Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

My DDs knew Father Christmas did not exist long before they gave up their stocking and the anticipation! How did you respond when your DS relayed all this to you? Best thing would have been to laugh it off - he can then choose what to believe. I am sure he will definitely enjoy Christmas anyway - like my DDs he will probably make his own choice as to what to believe, bearing in mind that he would like his pressies!

Neighbour is a nit - but not worth getting into a row with him over. You have to live next door to them for the rest of the year.

@theThreeofWeevils

Any seven-year-old, max, who really believes in Father Christmas is a credulous little twerp. They go on pretending to believe because stocking, etc. They mostly aren't completely stupid. It's not up to unrelated adults to enlighten them- silently judging them and their (possibly somewhat deluded) parents is fine, though.

Please tell us you aren't a parent?

9 is the age where the kids say they don’t believe in Santa to their mates, with that showing off bravado of the 9 year old, but deep down really want to believe in the magic of Father Christmas & retain that childlike wonder as they know they’re expected to be more grown up as they head towards double figures & secondary school.

Thus, your neighbour is an arse.

My kids both started to wobble on the whole Santa thing around 9; my son wanted scientific proof of either his existence or his absence. A Police friend of ours had given him a kids fingerprint kit so we spent that Christmas morning black fingered & with inky dust & sellotape prints from presents everywhere. He even dusted the fireplace...

We convinced him that Santa wore gloves (as did we when we put the bloody things out)!

Well he just told me at first that someone told him today FC isn't real, and I assumed it was one of the kids from his class, only to be expected. It sounded like it was something he had just brushed off. When I asked who it was out of curiosity and he said it was the neighbour, I think he could see I was suddenly a bit pissed off. I told him that it's not another grown ups place to tell him what to believe in. He still believes in FC but not Jesus 🤷🏼‍♀️*

Maybe he only half believes in FC and just wants to hold on to it all for a bit longer. I remember that transition period myself. And so what if he does? I can't see what some posters feel is the harm is in that.*

That sounds good then, that he's happy to still believe. I agree about the transition period, no harm in it at all. Your neighbour was out of line.

I remember at 9/10 my son started asking almost impossible questions about santa and reindeer. I came up witH plausible Explanations, I thought for sure he would stop believing but he must have accepted that or he’s just humouring me and keeping quiet for his sister, He doesn’t say much about it tbh so I don’t know either way and I don’t want ask him otherwise it will give it away.

It’s not the fact whether he knows or not, it’s that an adult decided to tell your ds something that he clearly shouldn’t have. It has nothing to do with your neighbour.
Just say to your ds, what a daft man he is and carry on the magic for as long as you wish. Watch Arthur on Netflix together

I’d be very annoyed. There’s nothing wrong with a 9 year old still believing!. I also think they way your neighbour spoke to your son is disgusting I would definitely be having words

FC at 9 is perfectly reasonable in my urban area, so would up to 12.

At 12 their might be some disbelief.

What a horrible neighbour OP.
I hope your son is OK.

[quote Oooohbehave]@theThreeofWeevils Do you have any idea what a cunt you are?[/quote]
Feel free to elaborate.

My 9 year old is beginning to ask questions, he is figuring that I am the one buying his presents, I told him, if you do not believe you do not receive, and I have left it at that!!

YANBU @myneighboursarebellends I don't think you're over-reacting, and I agree your neighbour's conversation with your son over-stepped the mark. He could have simply said no, they don't have an elf and then changed the subject. This is just not a conversation that he should have had with your son. Teachers have to do this all the time - you make an appropriate 'oh right, is that so' noise, nod your head and move the conversation on. It's not difficult.

I would talk to your neighbour. I might say something like "DS mentioned your conversation with him about your beliefs, which are different to his, and us as a family. Please remember he's only 9, and if he believes in Father Christmas and Elf on the Shelf, I'm fine with that. I respect that you have a different view, but this is not a conversation I'm comfortable for you to be having with my son. I appreciate you may feel differently, so do you think it would be easier if perhaps we don't share the school run at the moment?"

My DS chose to believe in Father Christmas until he was nearly 13. My DD is 12 and still believes. I don't worry about what other people think; my children will believe for as long as they want to, and I'm fine with that.

Some of you on here are fucking arseholes, seriously! I think it’s pretty average for a 9 year old to believe in Father Christmas. The other day on here someone was saying their Year 7 dd still believed but was wavering and I don’t recall anyone saying how twerp like she was.

Regardless of how old the dc is, the neighbour was a twat for saying that to your ds. It isn’t his place to do so.

Not on. I would be annoyed.

Show him the letter from boris to the 8 year old and say the prime minister says he exists . ( no snide comments please) so they must be wrong .

I rember my son was about 10 when he found out but still told his sister that he heard footsteps on the roof on Christmas Eve.

Do none of you genuinely remember knowing full well it was a charade from a young age and pretending?

Kids pretend they believe in Father Christmas because they think they need to, to continue getting their stocking. I woyld say 9 is old. But suppose feasible. Although doubt it. As others say, they will chat to friends

They sound like a family of arseholes TBH. I'd stop the pretending to be friendly and start distancing yourselves in future. What kind of person does that to a kid that's not their own anyway? I only have girls and they're in their 20s now but we still fool about asking if Father Christmas could bring us something, what's the chuffing harm in it. After all, if you don't believe you don't receive What a horrible man.

It's a shitty thing to do, I wouldn't dream of taking it upon myself to tell someone else's child about whether Father Christmas exists or not. Would be the last walk to school for me.

FC is part of the magic of Christmas. He is the symbol of goodwill, happiness and giving.

Mine are teens and will still have stockings as they always have.

Nothing wrong with the excitement and build up of Christmas.

What a weird thing for your NDN to say if he doesn't even believe in magic sky fairies! And agree with other posters, if he is a Christian, how bloody ungracious and mean minded to say that to a kid.

Nine years is, IMO, perfectly ok an age to still believe in FC fervently. My own DS is 12 and this is his first year of truly knowing the terrible Truth. He's harboured deep doubts for a couple of years, apparently, and was the last of his friends to fall, but back when they were 9, loads of them still believed. It was lovely.

@myneighboursarebellends your neighbours are bell ends.

Could you approach it by asking neighbour what happened yesterday as DS came home upset about FC? Then he either has to lie to you or admit he's a dick. And then it'll be easier to challenge him and , of you decide to, end the car sharing.

Does DS like the kid next door?

The simple fact is that most parents want their kids to still believe for the parents not the kids. If your kids still believe then then are still your little ones and you can keep up the charade "for the children" when you know, deep down, its for you.

My sister and I were both about 7 when we realised, I was two years older and kept it up for her, but neither of us wanted to say we didnt believe anymore as we knew it would upset our mother. To this day she still believes (ha!) that we went to senior school believing and neither of us want to tell her that she is about 5 years out!

And bear in mind that this was waaay before the cynical internet age that kids grow up in now.

My children still honestly think that their grandmother believes in FC, even the grown up ones!

@theThreeofWeevils

Do none of you genuinely remember knowing full well it was a charade from a young age and pretending?

But then we wouldn't be able to be credulous little twerps, we would just be feigning little twerps.