To complain to the class teacher?

[Whatisthisfuckery]

For the last few weeks DS has been complaining that in a certain lesson he has been seated next to a student who, quite frankly, is a pain in the arse. According to DS he’s always talking, messing around and drawing attention to himself, and the poor behaviour is preventing DS from concentrating on his own work. DS is a good student, he gets good marks, always does his work and I’ve never had a bad word from school about his conduct.

I’ve been telling DS that if he wants to be moved then he needs to tell the teacher. DS is a bit short on confidence so needs a lot of encouragement and reassurance in order to speak up for himself. Today he’s come home and told me he told the teacher that this kid was preventing him from being able to concentrate and he’d asked her if he could be moved. The teacher refused, her response was, ‘I’ve sat x there because I know you two (DS and another female student) are sensible.’

I am bloody annoyed about this. Well behaved students aren’t there to help teachers manage the behaviour of more challenging students, and why should my DS suffer because the teacher wants him to act as a buffer for someone elses disruptive behaviour? Should DS start playing up in lessons so he can get moved next to some less disruptive kids? Not only that, the teacher has refused to listen to DS’s POV and refused his request because it’s inconvenient for her to do so.

AIBU to complain to the teacher about this?

You can, it's so annoying but also really, really common.

Life lesson - learn to manage distractions.

It would be a hell of a lot more disruptive for your DS if that teacher had all the disruptive kids together. Teachers can't get the seating plan perfect - they just do their best.

Try to take it as a compliment that your DS is seen as a reliable student.

Just reiterate the request that DS be moved as he cannot concentrate and it is affecting his learning.

It’s a bit difficult to make ad-hoc seating plan changes at the moment because of the need to keep a record of close contacts so the request coming from a parent should hopefully work.

The problem is, the disruptive kid has to sit somewhere. I get that it’s annoying for your son, but if the disruptive kid is sat next to another disruptive kid (who likely won’t complain) then they are likely to cause a bigger problem and disrupt the class, including your son, even more.

I do sympathise, but as a teacher who’s taught their fair share of disruptive kids, there’s not a lot that can be done. I would hope the teacher will change it at some point fairly soon to give your son a break and someone else will have their turn.

This used to happen to my DDs all the time, they were seated next to ‘busy’ children to be a calming influence. It used to really about them but the teachers always moved them when I complained. Thankfully it wasn’t an issue at secondary.

Do talk to the teacher.

Tell them that for your DC to have spoken to them about it took some bravery as he doesn't like to cause a fuss. That is how much he feels he is being put upon.

If the teacher tries to explain their thinking ask them why they see your child's education to be of less importance... and move your complaint up to the HT.

I know it is a common classroom tactic, but it never works. I taught the other end of the system, post compulsory, and spoke to many students who had this done to them. They resent it.... a lot!

and move your complaint up to the HT.

No, in secondary next step would be head of department.

Absolutely complain. Persistently disruptive children should be removed from lessons, not allowed to disrupt the education of those trying to concentrate.

I missed the age group!!

I agree with noblegiraffe

I get that disruptive kids have to sit somewhere, and that teachers can’t do right for doing wrong, but it is their job to manage the students. My DS’s job is to go into school, behave himself, do his work and try his best, that is all, his job is not to assist in managing other student’s behaviour. He is there for his own good, not the good of the teacher. If that were the case then he would be getting paid as well.

If it was my son, and he has expressed that his finding it difficult to concentrate and it was affecting his learning - I absolutely would be speaking to the teacher again and my son would have to be moved.

Yes the disruptive child has to sit next to someone - but it doesn’t have to be my son. Simple

DS is in Y8.

YANBU - this used to happen to myself in school all the time and I absolutely hated it. I managed and coped because like your DS, I had little confidence and hated confrontation.

I don't think YABU to reiterate how your DS is feeling, ultimately you're only looking out for your DS.

I wish you luck OP

How about rather than going in to 'complain' you speak to the teacher about the issue your son is having & whilst you understand their reasoning you'd prefer it if you son wasn't seated beside this other pupil. It would also be good to explain that your son is reluctant to speak up so it took a lot of guts for him to speak to the teacher about the issue & that he doesn't feel his concerns were listened to.
Then, if they are still sat together - complain.

I would speak to the teacher. It's really off of a teacher to ignore a child who has taken the steps of finding the confidence to approach the teacher about an issue with such a brush off.

I would ask for him to be moved as he is unable to concentrate next to this child.

However, I would also be saying to ds that he will sometimes need to work alongside those who are not as well behaved as him. There may also be other factors that the teacher is juggling. I had a parent request their child be moved; what they don't realise is that a can't see the board well so needs to sit at the front, b can't sit with c because they always squabble etc etc. Moving one child also has an impact on the dynamics of the whole room. I also found that actually the child who has asked to be moved is now disturbing the people near to him so is actually more a problem himself than his parents think. The row he left behind is functioning really well whilst the one he moved to has been disruptive...

Why can’t the disruptive child be sat on a desk on his own? Very bad for your son but very common practice. Also means he misses out on the fun of having the opportunity of sitting next to someone good, whilst all the class gets to do that. Also partner work can get very tedious if they can’t do much.

We used to move very disruptive kids to sit and work in much older year groups, it worked really well but we can’t now because of covid.

Maybe you could ask the teacher when they plan to change up the seating plan as you don’t want your DS being disrupted the whole half term.

YANBU at all

It is sadly very common, but it's very wrong. It's unacceptable that it's such a permanent solution. I would complain.

It seems that for an easier life, it's always the nice kids and the quiet parents who lose out. It should be the disruptive kid who should learn about consequences, not the quiet ones who should be punished!

'It's not my child's job to manage other chldren's behaviour. That's your job. I get that perhaps everyone in the class may need to have their turn sitting next to disruptive child, but that doesn't appear to be what's happening."

To the teacher AND someone over their head so it will be dealt with.

Yanbu to ask that this pupil is moved.

My kids were also victims of this in primary. I get that the disruptive kid has to sit somewhere but this job could be spread around the class so it's not the same people having to put up with this for weeks/months on end.

"He is there for his own good, not the good of the teacher. If that were the case then he would be getting paid as well." A calm class enhances everyone's classroom experience and the teacher has to consider everyone's needs. Is it possible seating plans have been fixed because of Covid and the teacher can't move anyone at the moment, but was bigging up your boy's good behaviour to be nice? I somehow doubt he's due a salary.

@Stay123

Why can’t the disruptive child be sat on a desk on his own? Very bad for your son but very common practice. Also means he misses out on the fun of having the opportunity of sitting next to someone good, whilst all the class gets to do that. Also partner work can get very tedious if they can’t do much.

I hate how the answer to this is always to segregate pupils.

Seems out of sight out of mind is too easy an option for many

Classrooms are often too small to do this.