Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

I would never tell someone else's child that Santa wasn't real.
The age children stop believing in Santa? Depends on various things. I certainly wouldn't be surprised that y4 believe in general. Sadly, when I was teaching, I found that children in economically deprived areas stopped earlier.
Life can be a sad, hard graft for many . Why destroy a bit of magic? I have several aunts (all 65+) who fondly remember Christmas when the most exciting present was an annual. But the joy of Santa coming (even though it wasn't) has stayed with them a lifetime.

I told my friends daughters that babies come out of vaginas or by caesarean cuts in the abdomen and not through the belly button as they believed once on a car pool share they were between 6 and 10. The mum was devastated I had told the the children this truth. I am still bemused by her response. Clearly there is very little magical mystery in our house from day one. Apart from the Clock Fairies of course that push the hour hand round when you are not looking. Obviously they are real.

This would be a thread I'd think perhaps isn't real - and two others.

@theThreeofWeevils

Please tell me which part of the conversation 'doesn't ring true Your child maintaining Jesus is made up but that he believes God created the earth, actually. I eagerly await posts saying you are not from a Christian culture; but since you haven't indicated you aren't, I was taking that as read.

I've already explained that he believes in neither Jesus nor god and merely understands that Christians believe that god created the earth and Jesus. So when the neighbour said Jesus created the earth, DS commented that he thought it was supposed to be god who created the earth. They all learn about it in RE in school, I don't know why you would assume that we are of Christian faith simply because he knows that narrative.

I don't think my religious persuasion or my son's are of particular importance for the purpose of this thread. For what it's worth I am an atheist and seemingly DS has similar beliefs.

Neighbour isn't even Christian so I genuinely don't understand why he was so keen to impress upon DS that Jesus created the world.

@Diverseopinions

This would be a thread I'd think perhaps isn't real - and two others.

Oh for goodness sake, report me to MN then. I would like to credit myself enough artistic talent to make up something more interesting than this. Perhaps I would have said that the neighbours are having swingers parties which are keeping me awake. And that they robbed my patio table and my cat.

We can eponymously agree on your neighbour being something of a bellend.
Please note I did not say 'faith', but 'culture'. And frankly if your little disputant is ready to argue which of the Trinity was the agent of creation, he can cope with finding out (ha!) that FC is a myth.
Despite your neighbour being a bellend.
I am fairly sure you son is having you on, though.

@AlternativePerspective

What does having words really achieve though? He’s now been told that FC doesn’t exist, he knows now that FC doesn’t exist. It’s actually worse to tell the DS that the neighbour is lying than to now admit that FC doesn’t exist.

And he’s nine. Most nine year olds genuinely do know that FC doesn’t exist. Most that I knew as children went along with it for their parents’ sake, because the parents still believed that they believed.

Totally agree with this. The neighbour isn't lying so no point trying to say he is. The child would have found out one day very soon that he was being fed a lie by his parents.

Sorry I didn't mean that to sound like you have deliberately lied to your child, obviously I understand why parents want to keep the magic alive as long as possible.

@theThreeofWeevils

We can eponymously agree on your neighbour being something of a bellend. Please note I did not say 'faith', but 'culture'. And frankly if your little disputant is ready to argue which of the Trinity was the agent of creation, he can cope with finding out (ha!) that FC is a myth. Despite your neighbour being a bellend. I am fairly sure you son is having you on, though.

I know that you won't agree with me but personally I believe that children believing in FC is an entirely different ball game to whether they choose to follow a religion or not.

My DS still believing in FC brings him joy and excitement. He has the anticipation of waking up early in the morning and feeling his stocking to see if he's 'been', he gets to write out a Christmas list to send, leave the mince pie out etc. I can see why these experiences would be something children want to hold on to, even knowing that it is irrstionsk. I certainly did, even when I had doubts.

*irrational

My DS still believing in FC brings him joy and excitement

Him, or you?

Or him not wanting to disappoint you?

At this point and in the spirit of the calendar I feel as so probably very many of us do that only the most churlish of us would fail to express to our families, friends, neighbours, tradesmen, and passing robins the true message of the season: ha! bumhug!

@PyongyangKipperbang

My DS still believing in FC brings him joy and excitement

Him, or you?

Or him not wanting to disappoint you?

Ah, you got me! DS in fact finds the whole FC debacle a real chore. He hates all the presents on Christmas morning and Christmas films and treats but bears it all through gritted teeth, only keeping a stiff upper lip for the sake of his old mum because none of it is about his enjoyment

personally I believe that children believing in FC is an entirely different ball game to whether they choose to follow a religion or not.
So do I; but the placing of 'choose' is interesting there...

[quote myneighboursarebellends]@AlternativePerspective but can you not see how it isn't the neighbours decision to make?[/quote]
I'm So mad in your behalf for you having read this far, that I can't even RTFT ...

I will RTFT, but...,

Your name is apt, your neighbour IS a bellend

How dare he spoil Xmas for a child that believes, is he the frigging Xmas grinch?

Age 9 , year 4, is normal to still believe In Santa, mine all believed until age 11+ Who wants to take away that magic or childhood if the child is still full of wonder??... Bellends! That's who!

I wouldn't hesitate to 1) first ask neighbour if he did this, 2) then express my displeasure that he behaved like a bellend who no longer gets my DCs company if he did so that.

Go's know what else might he tell them without considering impact? "Quick chat about serial killers " on way to school in the car? Maybe a mention or latest possibility of nuclear war ? You either let children.live in childhood as long as they want to, being careful to follow lead of their parents or you wear a sticker in your forehead saying "I'm a douche parent, don't let me ruin things for your DC"

Can I make you that sticker? Neighbour deserves it if he did spoil Christmas belief for a child that's not even his own!

@theThreeofWeevils

personally I believe that children believing in FC is an entirely different ball game to whether they choose to follow a religion or not. So do I; but the placing of 'choose' is interesting there...

Rightio weevil, I tire of your character assassination of me and a 9 year old now! Go pull legs off an insect or whatever else it is you do for recreation. I shall endeavour to keep my credulous little twerpy disputant on the straight and narrow.

It's irrelevant how old is 'right' to tell children father christmas isn't real... the neighbour shouldn't have told him like that, it's not his place to do so! He's an adult with children himself and I'm sure he wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot.. he genuinely sounds like a nasty, childish bully. Personally i think 9 years old is not too old to believe or at least want to still believe... every child is different and he obviously was still in the stage of believing. Poor kid

My older DD knew before he left primary that Father Christmas was a story, but he lived the tradition of it. He also as a CHILD knew well enough not to ruin Xmas belief in sant for his year 4 sister and younger ones. Nor did he let on until they told him themselves ... no matter how tempted he was!

If a child aged 11 - 16 can ascertain that, then why cant an actual adult and parent understand that magic is important to other children and it's not their role to trash it?

My Older DS not DD, as you guessed I kept saying He!

@PyongyangKipperbang

Fucking hell, surely you have bigger 'issues' to get het up about which are more deserving of your ire than children over the age of 7 who believe in FC and their parents being ok with it?

But you started a thread about that very subject. Why is it ok for you to be pissed off that your NDN told the truth to your child, and not for others to be pissed off at your insistence at keeping up a lie which, lets face it, is probably more for you than him?

Because he is my child, not his! He can say what he wants to his own kids, he doesn't need to commandeer my parenting choices.

Thank you to all the posters who have been understanding!

Yanbu, to be annoyed. We have cousins who are mixed race and my dad warned us not to say anything about father Christmas being made up as it might upset them. I always wondered why he never came to our house as a child and my dad said it because he knew we were Muslim and had Eid instead, he never outright said he didn't exist or we don't believe in him.

Kids should be allowed to figure it out themselves, they grow up so quick nowadays anyway. I would address it with your neighbour so he knows you would prefer for him not to speak about it again or religion.

And as we approach this majical season let us not forget all those children who live in disfunctional families who Santa doesn't visit.
He doesn't visit because they have not been good. They are told how bad they are everyday through the year so they expect nothing anyway. This just confirms how bad they really are.
But we continually lie to our children about some stranger getting into the house and leaving them presents because it's magical. Then we tell them to lie to younger siblings.
But it's magical so worth it for everyone, except of course if you are a bad child. Bad children don't deserve the magic.

Doesn't matter how much they believe or if a neighbour tells them the truth. The truth is they were born bad and will always be bad, no Santa visiting them proves it and the toxicity of their parents will never leave them.