To think 3 children sharing will have to do for now

[GrubBug]

2DSC, 1 DC between us.

2DSC are 9&11, DC is nearing 3. All same sex.

We were hoping to be able to move before the need came but unfortunately that hasn't happened due to a few reasons and now Covid too on top putting some strain on finances.

So far, DC has been in our room. I no longer think this is viable.

DSC have second bedroom which is still a big double. It's enough room for their current arrangement which is two separate beds, floor space, dressers, TV, and seating (two pouffe).

My plan is to have one side with bunk beds for DSC and the other side with a toddler bunk (low down and space underneath for toys etc...). Also means there's no need to get rid of any of the other stuff in there so set up would be the same, only difference being bunks rather than separate.

DH is hesitating because DSC don't want bunk beds and don't want to share room.

I know it's not ideal but our child needs their own space now. We are likely not going to be able to move now for another 2-3 years.

AIBU to say it will have to do for now and put my foot down?

It's not fair imo to have a resident child in with us, having no space for their things just to avoid DSC having bunk beds for a couple of years.

DSC are good kids. They aren't kicking up a huge fuss just have made it known they don't like the idea. But I believe if explained to them properly why this is the case that they will get over it and be fine.

Yes get the bunk beds. I was in one until I was 15, hasn't affected me.
Maybe let you SC choose new bedding and some decorations for the wallif money allows.
It's not ideal but it is what it is. You need to have a good conversation with your husband. How long does he really think you daughter can sleep in your room? Why is it fine to have an empty room 3 or 4 nights a week?
I feel very sorry for your daughter.

OP, they don’t have an option. How long would he have you sharing with your youngest?

The worst part in our case was that there was another bedroom for DSD to occupy; she just didn't like its location in the house.

Can’t your toddler have the other room?

It’s kinda tough shit tbh - you can’t afford to move right now so they can’t have their own room anymore this is the only option.

My step son lives in a different country and only comes to us in school holidays and summer time - we live in a 1 bed flat the last 4 years (hope to buy a bigger one soon as we have a baby on the way)

He has had to sleep on a sofa bed in our living room when he stays as we just have no other option - it’s not as simple as Just get a bigger house - it takes time

Does your husband have any actual useful suggestions or is he just saying your plan is wrong ??

@AnneLovesGilbert

OP, they don’t have an option. How long would he have you sharing with your youngest?

The worst part in our case was that there was another bedroom for DSD to occupy; she just didn't like its location in the house.

Can’t your toddler have the other room?

Unfortunately not; there's awkward stairs leading to it and no way to fit a stairgate. The stairs are perfectly navigable for an older child/adult though.

A. Of course this is fine.
B. If you look online there are loads of really creative ideas for partitioning kids rooms. As it sounds as if the space is quite big, I bet you could come up with a workable solution that gives your SCs the sense that they still have their own space. They could even help you figure out the best approach.

I think if all 3 were your children you probably wouldn't hesitate in them all sharing once a baby has grown so whats the difference

Why do they not want bunks? Could it be because they are used to seeing each other from their beds? My twins hated their bunk beds for this reason and ended up with two singles and sacraficing their lego set up (that was the whole reason we got the damn bunks).

Could you put your DS in the bottom bunk, one of the DSC on the top and the other in the other bed if that's what the problem is?

Could you perhaps have 3 beds (2 x single and 1 x toddler bed in an L shape around the room if they really don't want bunk beds, perhaps you could build the singles over the ikea box unit things then most of their things can go underneath to save space, 3 year old clothes in your built-in wardrobe and a slim tall wardrobe in the corner closest to both step children, then there's the middle bit for playing if any play in the bedrooms.

@DontBeShelfish You really need to put your foot down and advocate for your daughter, that situation is ridiculous.

Yanbu but at 9 and 11 bunk beds can be a very rickety. Could you buy a bed with a trundle bed underneath? That way the second bed can be hidden underneath the first when they’re not in use.

Not any other option is there 🙄

It's fine to make them share but I would acknowledge to them that you know it's not ideal. 9 and 11 yr olds will feel it's an imposition to have their bedroom turned into a 3-yr-old's space.
Have you considered using or partitioning the living room as a third bedroom if it's a big space? I know my DB and DSIL did that when they were running out of space for their DCs and it worked well but it depends on the size and layout of your house.

@NailsNeedDoing

I think them sharing is fine in theory, but 11 is a bit old to start having a bunk bed. It won’t be long at all before they get too big for bunk beds to be comfortable.

DD asked for bunk beds aged about 9 or 10. They're great for friend sleepovers but also her brother often sleeps in with her at weekends and during holidays - they're twins and nearly 13, but still like to 'camp' together.

We chose adult size and strength bunks, so should be good throughout their teens (if needed). It really shouldn't be a problem as long as you buy decent quality and strong enough beds.

The problem is that whilst you have very limited choices, the 11 year old is getting to an age were she has. Children with one home have to just get on with it but children with two homes can be very vocal especially when older.

Why not out the three yo on the bottom bunk, the older boy in a single bed with drawers under, and and the middle boy on the top bunk. Less chance of them waking up the 3 year old.

I think the plan is ok, don't feel guilty.

Is there some history or sentimental reasoning for dh being reluctant? If this was dsc room always and now its being rearranged, I can understand feeling some sadness to change, but I still don't see that there's any other option.

Do you have a living room that could be repurposed into another bedroom at night?

A3yo needs no room as it is tiny 😊
A 9 and 11 y do !even if it is only 3 nights a week.
Also i wouldnt want my 3yo with a 9 and 11 yo in there. God knows what bad habits and swear worda they will teach him in here 😂

And as an 11 yo (or 9yo) i would have hated having my dads new kid in my roomall of a sudden....id probably wouldnt wanna visit as much anymore

Your 3 year old might like to sleep in the bottom bunk and the nine year old could sleep on the top while the eleven year old has the single bed. Let them choose, they could even swap beds each week.

It's fine - I shared a room with my half sister when she was home until I was 11, and she's ten years older than me. She wasn't there every week, because she lived a long way away, but would stay for most of the school holidays.

We had bunk beds. Only reason hers was uncomfortable was that I used to poke knitting needles through the wire mesh and mattress to wake her up in the mornings.

Could you leave the beds as they are, and add your 3yr olds stuff into the room. On the nights the Step children are away, the three year old sleeps in one of the beds, and the 3 nights they’re there DSC have the room and the 3 yr old is back with you.

I’m just imagining the 3 yr old goes to bed much earlier than the bigger children, and then wakes up at the crack of dawn, which is a much different schedule to older DSCs.

Never met anyone ever who sites sharing a room as a reason to be depressed or angry as an adult.

Three nights a week is quite a lot.

So, there are 5 of you and only two bedrooms? It's hard because my older kids would hate sharing with a toddler as they tend to touch everything and go to bed early.

But, if that is what it is. It can't be helped.

Is there a way to use the living room as a bedroom for your toddler instead? If you have TVs in the bedrooms, it might be an option?

Can't your DC sleep in the DSC's room when they're not there & in with you when they are? This seems to make the most sense to me & I haven't noticed it suggested yet unless I'm mistaken. Otherwise, if its only another 2 years I'd just keep DC in with you for the sake of peace & harmony. My youngest sister had to share with my parents until my elder sister moved out when she was 6. It was their fault for moving to such a small house lol. They simply had to make do!

I shared with my two sisters till they left home! Never occurred to us to be dissatisfied. There was a short time when I was a toddler that we all had one big bed together! My oldest sister was about 13 and the middle one 11 and I was 3 ish.

My brother had his own room and my parents the other. When there was enough money, we all had a single bed each and thought it was marvelous!