To complain to the class teacher?

[Whatisthisfuckery]

For the last few weeks DS has been complaining that in a certain lesson he has been seated next to a student who, quite frankly, is a pain in the arse. According to DS he’s always talking, messing around and drawing attention to himself, and the poor behaviour is preventing DS from concentrating on his own work. DS is a good student, he gets good marks, always does his work and I’ve never had a bad word from school about his conduct.

I’ve been telling DS that if he wants to be moved then he needs to tell the teacher. DS is a bit short on confidence so needs a lot of encouragement and reassurance in order to speak up for himself. Today he’s come home and told me he told the teacher that this kid was preventing him from being able to concentrate and he’d asked her if he could be moved. The teacher refused, her response was, ‘I’ve sat x there because I know you two (DS and another female student) are sensible.’

I am bloody annoyed about this. Well behaved students aren’t there to help teachers manage the behaviour of more challenging students, and why should my DS suffer because the teacher wants him to act as a buffer for someone elses disruptive behaviour? Should DS start playing up in lessons so he can get moved next to some less disruptive kids? Not only that, the teacher has refused to listen to DS’s POV and refused his request because it’s inconvenient for her to do so.

AIBU to complain to the teacher about this?

Anyway op yes email the head of year,

Why not the teacher first? A Head of Year would just pass on the email to the teacher anyway and potentially delay a response.

I think it's a perfect solution to sit a disruptive pupil on their own if you have enough space; they may even prefer it. I had a known disrupter in my new Y6 class one year, and I asked him if it would it would be easier for him if he sat on his own; he agreed and we had very little trouble from him that year.

Get a solicitor?

🤣😂🤣

Some posters on this thread apparently have no idea what standard state school classrooms are like.

That child has to sit somewhere and that means someone has to sit near him and for now it's your ds's turn. It won't last forever. If the teacher sat all of the distracting children together then no one would ever get any work done. Spreading them out is a common and reasonably successful method of behaviour management. Your son is not "helping manage another child's behaviour" he is just being in his class. What else do you think the teacher can do? If you don't want your son to be distracted by other children perhaps you should think about home schooling.

Can I echo @asifiwould as a secondary school teacher of 30 years - classrooms are small and packed with pupils; sanctions are meaningless. Teachers are exasperated and powerless. Complain about the actual pupil to the actual headteacher - works wonders. Pushy parents can achieve more in one email than class teachers can in countless referrals. We know some pupils should not be in mainstream education; we know that as teachers we are toothless as there are no sanctions; we are trying our best and until money is invested in provision to accommodate mainstream pupils who clearly 'aren't' we can't do anything. Address the problem further up the school and maybe the class teacher will actually get the support they need!!

Very heavy handed approach OP. All you need to do is to make the request yourself. It's a nightmare moving seats just now - child A's mum phones in tomorrow and says they've had a positive test, tracking kicks in and it's oh OP's dc sat in this seat and that seat?
I'd like my dc's seat moved in a certain subject - an email to their guidance teacher (or the English equivalent) and I know he'll get a new seat. As I'm giving both a reason and time for the change to be made.
Some people just want something to have a fight about.

It sounds like this child needs a support worker sat next to him

A what now? We can’t even afford glue sticks.

@Choccylips

It sounds like this child needs a support worker sat next to him he obviously has problems and is disrupting everyone he sits next to. Why should your DS have to take responsibility for him. The teacher needs retraining and it needs reporting to the head teacher. Failing that get a solicitor this is a serious matter children have lost enough time this year without putting this problem on their shoulders.

What on earth am I reading?!

Choccylips thanks for the laugh

@noblegiraffe

It sounds like this child needs a support worker sat next to him

A what now? We can’t even afford glue sticks.

Forget glue sticks - get superglue and stick the disruptive child to their seat? Problem solved.

It becomes tricky when there are too many unruly kids to share out!

YANBU

I was in your sons position in high school, it’s shit

The teacher needs to manage the behaviour of the disruptive pupils without relying on the well behaved pupils to do it for them.

@woolff

He is there for his own good, not the good of the teacher. If that were the case then he would be getting paid as well.

Paid? You've lost your argument there. Of course the other child should be taught to work in a way which isn't disruptive, but the qualified teacher is the one who gets to make the decisions around this; not a child.

Yes, managing behaviour is one of the teacher's responsibilities, but so is teaching the whole class, and actually, your son is part of that group and does have a role to play.

Children need to learn to work cooperatively, and manage their own reactions, so if you want him in a classroom environment with peers (in the current climate, actually risking people's health and being allowed one of the only activities deemed essential in the budget of risk), he needs to get on with what he's there for and let the teacher control the dynamics.

So you tell me how was DD supposed to get on with her work when the kid next to her kept elbowing her while she was writing? "Accidentally " kicking her and throwing her things off the table? Stealing her things? "Accidentally " dropping his water bottle and getting her book soaked? When he's talking/humming/whistling/whatever noise non stop so she can't hear the teacher? When she's losing out on rewards or going last to lunch/play/whatever because both children have to be quiet in order to do so?

That's without the expectation that she should help him with his work,but also finish her own to a high enough standard.

It's not her job to behaviour manage another pupil. It's bullshit to say oh but group work and working as a team and what not. They get all the responsibility but none of the authority . Let's not forget there are a few teachers that as adults and with years of experience still can't effectively behaviour manage. Why expect so much more from children?

Someone has to sit next to them. What do you suggest as a solution? That children with SEND or social/emotional problems are banned from school? Executed? Shot to the moon?

@Choccylips I really can't work out if you are just trying to get a reaction or if you are actually serious.

OK, so lets assume you are serious. If every teacher had to go to 'retrain' because they have a disruptive student they were trying to manage by reorganising the seating plans then all schools would have to close whilst tens of thousands of teachers are out for training. Please do not assume the issue lies with poor teaching practices - it does not.

The reality of the classroom today is that there are many, many disruptive students and teachers trying to do their very vest for all of their students with very few tools available to them. Places in PRUs are like gold dust, parents are quick to complain (or in fact call in their solicitors if they follow your advice!!!0, budgets are squeezed to breaking points so classes are often huge.

I'm a teacher and think you are being a bit unreasonable, unless your child is extremely emotionally fragile and really can't tolerate any kind of discomfort.

I understand it may not be ideal for your child at the moment but it's not forever (or shouldn't be). What he will learn from having to work with somebody tricky is a valuable life skill.

We do have parents complaining about the seating plan or trying to control it at our school, and they are usually people who struggle socially themselves. I rarely have complaints about seating plans in my class because there are ways of putting some positive spin on it. Eg explaining that people have to take a turn sitting away from their friends sometimes, because it's good for them to develop independence and get to know other people, but if they've drawn the short straw this time they can sit next to their friend next time we change the seating plan (until they blow it, which certain combinations are guaranteed to do). Or heaping on the praise for what amazing team players they are and how they have this amazing ability to bring the best out of others.

Seating plans really are a world of fun... Sometimes I just organise it according to what each child deserves - nice kids with nice kids, nasty kids with different kinds of nasty kids... Or pair people up so that there are complimentary strengths (a maths person with a bookish person, or a quiet person with a sociable person). Sometimes two slightly lost souls can bond and that's always heartening, though can backfire. The absolute best kids will raise the social capital and/or academic performance of whoever they sit with, and are happy to do so - parents of these kinds of kids NEVER complain, because they're usually like their kids (generous in spirit).

Oh yes - and get a support worker to sit next to the disruptive student. I assume you mean an LSA. Again, this costs money, and it takes a long to time have a child assessed to see if they would even qualify for in class support. And also, where are you going to seat all of the LSAs? One per disruptive child would have meant my class of 34 going up to over 40.

When I was young, I don't remember any disruption in my classes at secondary. They streamed us and stuck everyone with any barrier to learning in the low sets. I wouldn't recommend that approach.

Everyone's all for Sen inclusion until it happens 🙄

@purplewaterfall

Someone has to sit next to them. What do you suggest as a solution? That children with SEND or social/emotional problems are banned from school? Executed? Shot to the moon?

Why make that assumption? No wonder everyone assumes that SEND automatically means bad behaviour.

One of the most disruptive children I've met had no SEND or emotional/social issues.

Just spoilt to a ridiculous level. So ridiculous in fact because he came in crying and throwing his things around because on his SISTER's birthday all he got was a new water bottle and backpack.

YABU If you go in to complain but if you email the school and ask to discuss it and do so politely you might get somewhere. There is a child in my DC's class who is quite lively, the teacher has a separate table for them to go to and other times they move round to mix up the groups so children are not always next to the same children, obviously that's tricky in secondary right now but one of mine is in primary.

pre covid and when i was teaching, we would sit any disruptors among the studious students and that usually worked well as the disruptor did not have an audience....which is what he or she is looking for.

@eeek88

I'm a teacher and think you are being a bit unreasonable, unless your child is extremely emotionally fragile and really can't tolerate any kind of discomfort.

I understand it may not be ideal for your child at the moment but it's not forever (or shouldn't be). What he will learn from having to work with somebody tricky is a valuable life skill.

We do have parents complaining about the seating plan or trying to control it at our school, and they are usually people who struggle socially themselves. I rarely have complaints about seating plans in my class because there are ways of putting some positive spin on it. Eg explaining that people have to take a turn sitting away from their friends sometimes, because it's good for them to develop independence and get to know other people, but if they've drawn the short straw this time they can sit next to their friend next time we change the seating plan (until they blow it, which certain combinations are guaranteed to do). Or heaping on the praise for what amazing team players they are and how they have this amazing ability to bring the best out of others.

Seating plans really are a world of fun... Sometimes I just organise it according to what each child deserves - nice kids with nice kids, nasty kids with different kinds of nasty kids... Or pair people up so that there are complimentary strengths (a maths person with a bookish person, or a quiet person with a sociable person). Sometimes two slightly lost souls can bond and that's always heartening, though can backfire. The absolute best kids will raise the social capital and/or academic performance of whoever they sit with, and are happy to do so - parents of these kinds of kids NEVER complain, because they're usually like their kids (generous in spirit).

So if your TA talks over you, what do you do? If you're listening to a student and she starts talking to you? If she deletes your emails? Goes to the computer and opens Google while you're in the middle of a PowerPoint presentation? Starts making jokes with the children or shouting across the classroom ? Takes your pens while you're marking? She's poking you because you're not answering?

You just get on with it and focus on your work? Keep ignoring her and working with her?