To be upset with no bday present

[Thankyoubutnothankyou]

First of all I know I'm not being too unreasonable to be incredibly hurt.
I have two siblings, one older one younger. A few years ago the older one turned 40 and the younger one suggested we'd get them an expensive birthday gift. It was something theyd wanted for a long time, so we both chipped in, got it and even had it delivered.
Today is my 40th. All I got so far is a text message from the younger sibling. Nothing yet from the older. I don't think they've gotten me anything. WWYD? Wait til the end of the day and then say something or never mention it. I'm so disappointed I feel like crying.. Its not the gift or the money obviously but the disregard 😞

I don’t remember the last time I got presents...that stopped by the time I turned 18.
That’s so sad @CtrlU Can you seriously imagine your own children turning 19 and you not giving them a present? Or 21? Or any age really!

@Cheeseandwin5 What a sanctimonious essay you've composed here-she certainly has more of an idea of her siblings situations than you don't you think? We aren't all in total lockdown and where did she say she's expecting a million dollar gift?

@Thankyoubutnothankyou if you’re just going to stress over it all day then say something to find out one way or another.

Happy Birthday
don't let it spoil your day
If nothing turns up, treat yourself something nice
offset the cost against future gifts that you won't be buying

I bought birthday cake in Waitrose at the weekend because it was reduced to £1.20, (nowhere near my birthday) I will eat the last slice especially for you

Yanbu. Maybe text them tomorrow and say whoever was supposed to be delivering your present hasn't turned up yet so perhaps they should chase it up!

@Cheeseandwin5 why wouldn't I have an idea of my siblings financial situation 🙄 We talk. They're fine. Not affected by covid in work or private life. And you're getting this all wrong. My younger brother suggested buying the present for my older brother few years ago. I said great, I'm in. He knew where to get it and organised it. Anyhow.. All 40th birthdays are obviously not equal in my family. I'll talk to them in a few days when I've gotten over it 🙄

I’d wait and see what happens through the day, deliveries or contact from them. If nothing happens then I would take that as a sign to lower expectations and reduce your gifts to them to a token. Then spend the money that you have saved on something fab for yourself.

Happy birthday

They've both texted and said happy birthday. I've said thank you. No mention of anything else. They do get presents for my dc, yes. Birthdays and Xmas.

I’m hoping it’s on it’s way to you still....
... milestone birthdays are important. It’s a celebration of the passing of time and the guitar clearly set the precedent. YANBU to be a bit disappointed if they have forgotten.

I’d wait until later and if the relationship allows send a message along the lines of “been waiting in all day for my 40th bday gift from you guys. So sorry to say it didn’t get delivered. Shall I leave it with you to chase up?’ And then wait while they sweat.

I'd be upset too OP. I hope you manage to have a lovely birthday anyway.

Just don't want to appear shallow and obviously it's not about the present itself or money spent. It's about going through the effort for someone and putting in the thought. Text message is so quick to send. I send dozens every week.

I don't think you should be passive aggressive. I think you should call each and say you were hurt. No drama, just a simple "it's not the gift it is the thought and you guys made me feel lousy. I will get over it, but that sucked."

I’d be upset, but don’t let it ruin your day!

YANBU to be hurt. I would hope something present shaped is coming to you soon!

Happy Birthday btw!

@Emelene thank you ❤️ I worked a night shift and got home to lovely cards/gift from my dc and dh. Now enjoying a box of chocolates with coffee before dc come home.

It's a bit shit when you realize you're not as important to others the way they are to you. A 40th bday is pretty big, there's no excuse. It's ok to be disappointed. But all you can do is suck it up and make sure you no longer shell out for any expensive gifts and send nothing but a happy bday whatsapp message in the future. Treat them the way they treat you, not in a vengeful way, but because you will set yourself up for disappointment otherwise.

It was my 40th last week, several birthday gifts arrived 11 days after posting first class on a sunday! So don’t give up hope yet! Happy Birthday 🥳

Happy birthday.
There's nothing wrong with telling them you're hurt by the difference in 'big' birthday thoughtfulness.

And little brother? When his 40th comes up, laugh in their faces if they suggest anything!

I'd be upset, yanbu at all!

Have a very Happy Birthday, hope you enjoy the rest of your day

I do understand why you’re upset.
However, I think you may have had a different interpretation of that guitar:

• you: oh how lovely, we’re starting a 40ths present thing!

• them: he’s turning 40, and for once I’ve got a cool idea for something, let’s do it! (never intending to start a tradition)

I organised a joint present for my sister’s 40th as it was in lockdown - not expensive, but delivered. Not something we’d usually do, but a fun extra because of lockdown. Imagine an online escape room type thing. 6 months later I did similar for my brother. We weren’t all in lockdown, but he was having a really shitty time, and stuck at home for other reasons, with no family. All lovely. Except another sibling had a birthday in between, and took the piss out of me on siblings WhatsApp for leaving her out. I felt AWFUL! I’d marked her birthday, but not instigated the group game. Thing is, I’d never intended it to be A Thing. It was just circumstance in both cases - I never intended to do it for birthday person 3, so didn’t “miss out” 2, at the time.

So I expect that the big present was just one of those times when someone has a great idea that happens to fit with a 40th - but they never had any intention of staring a tradition.

I do get why you’d be upset - but I think you should judge them on your overall relationship with them - that sounds positive. Thankfully, my missed out sister did that with me 😊

Happy birthday!

How long until your younger sibling turns 40?

@Beachhuts90 another 7 years 🙄 This will all be but a memory by then..

@Cocomarine I get what you're saying, but it is my 40th and I don't see any circumstantial obstacles for being a bit thoughtful, especially when older brothers 40th birthday was marked in a big way.