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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

586 replies

Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:20

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 14:42

Funnily enough the postman arrived when dd was on teams with written confirmation of our complaint and acknowledgement that an investigation is taking place.

Dd is adamant that he doesn’t know but he must know surely???

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 14:42

@sashh

It is a standalone 6th form

OP posts:

lyralalala · 30/11/2020 14:46

@Whatwouldyoydo

Funnily enough the postman arrived when dd was on teams with written confirmation of our complaint and acknowledgement that an investigation is taking place.

Dd is adamant that he doesn’t know but he must know surely???

He absolutely knows.

That makes his conduct today even worse.

Please speak to the head urgently.

LemonBreeland · 30/11/2020 14:57

If he truly meant the apology he should have done it in front of the whole class. He should have made sure the entire class who heard the comment are aware that he is sorry and it is wrong.

I do hope the school investigate and take this as seriously as they should.

Original poster

Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 15:02

I’m not sure it’s going to be addressed tbh. The man is remarkably blasé about the whole thing.
Messaging dd during the lesson that he should be teaching and she should be learning...dd said she felt pressure and that he was winding the class up early for the apology while he was calling out to random teachers walking by to come and bear witness.
Not sure he gives a shiny shit.

OP posts:

lyralalala · 30/11/2020 15:05

@Whatwouldyoydo

I’m not sure it’s going to be addressed tbh. The man is remarkably blasé about the whole thing. Messaging dd during the lesson that he should be teaching and she should be learning...dd said she felt pressure and that he was winding the class up early for the apology while he was calling out to random teachers walking by to come and bear witness. Not sure he gives a shiny shit.

Then you need to push the school to deal with him.

Have you spoke to them about this development yet?

MrsR87 · 30/11/2020 15:07

@Whatwouldyoydo

I’m not sure it’s going to be addressed tbh. The man is remarkably blasé about the whole thing. Messaging dd during the lesson that he should be teaching and she should be learning...dd said she felt pressure and that he was winding the class up early for the apology while he was calling out to random teachers walking by to come and bear witness. Not sure he gives a shiny shit.

Hi again. Teacher here. Just read your updates from today. As this is 6th form, I imagine your DD will have lessons most days with this teacher. I think you need to get a plan in place for how she is going to access her learning until this is resolved as it’s clear she is not comfortable with the situation and the teacher doesn’t seem to be handling it well.

Original poster

Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 15:11

I’ve emailed the head.

Dd has one more week in school before Christmas holidays. Currently it’s alternate weeks, this week from home.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 15:12

Really if they’re going to leave him to continue teaching then he needs to just leave dd alone and get on with it ffs.

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/11/2020 15:17

Surely to be worth anything, any apology he gives needs to be given in front of the class, at the very least...

All this aftermath seems massively inappropriate and he seems so laid back about it.. like this isn't the first time and he has got away with such behaviour in the past with a minor slap on the wrists rather than any serious action, so doesn't think there will be any serious repercussions this time!

lyralalala · 30/11/2020 15:18

There’s not a chance my child would be going into school next week unless I had a cast iron guarantee from the head she wouldn’t be in a room with this teacher.

He’s already shown he’s quite happy to pressurise her to speak to him alone. I’d put money on you posting next week that he’s cornered your daughter to apologise and made her feel pressured if she goes in.

The fact they’ve not put anything in place to safeguard either your DD (or their staff member actually) is ridiculous.

lyralalala · 30/11/2020 15:20

An apology in front of the class would be inappropriate as it would put the OP’s DD under massive pressure to accept it.

He can acknowledge his inappropriate behaviour to the class without that pressure on her to accept an apology

Original poster

Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 15:27

Well - the head replied immediately and advised that the teacher was informed on Friday that he’ll be required to attend a meeting with the Head of department today this afternoon.
So it looks like he was trying to attend the meeting with an apology given and accepted.

OP posts:

LemonBreeland · 30/11/2020 15:35

What a prick. He has done himself no favours by hounding your DD after the fact. He is very much trying to minimise this.

Ohalrightthen · 30/11/2020 15:36

@Whatwouldyoydo

Well - the head replied immediately and advised that the teacher was informed on Friday that he’ll be required to attend a meeting with the Head of department today this afternoon. So it looks like he was trying to attend the meeting with an apology given and accepted.

If i were you i wiuld get DD to screenshot her chat log with this teacher on Teams and send it over. It's really not on that he's been pressuring her on this.

Throckmorton · 30/11/2020 15:41

Definitely time to contact the Board of Governors!

Also, your daughter is amazing - I don't reckon most adults would be so composed in dealing with this (I certainly wouldn't!)

WoolieLiberal · 30/11/2020 15:46

🚨 ⚠️ 🔔

That’s classic dipping toe in the grooming swamp right there.

A throwback to the days when every O-level student who had reached their 16th birthday was fair game for letchy teacher (old or young).

That’s how it would start and the next thing you know 17 year old Sixth-Former Mabel was “engaged” to 25 year old “Sir”.

Fortunately there are laws against that now.

Original poster

Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 15:47

It’s just so weird. It’s clear that dd has boundaries- she’s showed him by leaving the class and by making a complaint.
Why would he get himself in further trouble by doing this.
You’d think that some men just don’t hear the word no, wouldn’t you?

OP posts:

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 30/11/2020 15:49

@Whatwouldyoydo

It’s just so weird. It’s clear that dd has boundaries- she’s showed him by leaving the class and by making a complaint. Why would he get himself in further trouble by doing this. You’d think that some men just don’t hear the word no, wouldn’t you?

He sounds like he's trying to stay cool on the surface, while frantically trying to dig upwards underneath. He's making it worse, not better. Your DD is amazing, you've clearly done a fantastic job teaching her about boundaries and standing up for herself, OP.

LemonBreeland · 30/11/2020 15:58

I also want to add to the comments about your DD dealing with this very well. She has been strong and mature beyond her years. She has certainly been more mature and appropriate in her behaviour than the teacher.

MarieG10 · 30/11/2020 16:04

@Whatwouldyoydo
*
Well - the head replied immediately and advised that the teacher was informed on Friday that he’ll be required to attend a meeting with the Head of department today this afternoon.
So it looks like he was trying to attend the meeting with an apology given and accepted.*

No great surprise then, as I predicted. Shovel it under the carpet for his next victim. They prob have previous examples but as I said teachers are hopeless at dealing with this stuff

Maireas · 30/11/2020 17:01

The thing is, MarieG10, while it's not been your experience, I've been in schools where absolute rigour has been applied and people dismissed. Teachers can and do follow due process, although I know your experience is otherwise. It seems terrible that this 6th form college is not dealing with safeguarding - where I work it most definitely would be. That man would not be blasé.

Original poster

Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 17:04

The head emphasised that the teacher would be reminded of protocol in bold... so I’m not sure if he’s blasé or desperate at this point 🤷‍♀️

I’m also aware that the witnesses have not been spoken to.

OP posts:

Ohalrightthen · 30/11/2020 17:14

@Whatwouldyoydo

The head emphasised that the teacher would be reminded of protocol in bold... so I’m not sure if he’s blasé or desperate at this point 🤷‍♀️

I’m also aware that the witnesses have not been spoken to.

Bet you anything you like he's so convinced that he's god's gift that he thought he could turn on the charm offensive and get this all smoothed out. Sleaze.

Maireas · 30/11/2020 17:14

Interesting. I wonder what the meeting was like.

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