To think 3 children sharing will have to do for now

[GrubBug]

2DSC, 1 DC between us.

2DSC are 9&11, DC is nearing 3. All same sex.

We were hoping to be able to move before the need came but unfortunately that hasn't happened due to a few reasons and now Covid too on top putting some strain on finances.

So far, DC has been in our room. I no longer think this is viable.

DSC have second bedroom which is still a big double. It's enough room for their current arrangement which is two separate beds, floor space, dressers, TV, and seating (two pouffe).

My plan is to have one side with bunk beds for DSC and the other side with a toddler bunk (low down and space underneath for toys etc...). Also means there's no need to get rid of any of the other stuff in there so set up would be the same, only difference being bunks rather than separate.

DH is hesitating because DSC don't want bunk beds and don't want to share room.

I know it's not ideal but our child needs their own space now. We are likely not going to be able to move now for another 2-3 years.

AIBU to say it will have to do for now and put my foot down?

It's not fair imo to have a resident child in with us, having no space for their things just to avoid DSC having bunk beds for a couple of years.

DSC are good kids. They aren't kicking up a huge fuss just have made it known they don't like the idea. But I believe if explained to them properly why this is the case that they will get over it and be fine.

The room seems quite big as it can accommodate bunks, your dc's bed and floor space for seating ext. Could you and dh possibly have this room and allow the 3 kids to have the bigger room. It would still need the dsc to have bunk beds but there might be a bit more separation possible between their things and the younger child's? If you allow them to have the bigger room would it be possible to have some sort of partition dividing the room? In any event you are definitely nbu in moving a 3 year old out of your room and providing a bit of personal space for both you and him/her.

Sounds fine to me. I shared with a sister and at about the same age a third sister moved in to the same room.

I would maybe reconsider the space, especially for toys, study etc. I think you’d be better off with the older one in a high cabin bed with 2 desks underneath for both boys. Bunk beds for the middle and younger. That way the two older boys get to be up at the same height and chat to each other etc.

The extra space under a high bed will be more useful in the long term and could be screened off with furniture/playpen to keep the 3yo away from precious things like Lego and homework.

So I would be open to swapping rooms definitely but as I say, we have some built in wardrobes in ours so the floor space isn't actually as big as the other room.

It's a really good sized room. We could probably split it and make two smaller ones but there wouldn't be the nice open space there is now and one half would be without a window which I don't think is any good.

Could you give one of the dcyour bedroo, and have a sofa bed in the lounge to sleep on. You could still have your stuff in your old bedroom.

Can you not set out the room so there's a divide down the middle using wardrobes or similar? I don't think it's fair on an 11yo to have to share with a 3yo - what happens when they want to use their room in the evening and can't, because the 3yo is in bed?

My main concern would be that your toddler would trash all your bigger kids' things, as toddlers are wont to do. At 11 I'd be voting with my feet if there was a toddler in my bedroom! What about things like reading in bed? Lie ins? Quiet time to themselves?

Tbh, you chose to have the baby, not them, and i really don't think this is a good solution. It may be your only option, but i would be prepared for your older DSD to be around an awful lot less.

@Standrewsschool

Could you give one of the dcyour bedroo, and have a sofa bed in the lounge to sleep on. You could still have your stuff in your old bedroom.

So they'd sleep in the living room and leave one actual bedroom empty for 4 nights a week? How ridiculous!

Could you possibly arrange the room with two cabin beds perhaps like these furniture123.co.uk/Images/WND008_1_Supersize.jpg?width=937&height=937&v=12

and still have room for a toddler bed at all? You might need to allocate some of the under bed storage to the toddler's things depending but that might still work better than bunks?

Another thread where the demands of step children are far more important than the actual needs of resident children

Of course they have to share. They'll have to suck it up like the millions of other kids sharing a bedroom who might perhaps prefer their own. Your child lives there all the time and doesn't even have their own bedroom over children who are there less than half the week who have their own space at their other parents house. I'm only surprised he's been in your room for so long to be honest.

I can’t believe anyone thinks this is unreasonable, funny how I was told on here it was perfectly fine for my 4 children to stay overnight at their dads house in his bedroom because he has no room for them, so 5 people in one room. yet 3 children can’t share a room

Can you swap your double for a zip link bed. When DSC come, you sleep on a sofa bed downstairs in the lounge, unlink beds in your room so they can have it to sleep in? Do they use the room for much else?

I think it’s as stressful as you make it. Get the older two to help you choose the bunks and if you can get a budget together, turn it into a whole decorating /designing event. Go mad, let them make outrageous suggestions, turn it into a decorating brainstorm! You might be surprised at what they come up with. Have fun and they will too. Stop feeling guilty, get your partner to stop stressing; this is a temporary first world problem. Turn their room into an amazing , beautiful space that they will be excited to come to.

11 is old for a bunk bed. Not an ideal situation really, it's a big age gap too - but like you say, it won't be for long and then you'll have more room for everybody.

Can you involve the DSC's in designing the shared room - so get their input (especially the older one) on if you have the eldest in a high cabin and the other two in bunk beds or your DC in the toddler cabin bed
That they all have to share is a given, but how they share - they get to control a bit more?

Why is 11 too old for bunk beds??

They may choose to come over less so as long as your DH is prepared for that.

I know quite a few that dropped their visits dramatically when they had new half siblings and suddenly everything changes and rooms need to be shared with much younger children and no space due to toys. I’d leave the three year old in your room as they are young enough to not care.

Your husband is being ridiculous, of course they should share.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

They may choose to come over less so as long as your DH is prepared for that.

I know quite a few that dropped their visits dramatically when they had new half siblings and suddenly everything changes and rooms need to be shared with much younger children and no space due to toys. I’d leave the three year old in your room as they are young enough to not care.

Presumably op and her husband are old enough to care?

And why does being only 3 mean you don't get your own room in your own house that you live in full time? It makes 0 sense.

A high cabinet and a bunk with toddler at the bottom actually sounds like a reasonable idea to offer up? Both dsc get somewhere that toddler can't access that way, albeit a small space. Pop a shelf up on each one so they have a space for favourite book/teddy/nail varnish/reading light. Depending on layout they could go in an L shape so they are able to be head to head if they like to chat before sleep.

Yes they need to share, no it isn't ideal. However it isn't forever and there are ways to make it more fun and easier to live with for the time being.

I'd put a divider up for the 3yo I think so the older 2 still feel like they have their own space.
3yo would really only be in there to sleep I assume anyway?
How will it work with bedtimes though? Will the older 2 be sensible enough to not wake the 3yo when they go to bed?

Do it OP.
If the room is big enough for the 3 of them, there is no problem and it will have to do by now.
There are some cool bunk beds out there. They may like it aftter all.

*cabin

Best solution is to go ahead as you've planned- obviously talking it through with the children first. I'd keep an eye on them at bedtime though JUST IN CASE they're mean to the little one in an attempt to have their space back (happened to someone I know- toddler was always in tears and unable to say why until mum put a baby monitor in the room to see what was going on).

I would do what you said. I would also get a partition wall, the ones that fold so of an evening you pull pull that round to separate the 3 year old and the older boys. Then just fold it back together in the morning. It means the 3 year old wouldn’t get excited seeing them and they feel like they have their own space.

Or what about getting a sofa bed too? Letting the older boys have their bunk but give them the option to sleep downstairs on the sofa bed if they want the space or to stay up late.

OP I've been in a very similar situation only DSD is here less - every other weekend. She didn't want to share and DD is therefore still in with me, in her own bed, at nearly 3. It's made me angry in the last year as DD has no space at all of her own, and the bedroom next door is empty more than it's occupied.

The worst part in our case was that there was another bedroom for DSD to occupy; she just didn't like its location in the house. 🤷🏻‍♀️

DP is a complete Disney dad when it comes to DSD. I completely understand; she's a good kid. But DD deserves her own space.

You're perfectly justified to feel the way you do and the girls will have to temporarily suck it up. As for bunk beds, I was 5' 8" by 18 and slept in a bunk until I went to university.