Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude?

208 replies

spicysauce · 25/11/2020 07:41

So my sister has a boyfriend and they are expecting a child together, due in May 2021. I haven't met the boyfriend yet ( they don't live close).

My sister, myself and my partner share a WhatsApp group with my mother where we exchange photos of our children and discuss daily matters.

Two days ago I added this boyfriend to our WhatsApp group in order to "welcome him to the family" before we get to meet in real life.

He thanked me for adding him to the group and I asked him if he was looking forward to being a dad and he said very much so.

Yesterday I discussed something with my mother in the group. It wasn't a lot of messages, maybe ten and they all occurred within an hour.

Later on there was a notification that my sister's boyfriend left the group.

AIBU to think this is rude? He could have muted the group.

I asked my sister why he left the group. She said she didn't know, but perhaps the messaging was too much for him.

This is hard to believe for me, because when my sister visited me, she was on her phone all the time WhatsApping with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
spicysauce · 25/11/2020 07:56

@notacooldad

He thanked me for adding him to the group with lots of smileys. He commented on a picture of my son how cute he was.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 25/11/2020 07:57

Actually I think that you probably need two groups. The existing one with your mum and sister

And then a new one including him which can be for planning stuff and photos of the baby when it arrives

Original poster
spicysauce · 25/11/2020 07:57

@rainbowbritesgreenfriend

No, it will be his first child.

OP posts:
sbhydrogen · 25/11/2020 07:58

My sisters-in-law left the family group, and I don't really blame them.

He's not met you yet, and at least he said hello before he left.

notacooldad · 25/11/2020 07:58

In these specific circumstances it is a bit abrupt
Probably form his point of view he was abruptly added!!
Didn't ask ti be there, didn't particularly want to be there., a private conversation going in, so left. Fair enough. I would have done the same and been irritated that someone had asked someone else about it instead of asking me.
( op asking sister)

Winterwoollies · 25/11/2020 07:59

Certain members of my H family have a WhatsApp group. They repeatedly add him and he repeatedly leaves. It’s hilarious. All it is is one sharing constant links to bizarre petitions, photos of obscure dead relatives, random drivel and the occasional picture of a kid.

EatDessertFirst · 25/11/2020 08:00

OMG its just Whatsapp! He probably couldn't be arsed with the notifications. He might have felt awkward being added to a group where he doesn't know some of the people.

So many times on here we see 'its your DPs/DHs family, they are yours to deal with so leave the group/go LC or NC/avoid'. But apparently in this case, thats rude? Only on MN!

SoupDragon · 25/11/2020 08:01

I don't think it was rude. I assume he found it too personal. Before WhatsApp these group conversations would not have happened.

Westiegirl3 · 25/11/2020 08:01

I've left many group chats that I've been added to by my in-laws, general chit chat between two people is really annoying

CSIblonde · 25/11/2020 08:01

I don't think most men I know would be up for daily family chit chat . Their partner & mates yes ,but family minutiae, no. They'd do the same.

PurpleDaisies · 25/11/2020 08:02

Is your own partner active on the group?

This sounds like a group that would be better just you, your mum and your sister.

notacooldad · 25/11/2020 08:04

He thanked me for adding him to the group with lots of smileys. He commented on a picture of my son how cute he was
So he is a polite guy.
He probably thought the group warelevant to him when he saw the 1:1 messages.
I wouldnt over think it. It really isn't a big deal at all. In fact I wouldn't give it another thought. He currently doesn't be part if thus particular chat group, so what?🤷‍♀️

Jayaywhynot · 25/11/2020 08:04

Maybe he just thinks your daily chit chat isn't for him, I on the other hand leave group chats when I'm trying to be deliberately rude 😉
He should have muted the group tho, as it comes across as rude

DuzzyFuck · 25/11/2020 08:08

It's not rude. Had he asked to be added to the group?

My communication with my own family is limited to a handful of whatsapp messages every couple of weeks and the odd phone call, while DPs family whatsapp is going all day every day. I would hate to be added to his no matter how welcoming it seemed.

Cam2020 · 25/11/2020 08:09

It was nice of you to add him but I think being party to other people's conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with you is not as fascinating as some people might think. I probably would have muted the conversation though for diplocacy's sake, rather than leave.

Tingalingtortoise · 25/11/2020 08:11

I don’t think it was rude. He was added without being asked and it’s a family chat, surely your sister can fill him in with any important details, he doesn’t have to be in the chat himself. My DH would hate this because he gets hundreds of messages from his business anyway so it’s a chore checking every message to see if he’s missed anything important.

Takethewinefromtheswine · 25/11/2020 08:14

A group to share photos of the children and discuss daily matters sounds shit. I don't blame him for getting out of the group now, easier to extricate than further down the line when his head is ready to explode with photos of your kids with chocolatey faces and hilarity over your mum's chat with Sue across the street...

PleasantVille · 25/11/2020 08:15

You don't actually know why he left, maybe find that out first possibly he could have posted a reason/excuse before leaving but not everyone has the same view on chat groups.

Do you think he's rude to not want to be in the group or for leaving without posting a resignation letter?

The former isn't rude at all.

Ginfordinner · 25/11/2020 08:16

We don't even have a family WhatsApp. DD doesn't have WhatsApp, and DH just doesn't "do" social media. DD uses Snapchat to talk to her friends and FB Messenger to talk to me.

Lovemusic33 · 25/11/2020 08:17

I hate groups like this. They are for group chat, if you want to discus something with your mother then message her individually. I have had this issue with a work group chat where 2 people start a chat between themselves and my phone constantly pings. Group chat means just that, it should be for group chat.

ChnandlerBong · 25/11/2020 08:19

not rude - he might not even have realised how abrupt it would look?

if i want to chat just to my sister then i text/whatsapp just her - if i add it to the family chat then BIL and DH will be bored senseless!!

Terriorer · 25/11/2020 08:19

I would have left too. I can’t be doing with groups that have tons of messages between two parties. Just message your mum then you don’t need to include everyone.

ivykaty44 · 25/11/2020 08:19

I think you were rude, if you’re going to exchange messages with your mum then do that with jyst her, not in a group chat

Gazelda · 25/11/2020 08:20

I don't understand why you were having a convo with your mum on a group chat that included other people?
Perhaps he felt he was intruding on a private conversation?

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 25/11/2020 08:20

Leave him be.

I hope you didn't tell your sister you thought he was rude. Imagine having to deal with that sort of nonsense.