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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

586 replies

Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:20

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 02/12/2020 08:28

@Whatwouldyoydo

Thank you *@Wheresmykimchi*

I’m not a big fan of the emotive language being used and the escalation.
However I do understand the strength of feeling and I appreciate ALL the responses wether I agree or like them.

You sound so lovely and so does your daughter. Im so sorry you are going through this
Wheresmykimchi · 02/12/2020 20:56

How are things @Whatwouldyoydo?

Ohalrightthen · 04/12/2020 18:34

Been thinking about you and your daughter today, hope you're both doing OK and that things are progressing.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 04/12/2020 20:44

Sorry , been Mia - bit much going on really until today.

Dd got an email from the head of department stating that the investigation has wrapped up and that you are now required to write an apology letter to ++++ (dd) and Mr Whateouldyoudo...... yep...the email was meant for the teacher who the complaint is about and they sent it to dd.

Ffs.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 04/12/2020 20:51

@Whatwouldyoydo

Sorry , been Mia - bit much going on really until today.

Dd got an email from the head of department stating that the investigation has wrapped up and that you are now required to write an apology letter to ++++ (dd) and Mr Whateouldyoudo...... yep...the email was meant for the teacher who the complaint is about and they sent it to dd.

Ffs.

Take this outwith the school OP. This is ridiculous.
Bitcherama · 04/12/2020 20:53

No way! Escalate escalate escalate. I would be gunning to have that fucker sacked.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 04/12/2020 20:56

Seriously, you just couldn’t make this shit up.
The level of incompetence is truly breathtaking.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 04/12/2020 21:05

@Whatwouldyoydo

Seriously, you just couldn’t make this shit up. The level of incompetence is truly breathtaking.
You've been patient enough. Escalate.
Maireas · 04/12/2020 21:07

I'm astounded. Like others on here, I'm a very experienced teacher, I've taught in many schools, but never have I come across such a badly handled case. Where I work he would have been suspended anyway, and probably lost his job. This is just terrible.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 04/12/2020 21:08

@Wheresmykimchi

Yes, I agree. I will be stepping up now.

OP posts:
FlowerAndBloom · 04/12/2020 21:16

Teaching is the only job in the world where on day one you have to behave the same as a teacher who is on day 7300000. NQTs make mistakes, humans make mistakes and teachers are all about improvement and development (all those INSET days you all get so pissed off with?) just call and speak to whoever the pastoral lead is, say you don't want to make a fuss and you are sure no real harm was meant intentionally but your daughter is upset and you are upset and could someone have a word and ensure this stops. Your daughter has two years of A Levels with this teacher to get through so a simple message as above will stop it happening again and resolve the issue. (If it does happen again you would speak to the head btw) but as you say no need to go on all guns blazing. He will know he's messed up by your daughters reaction

overoptimism · 04/12/2020 21:18

FlowerAndBloom

What appalling advice.

You should read the thread and inform yourself about safeguarding.

Ohalrightthen · 04/12/2020 21:19

@FlowerAndBloom

Teaching is the only job in the world where on day one you have to behave the same as a teacher who is on day 7300000. NQTs make mistakes, humans make mistakes and teachers are all about improvement and development (all those INSET days you all get so pissed off with?) just call and speak to whoever the pastoral lead is, say you don't want to make a fuss and you are sure no real harm was meant intentionally but your daughter is upset and you are upset and could someone have a word and ensure this stops. Your daughter has two years of A Levels with this teacher to get through so a simple message as above will stop it happening again and resolve the issue. (If it does happen again you would speak to the head btw) but as you say no need to go on all guns blazing. He will know he's messed up by your daughters reaction
You haven't read anything except OPs first comment, have you?
overoptimism · 04/12/2020 21:22

FlowerAndBloom

And no, teaching is not the only job in the world where there are thresholds of professional conduct to meet on Day 1. Especially the case with children where there is a duty of care that begins on Day 1.

Not that this teacher is on Day 1.

I have personally never found myself accidentally making these choices and there is no reason for this teacher to do so either.

The OP's DD does not have to get through another two hours in the company of someone behaving in this way, let alone two years.

I would put money on you being (a) a rubbish teacher (b) an apologist for sexist and sexually abusive behaviour generally.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/12/2020 21:23

So, rather than the head of department doing the investigation so that the Headteacher can independently make a judgement about further action, the head of department has investigated, decided on further action (which is less than a slap on the wrist) and been the one to deliver the verdict?

There doesn't seem to be any SLT involvement at all.

Nikhedonia · 04/12/2020 21:43

@FlowerAndBloom

Teaching is the only job in the world where on day one you have to behave the same as a teacher who is on day 7300000. NQTs make mistakes, humans make mistakes and teachers are all about improvement and development (all those INSET days you all get so pissed off with?) just call and speak to whoever the pastoral lead is, say you don't want to make a fuss and you are sure no real harm was meant intentionally but your daughter is upset and you are upset and could someone have a word and ensure this stops. Your daughter has two years of A Levels with this teacher to get through so a simple message as above will stop it happening again and resolve the issue. (If it does happen again you would speak to the head btw) but as you say no need to go on all guns blazing. He will know he's messed up by your daughters reaction
Have you been in employment at any point since the 1980's? No job (other than one in the sex industry) would permit someone speaking like this in the workplace. And that's from day 1.
HowManyToes · 04/12/2020 21:54

@FlowerAndBloom

Teaching is the only job in the world where on day one you have to behave the same as a teacher who is on day 7300000. NQTs make mistakes, humans make mistakes and teachers are all about improvement and development (all those INSET days you all get so pissed off with?) just call and speak to whoever the pastoral lead is, say you don't want to make a fuss and you are sure no real harm was meant intentionally but your daughter is upset and you are upset and could someone have a word and ensure this stops. Your daughter has two years of A Levels with this teacher to get through so a simple message as above will stop it happening again and resolve the issue. (If it does happen again you would speak to the head btw) but as you say no need to go on all guns blazing. He will know he's messed up by your daughters reaction
You haven't read the thread at all have you? Not that it matters, you clearly think this is a lot less serious than it is.

I've been teaching for a very long time and if an experienced member of staff said this they would be in deep shit. If an NQT/probationer/student teacher said this they would, without a doubt, be formally disciplined. If it was a student teacher I would be contacting their tutor at uni and recommending they be removed from placement. There is absolutely no excuse for blatant sexual harassment in the classroom (or anywhere else for that matter) and telling the parents of a young woman being belittled by a person in an position of authority to NOT MAKE A FUSS is, quite frankly, fucking ridiculous.

Also, you do realise that if a teacher had been teaching for 7300000 days then they've been in work for 20,000 years? I don't know anyone with quite that much experience...

Wheresmykimchi · 04/12/2020 22:00

@FlowerAndBloom

Teaching is the only job in the world where on day one you have to behave the same as a teacher who is on day 7300000. NQTs make mistakes, humans make mistakes and teachers are all about improvement and development (all those INSET days you all get so pissed off with?) just call and speak to whoever the pastoral lead is, say you don't want to make a fuss and you are sure no real harm was meant intentionally but your daughter is upset and you are upset and could someone have a word and ensure this stops. Your daughter has two years of A Levels with this teacher to get through so a simple message as above will stop it happening again and resolve the issue. (If it does happen again you would speak to the head btw) but as you say no need to go on all guns blazing. He will know he's messed up by your daughters reaction
At least read the thread before spouting rubbish.
MerchantOfVenom · 04/12/2020 22:05

I think everyone would be better off roundly ignoring and dismissing FlowerandBloom, and getting back to the issue at hand.

Maireas · 04/12/2020 22:22

Absolutely, MerchantOfVenom. It's clearly nonsense.
I can't imagine what the Head is thinking, it's so obviously a safeguarding issue and gross professional misconduct.

FakeFakeNews · 04/12/2020 22:27

Mumnet have made it incredibly easy to read just the OPs posts. Very useful on long threads, taking a minute to even read just the last few of OPs posts will stop you defending a sexually inappropriate boundary ignoring teacher.

lyralalala · 04/12/2020 23:19

@Whatwouldyoydo

Seriously, you just couldn’t make this shit up. The level of incompetence is truly breathtaking.
Speak to the LADO asap.

Escalate to the governors as well, but the LADO will advise you channel beyond that.

lyralalala · 04/12/2020 23:20

The management of the school needs investigating now. This is a further failure, in a list of failures, over this incident

Fuck knows what else has been brushed under the rug there

overoptimism · 04/12/2020 23:32

Why haven't you written to the Board of Governors yet, is what I'm wondering.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 04/12/2020 23:57

I’ve kept my powder dry for 10 days now.
I want the investigation report and findings in my hand and then I will proceed.

OP posts: