Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

Oh for goodness sake grow up!

Your neighbour is out of line, what a miserable man he is ruining something for a child that isn't even his. I'd be having words.

Also 9 isn't too old to believe in Father Christmas for all the miserable Scrooge's on this thread.

But how sad that a child doesnt believe in Jesus, but does believe in FC. What a strange world we live in

Nope. I find this comment offensive and disgusting.

@Denny53

Oh for goodness sake grow up!

Please explain?

Nope. I find this comment offensive and disgusting.

and?

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Why is it sad that he doesn't believe in Jesus?

Whether people like it or not, our country was built on Christian principles, for both good and ill, and the Christian message personified in Jesus is one of love and tolerance - I think it's sad that he doesn't believe in a man who brought a message of peace to the world, even thought that message has been corrupted and twisted by many people.

Your DS seems to believe in God - who he says created everything. If your family is even nominally Christian, why would he not believe in Jesus? Jesus is a real historical figure (even if you debate his divinity) and in fact, without Jesus there would be no Father Christmas (Santa Claus = Saint Nicolas - a Christian Saint) and we wouldn't be celebrating Christmas.

Possibly we'd be celebrating Terry Pratchett's "Hogfather" instead . . .

He doesn't believe in god, he just knows the narrative that god created Jesus.

You don't have to believe in either god or Jesus to have good morals.

Any seven-year-old, max, who really believes in Father Christmas is a credulous little twerp. They go on pretending to believe because stocking, etc. They mostly aren't completely stupid.
It's not up to unrelated adults to enlighten them- silently judging them and their (possibly somewhat deluded) parents is fine, though.

@theThreeofWeevils

Any seven-year-old, max, who really believes in Father Christmas is a credulous little twerp. They go on pretending to believe because stocking, etc. They mostly aren't completely stupid. It's not up to unrelated adults to enlighten them- silently judging them and their (possibly somewhat deluded) parents is fine, though.

A credulous little twerp 😂

Any seven-year-old, max, who really believes in Father Christmas is a credulous little twerp. They go on pretending to believe because stocking, etc. They mostly aren't completely stupid.
It's not up to unrelated adults to enlighten them- silently judging them and their (possibly somewhat deluded) parents is fine, though.

You ok, hun?

@theThreeofWeevils

Any seven-year-old, max, who really believes in Father Christmas is a credulous little twerp. They go on pretending to believe because stocking, etc. They mostly aren't completely stupid. It's not up to unrelated adults to enlighten them- silently judging them and their (possibly somewhat deluded) parents is fine, though.

You're so right. That little weasel son of mine, how dare he have the brass neck to believe in Father Christmas. I'll show him, don't worry. I'll send for Ms Trunchbull to shove him in the chokey.

I feel like we're missing the most important part of the story OP. How did the rest of your conversation with your son go? Did you feel forced into confessing the truth, and was he upset? Or were you able to brazen it out and keep his belief alive?

I think at 9, a lot of children might be swayed the way they want to be, so if he's unconvinced by the neighbour he's probably happy to carry on believing in FC. But if the FC/Elf on the Shelf conversation has destroyed his belief entirely, he was probably ready to stop believing.

And my level of outrage at the neighbour would depend on how upset my son was. But I do agree it's a dick move to tell a primary aged child that FC isn't real.

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

What a twat of a comment.

My DS 12 still believes, he has asd and I’ll be damned if I let someone else tell him, I expect it to come from other kids but not parents and I think parents should tell thier kids to keep quiet as it’s not fair on those that do believe. Maybe he shouldn’t believe at 9 but if he does then that’s no ones business but yours. It’s still fairly young. If my son ever confronted me about it I will tell him the truth and I will be telling him not to spoil it for others.

@theThreeofWeevils

Any seven-year-old, max, who really believes in Father Christmas is a credulous little twerp. They go on pretending to believe because stocking, etc. They mostly aren't completely stupid. It's not up to unrelated adults to enlighten them- silently judging them and their (possibly somewhat deluded) parents is fine, though.

They only really start to understand santa About 4/5 years old, 7 is a bit young not to believe.... I can already tell what kind of parent you are, But that’s your choice....

When my kids came home with this from school, I told them that the vast man coming down the chimney want real but it was done to honour St Nicholas in Holland and his Christmas gifts for children in his town so that though the legend had evolved through time, we were honouring the memory of a real person who did a beautiful thing. That way the kids could rationalise both the idea that the USA Santa wasn't real, there was a real person at the back of it and it was his deeds we were honouring. They were cool with that explanation.

@theThreeofWeevils

Any seven-year-old, max, who really believes in Father Christmas is a credulous little twerp. They go on pretending to believe because stocking, etc. They mostly aren't completely stupid. It's not up to unrelated adults to enlighten them- silently judging them and their (possibly somewhat deluded) parents is fine, though.

Thanks for that sweeping generalisation, and the well thought through insight into every child's mindset.

🙄

@FortyFiedWine

I feel like we're missing the most important part of the story OP. How did the rest of your conversation with your son go? Did you feel forced into confessing the truth, and was he upset? Or were you able to brazen it out and keep his belief alive?

I think at 9, a lot of children might be swayed the way they want to be, so if he's unconvinced by the neighbour he's probably happy to carry on believing in FC. But if the FC/Elf on the Shelf conversation has destroyed his belief entirely, he was probably ready to stop believing.

And my level of outrage at the neighbour would depend on how upset my son was. But I do agree it's a dick move to tell a primary aged child that FC isn't real.

Well he just told me at first that someone told him today FC isn't real, and I assumed it was one of the kids from his class, only to be expected. It sounded like it was something he had just brushed off. When I asked who it was out of curiosity and he said it was the neighbour, I think he could see I was suddenly a bit pissed off. I told him that it's not another grown ups place to tell him what to believe in. He still believes in FC but not Jesus 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe he only half believes in FC and just wants to hold on to it all for a bit longer. I remember that transition period myself. And so what if he does? I can't see what some posters feel is the harm is in that.

I think its sad some people are intent on dispelling belief in FC as early as possible. With the world become a seemingly harsher place every day what's wrong with keeping a bit of innocent magic going?

Your neighbour was completely out of order.

Sorry but I think they sound like quite annoying neighbours actually and whilst you’ve avoided confrontation so far I think you’re just going to have to try and have as little to do with them as you can. He is an adult and knew fine well that your son believed and deliberately told him to spoil his joy. It wasn’t his place to do that, it was mean spirited and life is too short to spend time pussyfooting around people who are like that.

Finding out Santa isn't real is the first time children find out adults lie to them, so you may as well delay it as long as you can.

Best to have it out with the neighbour for telling your child the truth.

We had to tell DD before she moved into senior school at 11. She genuinely still believed and we didn’t want her made fun of. I would be livid but it appears the damage is done so probably not worth saying anything. Theses people must lead miserable lives to be so mean to a child.

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

OP: your son is 9 years old - what do you think is an appropriate age for him to no longer to accept that "Father Christmas" actually exists and brings all the goodies? Will it be when he goes to high school ? 17 (comes with the first driving lesson), when he flies the roost ? Is he your only child / the youngest and it is you who are trying to keep this myth going for you?

This is a bit unfair. My dd is 9 in January also year 4 and truly believes. She believes in the elves too. I cannot wait until she doesn't as they are a pain but I grit my teeth and do it for her. My elder dd figured it out much younger but dd2 is a dreamer with a vivid imagination who believes in fairies too. I am actually dreading having to tell her before she starts high school if she doesn't know by then

Wow OP you sounded the wanker whistle on this thread didn't you?

@AdobeWanKenobi

Wow OP you sounded the wanker whistle on this thread didn't you?

I really did!

My three DC (now older) all believed at 9. Crikey, what a bunch of idiots on this thread.