To be upset with no bday present

[Thankyoubutnothankyou]

First of all I know I'm not being too unreasonable to be incredibly hurt.
I have two siblings, one older one younger. A few years ago the older one turned 40 and the younger one suggested we'd get them an expensive birthday gift. It was something theyd wanted for a long time, so we both chipped in, got it and even had it delivered.
Today is my 40th. All I got so far is a text message from the younger sibling. Nothing yet from the older. I don't think they've gotten me anything. WWYD? Wait til the end of the day and then say something or never mention it. I'm so disappointed I feel like crying.. Its not the gift or the money obviously but the disregard 😞

I get it. I've two brothers, too.

I'm in a similar position. My younger sibling has never bothered with my birthday, not even on 'big' birthdays. I understand how you feel, and it's the thought that is important. However, I do think you're being harsh with your older brother. It was a generous voucher and it means you can choose what you want.

OP that really is crap of them, as you say it's the thought that's missing.

Reminds me of when my dad died, I was 35 weeks pregnant and my mum.showed me a jar of £2 coins my dad had collected to buy me a cot. She told me then cashed it in her account. She is loaded. My baby had a cot that at least five other babies had given to me from a contractor at work.

It was the intention and thoughtless of it that hurt. I loved the fact that the cot was well loved and my four kids had it until it fell apart. But it's the niggling doubt that my mum wasn't just being selfish money grabbing, but that she wanted to hurt me. I bet a tiny part of you thinks your younger brother thought about the guitar then brushed it off. That feeling sucks.

@Mrsmom2020

I'm sorry op but I think you are being unreasonable and a bit of a spoilt brat giving out because you didn't get a big joint gift for your birthday, you got txts and 100 pound voucher be grateful you got anything, with all that is going on in the world atm be grateful you have your health and 2 brothers who sent a txt. A lot of people don't have that. Your 40 not 4.

It's not a race to the bottom and certainly has nothing to do with the pandemic. Biggerr shit is always going on, it doesn't invalidate the OPs hurt feelings over being treated like an afterthought. You sound like you have the emotional insight of a 4 year old, @Mrsmom2020 .

Certainly don't have the emotional insight of a 4 year old the op asked an opinion I'm entitled to mine as are you. Hardly an after thought she got a voucher and maybe her older brother thought he was doing something good. If people don't like reading opinions then they shouldn't post on a public forum

@Mrsmom2020

Certainly don't have the emotional insight of a 4 year old the op asked an opinion I'm entitled to mine as are you. Hardly an after thought she got a voucher and maybe her older brother thought he was doing something good. If people don't like reading opinions then they shouldn't post on a public forum

You're entitled to an opinion, as long as that opinion holds weight and is intelligently thought out. Calling someone a 'spoilt brat' and suggesting they're acting like a child is merely name-calling, and what's currently happening in the world is completely irrelevant to the situation. It's like when parents repeat the bollocks line 'you should eat your dinner because children in Africa are starving', just completely useless rhetoric.

@Mrsmom2020 so you think just because there are terrible things going on in the world, you should never feel hurt by other people?
My older brothers gift was generous in monetary terms, but was it thoughtful? No way. He picked a gift voucher from a retail chain my dh works for out of all the other shops that would have been more suitable for me. So it's not the money, it's the thought. He could've asked my dh for example what he thinks I like. Even some chocolates or my favourite flowers.. Whatever really..

I'm not name calling op from what I can read is complaining about what gifts she got that wernt thoughtful and such, all I was saying is that she should be grateful she has a family to receive the texts from and maybe the younger brother has something arranged for Xmas or whatever when they can all be together if they can due to the pandemic. You don't give gifts to recieve them and getting upset that what was received is slightly spoilt and brattish so just stating the facts. She has a voucher now so she can choose something she really likes and maybe her older brother didn't want to get it wrong. I apologise for offending anyone with my words.

[quote Thankyoubutnothankyou]@Mrsmom2020 so you think just because there are terrible things going on in the world, you should never feel hurt by other people?
My older brothers gift was generous in monetary terms, but was it thoughtful? No way. He picked a gift voucher from a retail chain my dh works for out of all the other shops that would have been more suitable for me. So it's not the money, it's the thought. He could've asked my dh for example what he thinks I like. Even some chocolates or my favourite flowers.. Whatever really..[/quote]
No I didn't say you shouldn't feel hurt but just to put things in perspective is all. I'm sorry you didn't get something special from them sometimes family are just shit! But it seems your husband and children treated you too and that's something to remember and enjoy from your special birthday. I'm sorry if I offended you happy birthday for the other day!

His reply was laughing emojis!! And then he said how do you know we haven't organised anything.
Did you reply to this?

I would have said:

1. because my birthday has been and gone &
2. because I’ve spoken to [older brother].

Mrsmom2020 you might want to look up the concept of the Fallacy of Relative Privation which, in essence, boils down to "if you always say people can't complain about anything because someone always has it worse, it follows that there is only ever one person on the planet who can complain and that is the person who is worst off in every respect."

Chances are it will be a disabled girl in a hugely deprived area.

The good news is that their lives are usually nasty, brutish and short so the mantle of who is allowed to complain probably changes hands frequently.

It is, obviously, a completely ridiculous position to take. Everyone can complain about things that hurt them, and you are entitled to think OP is being silly. But i tend to agree with PP in that since it seemed that the brothers were setting up a rather nice family tradition of thoughtful (not necessarily expensive) 40th birthday presents, OP is perfectly allowed to be disgruntled.

I am full of admiration that you have addressed this, OP. Although you are being very forbearing in letting the younger brother come over. I'm afraid I'm petty enough to really scale back my present giving for him this year (and forever)

I wasn't surprised to read that you have two brothers and you have been the 'caring one' out of the siblings.

Honestly, just stop. Take a step back, you know now they don't appreciate what you do so do the minimum just like they do. I have three siblings, I get it.

@ukgift2016 I am going to stop. Already doing the bare minimum and definitely not taking part in any big joint presents in the future..