To have sent this text?

[ZebraStripez]

My mum (approaching 80, poor health) is our bubble. I’ve told DH repeatedly that my mum and I won’t be socialising till we’re vaccinated. But his family are discussing us coming for Christmas and saying they’re going to drop in on us and he’s not telling them no.

So I texted that we’re my mums support bubble and she’s too vulnerable to risk socialising before she’s vaccinated, and also I’m nervous about my own health because I have several risk factors. We haven’t been out since March so we plan to continue isolating until we’re vaccinated. Perhaps DH is planning a socially distanced visit by himself over Christmas.

All hell has kicked off. MIL has left the conversation and blocked me. Everyone else has stopped replying. DH is furious at me for sending such a nasty text and being selfish because I don’t want to see them.

AIBU? I genuinely don’t know. The text sounds fine to me but I don’t trust my own judgement based on how everyone else has kicked off. DH insists he’s shown my text to “everyone at work” and they’ve all said how horrible it is so that proves I’m nasty.

the op is so bothered about her 80 year old mum she has her come to her house while hubby is there who works everyday so therefore exposed to virus .so she is not that bothered about her mums health

Exactly. This decision makes no logical sense at all.

I noticed you're only replying to certain comments and won't address the risk youre mother inccurs by babysitting your dc when you're dhs been at work all week. However in this case you need a day off and that triumphs you're mothers health. Its always been about you.

To be honest you are not making sense in one post you say you have one child pre school age, in another you say you go to bed to avoid being prodded by children (plural). So are you a one child family or more?

He goes to work every week day, so visiting his parents is no different
At work he’s socially distanced and wearing a mask. Not having a cuddle and dinner. Also I don’t go to work with him. I’ve said all along he can see his family on his own if he wants.

your 80 year old mum is coming to look after two toddlers while you read a book you really a selfish sod
So you think my husband should get two days of rest and I should get none? Because you’re talking about me giving up my day off to make up for HIS laziness in ringing my mum to babysit. I’ve told her to say no but she doesn’t.

Work surfaces touch points..why can youre dh go but not youre dc..you like to be in control and clearly have an agenda. I still can't ge over you having a day off when youre a sahm and having youre 80 vunerable mother babysit all day, working parents dont get days off parenting every week.

The more I read the more I think that you don't particularly like engaging with people and are using COVID to cover.

It's ok not to want to visit people but don't shroud it in faux concern for your mother when you only care about the 6 days a week that it suits you to.

At first I thought you were being reasonable, but the more I read the more unreasonable you sound. You and your DH sound more like divorced parents organising your time with your DCs than a married couple. Totally isolating your DCs from the outside world is pretty extreme too even in this year. It does sound as though you are calling all the shots - did your husband support your decision to give up work? Is your mother really OK about looking after two pre-school age DC all day at weekends so their parents can lie around reading books and playing computer games separately? I could understand this occasionally if the pair of you wanted to go out or similar but not while you are actually in the house. I think your anxiety is something you need help with TBH.

OP, do you and your husband like each other?

Bonkers. Just bonkers the lot of it

How is even getting to youre home to babysit? Parents DONT get days off working or not. Being a sahm parent is less taxing than working a full time job. I have 3 dc I work and so does my dh we don't get days off from the children thats what happens when you become a parent its non stop.

Oh come off it op you know your mum is coming you dont get a day off every week to yourself when you have small children. You are not thinking of your mums health then and you are just trying to justify your selfishness

Your whole set up seems quite bizarre. Do you and your DH even like each other? You might be best just moving in with your DM and leave him to see his own family seeing as you seem to prefer her to him.

@Mabelene

Bonkers. Just bonkers the lot of it

Yep the OP does not think that her husband is coming into contact with others at work and his own family then coming home to smear their covid all over a pre school child, his wife who then might pass it on to her mother. I am having trouble equating a pre school mother with an 80 year old mum to be honest.

It's so refreshing to see someone stick up for themselves and not be bullied by family members. Well done OP, you have done nothing wrong. That text was perfect, not rude at all. If they have a problem with it, it's their problem.

Your dh needs to step up and make his arrangements with his family instead of needing you to facilitate it for him and whinging like a baby when you don't.

No. He either plays with toys in the house or gets my mum to babysit so he can play a computer game upstairs.

Thought as much. Yet somehow it's your fault that his family have had no contact with the children. Your husband has a whole day, every week, where he could facilitate that contact yet prioritises gaming over doing so. But, of course it's all the wife's fault.

@ZebraStripez what are the usual Christmas arrangements?

I am having trouble equating a pre school mother with an 80 year old mum to be honest.

Me too! My DM is 80 and I am 58 with adult children.

I am having trouble equating a pre school mother with an 80 year old mum to be honest.

40 + 40 = 80

So you think my husband should get two days of rest and I should get none?

Jesus wept. Why is it all or nothing.

We both work full time during the week. On weekends, we each get a lie-in on one morning. Saturdays are shopping, housework, etc so one of us will have dc while the other gets some work done and vice versa.
We spend Sundays together - nice dinner, walk, games.
Over the course of the weekend, we will each have an hour or two to ourselves.

Would you like to spend time together?

MrsBrunch have you read through the thread she has her 80 year old mother coming to her house to babysit her children all day when she's a shame mother and her dh is working therefore her mother is at risk.

I know this isn't the point, but are you sure you will be getting the vaccine any time soon? Unless you work in a care home or are a health worker, you are likely to be near the bottom of the list as from what I understand it is done by age.

I wonder who it was that your DH showed the text to ar work. I bet it was a woman and that it’s not the first time they’ve had cozy personal chats 😬

@dairyswim

So you think my husband should get two days of rest and I should get none?

Jesus wept. Why is it all or nothing.

We both work full time during the week. On weekends, we each get a lie-in on one morning. Saturdays are shopping, housework, etc so one of us will have dc while the other gets some work done and vice versa.
We spend Sundays together - nice dinner, walk, games.
Over the course of the weekend, we will each have an hour or two to ourselves.

Would you like to spend time together?

Yes, this is what parents who actually like each other do.

@AllsortsofAwkward

MrsBrunch have you read through the thread she has her 80 year old mother coming to her house to babysit her children all day when she's a shame mother and her dh is working therefore her mother is at risk.

Yes I have read the thread. She does not have her 80 year old mother coming to her house to babysit her children all day. Her husband does that.

Have you read the thread?