hard to confront her, write a letter saying she must leave of x date. To be honest I would also find a reliable friend to turn up on move day with a suitcase to faux move in, in case she tries to stay with some excuse.

CheetasOnFajitas · 27/11/2020 13:44

Wow, hope you find the strength to evict her. She is a bare faced liar about the champagne but console yourself with the fact that it would have tasted awful as champagne does not get better with age.

lubeybooby · 27/11/2020 13:44

give her 24 hours to start being a reasonable human and sort her shit out or she leaves right then and there - as a lodger she's on thin ice rights wise and is relying on you being too nice to assert what is yours.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 20 21