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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

586 replies

Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:20

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 30/11/2020 08:10

@Whatwouldyoydo

Oh...if the HT doesn't reply then you have the option to submit a formal complaint to the chair of governors. They are effectively the HT line manager. Of course depends on how good the chair of governors is

steppemum · 30/11/2020 09:20

well, I would give it until lunchtime today, (teachers are allowed weekends too) and then phone school and ask for the head to ohone you back with an update.

I would also write to head of year and say that due to current issue under investigation it is not appropriate for that parents eve to go ahead. and could another member of staff for same subject talk to you.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 13:54

So, it is all very strange. Dd is at her in-line class today.
The teacher in question is teaching it as normal. He’s texted dd to ask her if she’s ok as she’s quiet in class.
He’s also asked if she can stay after class so he can apologise.

I’m a bit Shock

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 30/11/2020 14:00

Her teacher has text her?

This whole thing sounds very unprofessional.

I would call and ask what’s going on.!

steppemum · 30/11/2020 14:04

he texted her?
red flag.

He should not have the phone numbers of students under 18. If for some reason he sends out class texts, (not sure why??) then it shoudl always have more than one recipient or have another teacher ccd in.

The safeguarding here is SHOCKING

5863921l · 30/11/2020 14:04

He should be under instruction to have no further contact with her while the investigation is ongoing.

I'd write to the Board of Governors.

steppemum · 30/11/2020 14:06

@5863921l

He should be under instruction to have no further contact with her while the investigation is ongoing.

I'd write to the Board of Governors.

this texting her, and then arranging to meet. All wrong, wrong, wrong.
ThanksItHasPockets · 30/11/2020 14:07

Is she at home and accessing a lesson online? Has he texted her mobile or used the text chat function on the platform?

Maireas · 30/11/2020 14:08

Good grief! Is it a Teams lesson? He can check who's on! . He can just ask if everyone understands so far. There's a "hands up" for those who aren't. This is so bad.

itssquidstella · 30/11/2020 14:12

Why does he have her mobile number?!

twoshedsjackson · 30/11/2020 14:13

I hope your DD has the sense to decline the invitation! (I'm pretty confident that she is switched on enough to spot the inappropriateness - she's been in touch with you, after all!).
But expecting a young woman of 16 to be that confident and self-aware is placing a great burden on young shoulders.
I hope you have contacted the head to draw their attention to the matter, pointing out how out of order this is, and questioning why he is still allowed contact with your DD.
In my experience of far less worrying complaints (usually resolved in a positive way, thankfully) the pupil and teacher ceased contact while matters were resolved; this needs to be tackled before any complications are added, for the protection of the teacher as much as for the pupil.
With a serious complaint of this nature, I'm surprised he's being allowed any pupil contact at all, and I'm surprised he hasn't requested it himself.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 14:17

I expected cease contact tbh I’m quite shocked.

Dd is at home - lesson is in Zoom. Teacher has texted her mobile.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 14:18

The only thing I can think is that the school have told him to apologise 🤷‍♀️ I can’t understand why he’d text her otherwise

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 14:18

If the school were doing an adequate job of investigating, he wouldn’t be teaching this class.

OP posts:
ThanksItHasPockets · 30/11/2020 14:18

This is bizarre. He should not have her phone number. Tell her to complete the lesson and then leave the call. Take a screen grab of the text message.

steppemum · 30/11/2020 14:22

Have you phoned the school?

I think you need to speak to someone senior at the school, confirm that an investigation is underway.

It seems that they are not following through.

lyralalala · 30/11/2020 14:22

@Whatwouldyoydo

So, it is all very strange. Dd is at her in-line class today. The teacher in question is teaching it as normal. He’s texted dd to ask her if she’s ok as she’s quiet in class. He’s also asked if she can stay after class so he can apologise.

I’m a bit Shock

He shouldn’t be teaching her while he’s under investigation. He likely shouldn’t be teaching anyone atm, but he definitely shouldn’t be teaching your DD.

Contacting her and asking to meet her is staggering and shows that this man should not be working with young people.

You need to step this up now. Report this contact to the Head teacher. Also the governors

I’d also get in touch with the LADO at your local authority for advice and to flag to them. The safeguarding in this school appears to be non-existent. Whilst they won’t override the school process, it can give a kick in the arse to lazy schools

lyralalala · 30/11/2020 14:24

@Whatwouldyoydo

I expected cease contact tbh I’m quite shocked.

Dd is at home - lesson is in Zoom. Teacher has texted her mobile.

I’d phone the school now. Make sure you follow up the call in writing though.
Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 14:24

I’m stunned tbh.

Dd says she thinks he’s trying to lock in an apology so he can say - it’s all sorted...but I don’t think they’re even investigating if he’s being so bold.

Dd said she didn’t feel comfortable and he said , what if I get another teacher to be here... so she said yes.

I’ve told her to end the zoom and just leave.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 30/11/2020 14:27

@Whatwouldyoydo

I’m stunned tbh.

Dd says she thinks he’s trying to lock in an apology so he can say - it’s all sorted...but I don’t think they’re even investigating if he’s being so bold.

Dd said she didn’t feel comfortable and he said , what if I get another teacher to be here... so she said yes.

I’ve told her to end the zoom and just leave.

So he’s pushy as well as inappropriate

You really need to push this on now. This man is only not getting his way because your DD is a strong girl with a good head on her shoulders.

That’s not the kind of person that should be in a position of power with young people.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 14:29

Shit sorry everyone he’s messaging on teams not texting.....

OP posts:
lyralalala · 30/11/2020 14:30

That doesn’t make it any better.

If you can make sure it’s screenshot

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 14:30

Did just told me he messaged and said he’ll go and get a teacher.

And she replied , actually let’s just leave it and we’ll just let the school handle it.

OP posts:
MerchantOfVenom · 30/11/2020 14:34

Gosh, I really think you need to step in here and speak with the school?

sashh · 30/11/2020 14:35

First name terms are not usual in any sixth form I've ever worked in.

Normal in FE colleges and stand alone VI forms.

I’ve told her to end the zoom and just leave.

Good advice.