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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

586 replies

Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:20

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 28/11/2020 22:07

This happened to my sister in lower sixth. Creepy student teacher made lechy comments and asked her out 🙄. She was very upset. Fool as our dad a senior teacher at the school. Man was fired and thrown off teaching course career over. And quite right too.

RosyPickle · 28/11/2020 23:01

I think his comment that the boy passing the note would have 'no chance' is worrying as it's a sort of manipulative hint that she's too grown up to bother with boys her own age. Spoken like someone who is quite adept at grooming young girls.

Also agree with pps that there is a culture problem at the school with regards to safeguarding. Two members of staff have failed seriously in their duties, one is a creep and the other, worryingly, doesn't appear to know some basic aspects of her job. Even the first names for teachers speaks to a lack of professional boundaries and normalising some pretty weird stuff.

Anywat you're doing absolutely the right thing, and I hope your daughter is ok.

Fatas · 29/11/2020 00:36

@RosyPickle I think you’re right about that comment, it does snack of him saying someone my age is better than the little boy you’re sat next to! I’m not sure about it definitely being grooming though.
Disagree about the first name terms, that’s how it’s been done for years and still is in sixth forms up and down the country.

KunekuneKristmasCake · 29/11/2020 01:05

I am glad you reported him. Need to report useless staff member who tried to send your dd to chat to Mr Perv alone.

housemdwaswrong · 29/11/2020 01:09

That's a really odd comment. I wouldn't be just letting it go. Just in case.

housemdwaswrong · 29/11/2020 01:10

@fatas categorically not in 6th forms around here, anywhere around here. :)

caringcarer · 29/11/2020 02:29

Write a formal complaint addressed to Head of Sixth Form. He did this deliberately to try to embarrass your dd. He did it in public do many witnesses. He will be disciplined for this. If he has done anything similar before he could be dismissed. If first time probably written warning and made to give public apology to your dd. It will sit on his record though. Don't let him get away with trying to embarrass your dd. He should be focusing on teaching not making abusive comments.

caringcarer · 29/11/2020 02:32

Put formal complaint in writing then it has to be investigated. A phone call and you can be gobbed off.

YoungScrappyHungry · 29/11/2020 06:01

@caringcarer RTFT, it's gone way past that.

What gets me about this is that he REPEATED it! So it wasn't just a shit slip of the tongue, oh my god did I just say that out loud moment, he said it once, didn't get the reaction he wanted, and then said it again even louder! Fucking weirdo.

You have done amazingly OP, and your DD. Do keep us updated if you can.

RBKB · 29/11/2020 06:10

Teacher here. Haven't rtft soapologies if you have done so, but please report this. 1. This sends a message to your daughter that she does not need to tolerate sexual bullying from people with power over her 2. As pp have said, this is a safeguarding issue, this teacher, currently, should not have power over young girls. He is not 'teasing', he is harrassing. He needs to understand, very very fast, that he could rightly lose his job over this.

RBKB · 29/11/2020 06:12

@RosyPickle totally agree but one thing...first names with teachers are normal in sixth form.

Maireas · 29/11/2020 06:16

First name terms are not usual in any sixth form I've ever worked in.

RBKB · 29/11/2020 06:21

@Maireas that's weird.... it's what's done in all the school and stand alone sixth forms round here. It's not indicative of lowered boundaries though and the behaviour described by op would lead to the teacher being suspended and investigated. Not not not ok 😒

MerchantOfVenom · 29/11/2020 06:51

Really gob-smacked that she was told to go and speak to him alone to get apology - what on earth??

I know that in her shoes at that age, I wouldn’t have had the wherewithal to say how inappropriate that is, so massive kudos to her.

What was he thinking? How easy is it just to say nothing? And also for it not to cross his mind that she and/or many of her classmates would go home and repeat it to their parents.

He appears to be completely unfit for the role.

Maireas · 29/11/2020 09:43

There are a lot of safeguarding concerns being thrown up here as people above have said. It is very unusual to be on first name terms with teachers in state schools, and in more than 35 years of teaching, and many schools, I've never come across it. I think there are lots of red flags and you are right to continue to pursue it with rigour. Good suggestions by pp.

Fatas · 29/11/2020 10:18

@housemdwaswrong I missed off the word colleges. The school is probably just emulating sixth form colleges. I don’t think that is weird in itself. After all I call my bosses by their first names and professional boundaries are still maintained

Fatas · 29/11/2020 10:20

@Maireas it’s only weird because usually it’s not done to prevent the younger years knowing the names of teachers, then copying sixth formers by referring to teachers by first name terms. The practice is not weird in itself

Maireas · 29/11/2020 10:35

@Fatas - I never used the word "weird". I think that was someone else. I've only ever taught in schools with sixth forms where formality is encouraged. I too call the head and line managers by their first names, but then it's not a problem if we go out together and meet up in our homes. Or even have relationships! I wouldn't say it's a problem in itself, but somewhere boundaries can get blurred.

Fatas · 29/11/2020 14:08

You didn’t say it’s weird, I just carried the term across from another post, sorry. First names doesn’t blur boundaries, what blurs boundaries is people allowing them to be blurred!

Anyway, not to detail the thread. It does sound like the school aren’t dealing with it brilliantly, first name terms withstanding.

  1. Head has not contacted you to discuss
  2. Head of year sent to investigate-should be more senior member of staff.
  3. The way that the student services staff member dealt with it. However, they are not a teacher and this could be why they felt with it inappropriately. Though she should have relevant safeguarding training and understand about whistleblowing. Eg. Referring safeguarding concerns of other staff on.
Maireas · 29/11/2020 14:29

Yes, let's not derail the thread. I think it's not a good idea, but then every other boundary has to be observed. As you say. I agree with your additional points, particularly the first one

spanieleyes · 29/11/2020 14:35

The Head can't discuss it. They have to remain independent in any disciplinary case as they are the decision maker, the investigation and any discussion needs to be with someone else.

MarieG10 · 30/11/2020 07:34

@Whatwouldyoydo

It’s being treated very seriously and the head of year is investigating.

Frankly OP it isn't being taken seriously. Teaching is unlike many professions and whilst "Head of Year" in reality she is hardly more senior than the teacher in question although will get a big TLR (pay enhancement). Don't expect any rigorous investigation as most teachers haven't got a clue about managing staff or investigating complaints as professional development in this aspect is awful.

As chair of governors I see staff applying to join the senior leadership team and what they have to offer is being a good teacher. Very few have any idea about managing staff, financial management or discipline processes. On top of this, a disproportionate number have what I would describe as left wing ideology whereby poor professional conduct is always dealt with by way of a "chat". You often find they go to their "union" for advice on colleagues behaviour instead of a senior leader or HR.

You will see I have a very dim view of the quality of teaching staff in anything other than teaching but I speak from a highly qualified and professional background where many of the staff i experience would have been dismissed in any other environment.

We did recruit a decent head teacher for our school (god knows how lucky we were as many are dreadful) and the skeletons in the cupboard she has dug out are truly dreadful

This should be investigated by a member of the senior leadership team although agree about the head teacher remaining independent at this stage

LiG123 · 30/11/2020 07:47

Inappropriate

If I was you though I'd respect your fighters age and have this chat with her. What he did was wrong- you don't have to be involved but I think I should complain so he doesn't make others feel like this

A lesson for her future that no one should make her feel like this

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 30/11/2020 07:58

@MarieG10

It is concerning tbh, we haven’t received anything except an email. We’re supposed to be having a zoom parents evening with the teacher in question Tom...

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 30/11/2020 08:09

@Whatwouldyoydo

It is concerning tbh, we haven’t received anything except an email. We’re supposed to be having a zoom parents evening with the teacher in question Tom...

Doesn't surprise me at all. Ring and ask to speak to the deputy or head teacher. Keep meticulous records of emails, and time and date of phone calls and content/what said/ agreed.

They will just want this to go away as in the too difficult box