Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

@myneighboursarebellends

Thank you to all the posters who have been understanding!

Read:

Thank you to everyone who agrees with me.

FWIW, as I said above, it wasnt ok for him to take it upon himself to "comandeer [your] parenting". But you are assuming that thats what he did, if a kid said to me "God made the earth" I would laugh and say "no he didnt!" without thinking much about it. Later, I might regret it, but in the moment, thats what I would say.

@PyongyangKipperbang would you tell someone else's child that FC isn't real?

I wouldn't confront the neighbour over this, it's done now, and not such a big issue. The elf stuff is beyond me too.

At 5 my child was your NDN.
Only mine told her whole class.
Seems her sibling told her .
I was confronted by another mum about how dare my child do this, this was the first I had heard of it
I agree your NDN had no right to say this, but may people will confirm the details to your child this year, and it is not a hill to die on.

@ClareBlue

And as we approach this majical season let us not forget all those children who live in disfunctional families who Santa doesn't visit. He doesn't visit because they have not been good. They are told how bad they are everyday through the year so they expect nothing anyway. This just confirms how bad they really are. But we continually lie to our children about some stranger getting into the house and leaving them presents because it's magical. Then we tell them to lie to younger siblings. But it's magical so worth it for everyone, except of course if you are a bad child. Bad children don't deserve the magic.

Doesn't matter how much they believe or if a neighbour tells them the truth. The truth is they were born bad and will always be bad, no Santa visiting them proves it and the toxicity of their parents will never leave them.

Yep, I get that. Having worked in child protection for all of my adult life I have for many years spent Christmas Eve delivering hampers and presents so that the children I work with are able to open presents on Christmas morning. I truly understand the detrimental impact that the concept of FC can have on children who have less opportunities. However, I have no intentions of depriving my own child of the Christmas experiences that many of his peers have. The burden of society isn't on his shoulders. It's a bigger issue than this one child that this thread relates to believing in FC.

I can't believe that I have posted a thread about another adult telling my DC that Father Christmas is not real and it has resulted in me being told;

• DC has issues
• DC is far too old to believe
• DC will get bullied
• DC is actively lying to me
• DC doesn't really get any joy out of FC and it's all about my needs
• DC is a credulous little twerp
• DC shouldn't be arguing with adults
• I'm forcing my DC to live a lie
• DC makes some posters feel sad because he doesn't believe in Jesus
• The post isn't real
• I'm not considering the experiences of deprived children

Amongst a barrage of other critiques!

I dont think I would, if I was thinking about it, no. As I said, I respect others beliefs.

But would I say something in a "shit we are late for school"/mind is elsewhere/Is Santa real?! moment? Probably.

And I am intrigued that you find the FACT that FC doenst exist being pointed out to your child more offensive than the same child saying that Jesus doesnt exist, to someone with faith (Jesus doesnt just appear in Christian dogma).

DC makes some posters feel sad because he doesn't believe in Jesus
DC shouldn't be arguing with adults
bugger. I missed those ones.

@PyongyangKipperbang

I dont think I would, if I was thinking about it, no. As I said, I respect others beliefs.

But would I say something in a "shit we are late for school"/mind is elsewhere/Is Santa real?! moment? Probably.

And I am intrigued that you find the FACT that FC doenst exist being pointed out to your child more offensive than the same child saying that Jesus doesnt exist, to someone with faith (Jesus doesnt just appear in Christian dogma).

Do you consider a nine year old child's response to a middle aged man who has just told him FC doesn't exist more of a problem than a middle aged man telling a child who isn't his own, off the cuff, that FC isn't real? Really?

To be fair, I didn't say you were not considering other children. I could not make that call as I don't know you.
I was just trying to point out there can be a reasonable view that the whole concept and rituals can have negative consequences beyond what age the truth is revealed and by who.

I think you acknowledged this

"Ah, you got me! DS in fact finds the whole FC debacle a real chore. He hates all the presents on Christmas morning and Christmas films and treats but bears it all through gritted teeth, only keeping a stiff upper lip for the sake of his old mum because none of it is about his enjoyment hmm"

That I can believe. Lots of parents are more hung up about Father Christmas than their kids who are conscious of disappointing their parents. I can actually remember my mother being disappointed when I didn't believe in him and what's more, she showed it in quite a sulky way which made me feel guilty.

It is fun to pretend but it is pretence and when people start getting upset about it, it has gone too far.

I don't think the neighbour should be castigated for telling the truth; we don't know how the conversation actually went, one person's account may differ to another's, even amongst adults. I doubt he would have started it or gone out of his way to tell the op's son the truth but it cropped up. The wording of the way he talked about Jesus doesn't quite ring true either. As the boy was nine years old, not five, he probably thought he could have a reasonable conversation.

Forget it, there is more to life - real life - to be enjoyed, even entranced.

That you can believe? I give up

Do you consider a nine year old child's response to a middle aged man who has just told him FC doesn't exist more of a problem than a middle aged man telling a child who isn't his own, off the cuff, that FC isn't real? Really?

If the child is intelligent to give the answer that he allegedly gave, I would consider them to be on a par.

@myneighboursarebellends

That you can believe? I give up

Then maybe Xmas really is all about you.....

And there is the problem that I had where my children didn't believe me when I said Santa wasn't real. They only believed me when their friends said it.

I got 'you were right about Santa not being real' from them at about 8 years...
They even thought Santa filled the stocking and signed the cards from Mummy and Daddy to make us look good because we didn't believe.
All of them believed when it was important to them despite what we said.

But how sad that a child doesnt believe in Jesus, but does believe in FC. What a strange world we live in

And with this comment critical thinking in adults dies a sorry death.

Jesus as a person existed. Groups of people have always felt the need to look up a leader, divine being or messiah of some sort, and Jesus was simply one of those people designated the Messiah. That's why cults will never die. Nor religion. However, there is zero evidence for the existence of a God.

Just think about how much evil comes from organised religions and cults, then compare that to a temporary bit of excitement and magic for a child.

A 9 year old getting excited for Christmas and a visit by Santa? Travesty! Shows a lack of critical thinking skills in said child, according to a PP.

FWIW, I have uni degree, common sense and easily spot scams. But I still believed at age 10/11 despite being one of the best students. Seed of doubt got sown at school (primary, I should add) and then my mum came clean. Children really aren't harmed by believing in Santa for a decade.

It's quite clear from this thread which posters got a lump of coal year after year.

YANBU. Your neighbour is a tw**

And they are all well adjusted adults who perpetuate the myth themselves to the next generation and just think I was a bit strange not participating in it, but don't hold it against me.

@jeffsar4

I actually cannot understand you all 🙈 we are talking about a 9 year old?! I'm sorry, but I have lived internationally with a nine year old and in rural Scotland with a 9 year old and in neither location would any adult have informed a child of that age that FC wasn't real! Fact! What the actual f* has happened to the world when we can't let one time of the year be a little bit magical for the kids?! And before you all start, my then 9 year old went to a Muslim school in Asia where his classmates knew he believed so all did a nativity play at Christmas and had secret Santa (as well as previously celebrating Eid & Diwali etc) and bloody loved the experience!

Wow, I am VERY impressed!!

You actually managed to make the world revolve around your child! Have you thought about giving lessons?!

Is it really ok to teach our sons and daughters that it is fine for a strange middle aged man to come into their bedroom in the middle of the night. This is fine as long as they leave presents and you make sure they don't see him. Yikes

his classmates knew he believed so all did a nativity play at Christmas and had secret Santa

Because 'Santa' plays a key part in the Nativity. Definitely there with the lobsters.

@theThreeofWeevils

his classmates knew he believed so all did a nativity play at Christmas and had secret Santa

Because 'Santa' plays a key part in the Nativity. Definitely there with the lobsters.

And dont forget the octopus

@PyongyangKipperbang you seem to be absolutely determined to paint me/a child as the antagonists in this situation and I'm really not sure why you have such strong feelings about a child who has nothing to do with you happily believing in FC not why you are also so determined to impress upon me without ever having met my son that he secretly hates Christmas.

And now another poster is getting criticism and hostility for you for sharing a nice recollection of children celebrating diversity. That's allllll about her, just like Christmas in my household is alllll about me

not why you are also so determined to impress upon me without ever having met my son that he secretly hates Christmas.

Feel free to quote where I said your son secretly hates Christmas. But your attitude to anyone who disagrees with you does rather back up..... Christmas in my household is alllll about me because I rather suspect that the only person who will remember this and give a toss, is you.