Lodger thinks house is hers

[Amy3030]

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

Please make sure your home the day she leaves in case she tries to take any of your things

Gah, the OP got shitty with a few posters then did one. So irritating to have read 5 pages and the OP clearly isn't coming back

Agreed, this happens way too often.

Don’t think twice about it just tell her to go

This sounds so awful for you, it's the last thing you need with your mother ill. Have you thought about some legal advice about what your next steps are if she continues to be difficult?

Don’t be put off... a friend/neighbour has a wonderful lodger who works away a little of the time & she needed a “base”. Usually just comes home to sleep.... perfect eh!

I'm glad you are getting rid. I think you would be better with an older male lodger who works full time. With very good references.

@primelife - instead of a long ranty reply with lost of shouty capitals, why not read the thread? OP stated some time back that she had given notice, and there are several other posts congratulating her on that.

You are not assertive and she knows it. The best thing to do is have someone with you when you tell her to leave. Someone who can stay in the house with you for days until she leaves, because if you turn your back she'll clean you out. Give her 7 days notice (just 3 days if you like) and sit tight in your house, stop going away you need to be at home.

I presume she's paying her way so you have to be prepared for losing that income. However if you'd allow a lodger to take over your home in this way and you're scared to speak up, then it's unwise for you to have a lodger anyway. You don't have the backbone for it. Having a lodger can throw up all sorts of issues.

I've had a lodger before, nightmare. I wouldn't do it again. But in your shoes I'd have that lodger out on her arse the same night. No messing.

So get rid, and reclaim your home. I think you need the police involved tbh, if that's possible.

Having typed all that I just read you've given notice so hopefully that'll be the end of it. Keep your eyes open when she's packing, she sounds untrustworthy enough to slip some items of yours in with her stuff.

Well done OP.

I really hope she leaves quietly, and soon!

Assuming most of the stuff in the bedroom is hers....

I'd be very tempted to pack and dining room and kitchen stuff for her.... Then you know exactly what has been packed.

I've love

PS it wouldn't surprise me at all, that she may try and pack some of your (nice) stuff, by 'mistake', to retaliate.

I really really wouldn't let her have more free run of the house, to pack...
Or stand over her.... Or get a beefy mo nonsense friend to supervise..

She's already taken the piss and is being unreasonable

@Amy3030

don't worry, DorisDaisyMay, I'm never having a lodger again. Would rather be homeless

Don't let this one experience put you off forever, take a break and then if you decide to give it another go you can interview people and also be very very clear about boundaries. My relative has had lovely lodgers.

I'm so glad you've given notice, soon be over

What did she say to being given her notice?

My DD had a friend from uni who started coming over to our house every weekend in a kind of part-time moving in. Obviously she didn’t pay a sou for anything. Ate meals with us all and did as she pleased, never did as much as lift a tea towel. She used to use all our stuff. One day she opened the door to our fridge and offered DH a drink from it, like it was hers. Later I found she had settled herself in my living room, mess everywhere, and I found my work laptop on the floor where anyone could have trodden on it - she had helped herself, managed to hack into it and was using it for entertainment purposes. I hit the roof and turfed her out. Some weeks later I got a plaintive question through other people. Why didn’t I like her? Because she is weird and the piss, I said. Work laptop hacking the last straw, I said. Next thing I know she’s doing her year abroad as part of her degree and lodging with someone. She gets thrown out. She is allegedly baffled. I then point out to my daughter she’s most likely pulled similar stunts there as well. The thing is, narcissistic people like this have absolutely no idea about the havoc they are wreaking. They always turn the issue around so it ends up being about other people not liking them and so on. Terrible to have in your life.

Takes the piss, obv

I suggest you take photos of the spaces she has taken over, bathroom, sitting room. Just incase it goes to court. Good luck and hope your ma feels better

All i can picture is a cross between Feathers McGraw and the Glenn Close character in Basic Instinct after mentioning knives going missing.

Be brave get a lock put on your prized processions before you before you do this . Also if you need help doing so get someone to give support but give notice . Start claiming back your house immediately . How awful 🤭

There is a high chance of drama from her,. tears, promising to be better , emotional blackmail , etc. "Sorry you feel like that but I have decided to live alone". Don't get drawn in (sounds like you are pretty clear in your mind though, which is great!) Very best wishes for your mum, too, you have had so much on your plate)

[quote winniestone37]@DreadingSeason2020sFinale a lodger is not a house mate. Sorry.[/quote]
Yes, exactly what I said.

Don't pack for her she will say you damaged her stuff. Be very careful. If you can get friend over, day she leavers

Sorry bad text Haha

@Amy3030 How did she take being given her notice?

I am not convinced OP has given her notice yet. 4 weeks takes you bang into Christmas. Going from letting her take over her house. Saying nothing and not challenging her again after she found evidence that she had opened her champagne. I think it may take some time for her to build up the courage to tell her to leave. I hope she is currently seeking some support.