Lodger thinks house is hers

[Amy3030]

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

Shes not going to take the news well. I wouldn't have her in the house for 4 days, never mind weeks!

@JillofTrades

You need to sit down and have a good long think as to why you allowed this to happen. You are the only person to blame for this situation. This wasn't an overnight change, it happened gradually and more blatant each and every time. You had many opportunities to stop this as you were in control of this situation. Lodger has been called all sorts of names and rightly so, but I think you need to think about why you also let yourself down this way. She only got away with what she was allowed to.

The OP has already made it clear why this happened - My mother had brain surgery remove a blood clot, and then had a stroke, I have been looking after her when i could, so my mind has been on other things, a lot of worries, so I haven't been at my strongest

@LagunaBubbles in some parts of the UK you must give 4 weeks notice. Do we know where the OP is? Wouldn't want to encourage her to do anything which might result in a legal row.

That's harsh @JillofTrades these things creep up on you. A little annoyance and you think 'maybe I'm over reacting' until it gets worse and worse and you realise it's gone too far. I can quite understand how this happens. My personal trigger point would probably be sooner than OP's but we all differ in how much we can tolerate.

Lie if necessary, do whatever is required but get her out of your home. Say you're selling your house or moving your mother in.

@Snowdrop30

Honestly, I also think folks are overreacting now. A camera? Burly mates coming over? Really??? She's spread her stuff out a bit too much, been inconsiderate and cracked open your bottle of champagne (probably whilst a bit pished). Whilst this is annoying, and clearly isn't ok, she doesn't sound like someone who is either dangerous or a terrible person. Just not someone you are enjoying living with.

Agreed. Totally OTT reactions from everyone

Also - I agree with @FestiveChristmasLights, it's really obvious why this has snuck over the line. These are chalky conversations to have anyway, let alone when you are dealing with the kind of stuff the OP is. If the OP chooses to have a lodger again, a Lodgers Agreement would probably be a good idea to avoid any misunderstanding/CFerage

challenging not chalky!

Suggest she leave with short notice or you will go to police about missing items.

Hope she is going to go quietly.

There is a short clear section on this on the Gov. Uk website. Give her notice. At the end of the notice give her another day of two then change the locks and don't give her access to her room. But do not dispose of her belongings. She has no right to stay as you share s kitchen and living space. Get a witness. Or call police if you think she will cause trouble. Have no qualms. She brought it on herself by being such a selfish pain. You don't need a court order in this case.

Give her notice and find a new lodger. X

Out of interest, what did this CF say in terms of you being unreasonable?

@Snowdrop30

Some of this stuff doesn't sound unreasonable - leaving shoes on a shoe rack, having baths. That's all pretty normal behaviour. If she's paying rent she's a housemate and your house is her home too. I've been a lodger before and the person who owned the house put back in my room anything I left anywhere else in the flat. That was pretty miserable and made me feel really unwelcome. But it sounds like the balance has got really out of whack the other way, and you don't seem able to talk to her about it. That said, stealing the champagne is totally over the line. It does sound like maybe you don't want any lodger? Can you afford to live without one?

You're confusing housemate with lodger. A lodger rents a single room to sleep in with access to the bathroom and the kitchen. Most are okay with lodgers using the living and dining rooms too but that is optional. A lodger is a guest who pays, not a joint tenant, housemate or flat sharer with equal rights to communal spaces. Keeping belongings outside of their exclusive use room/s is up to the homeowner.

Make her a great big ten foot high fuck off eviction card from all her craft supplies. That’ll teach her to take over your dining room with all her glittery shite.

@draughtycatflap

Make her a great big ten foot high fuck off eviction card from all her craft supplies. That’ll teach her to take over your dining room with all her glittery shite.

Brilliant!

I actually have to thank the OP and other posters who have described nightmare experiences with lodgers. I'm retired, live alone, have a spare room and could do with the money. I did contemplate a lodger but reading this and other threads and realising I enjoy living by myself and would hate someone else sharing, has completely put me off the idea.

I've pressed that yabu simply because you let it get this far. Set some serious ground rules and give her notice so that she has to leave the moment it becomes legal again.

Just in case the OP (or anyone else reading this) is in Scotland: the law North of the Border is quite different www.rocketlawyer.com/gb/en/quick-guides/evicting-lodgers-in-scotland#:~:text=At%20any%20time%20-%20if%20you,be%20least%20four%20weeks'%20notice.&text=At%20the%20end%20of%20the,end%20of%20the%20fixed%20term.

Please, please please give her notice now. It’s your house, just do it 😘

@TickyTacky

I've pressed that yabu simply because you let it get this far. Set some serious ground rules and give her notice so that she has to leave the moment it becomes legal again.

She let it 'get this far' because her mum had brain surgery, then a stroke and OP has been caring for her. She's been somewhat distracted.

This woman is absolutely taking advantage of you, but it sounds like you also need to learn how to set and keep boundaries. Definitely give her notice to leave, her behaviour is totally unacceptable.

What does the rental agreement you had her sign say about changing things in house etc? She is renting a room & use of other rooms from you not renting the whole house. Having shared with 3 girls we always agreed we could do as we pleased, within reasons, in our own space but any changes to communal areas were discussed & agreed on. Those areas were also not for one person to take over. If someone needed to use a room for a bigger project, ie art or dressmaking, it was discussed & agreed on but when the person had done for the day they put the room back to how it was as best they could. We rarely had issues & id anyone did it was quickly nipped in the bud before it became toxic to the sharing arrangement.
If it was me I’d not be renewing her lease. She clearly needs to rent a home if she wants to spread her stuff around. On the untilities you are sort of stuck, although unless she has 5 kids I don’t know what she would be doing 6 loads of washing a week 🤷‍♀️, because it is part of the lease. We split things 3 ways as it was easiest way to do it. We had a shelf each in the fridge & freeezer. If we wanted more space we had to buy our own & keep it in our bedroom 👍
The champagne is inexcusable, full stop, & I would be charging her the price it would cost to replace the bottle. If she refuses you take it out of any deposit she paid when she moved out.

@DreadingSeason2020sFinale a lodger is not a house mate. Sorry.

Well done op