To be upset with no bday present

[Thankyoubutnothankyou]

First of all I know I'm not being too unreasonable to be incredibly hurt.
I have two siblings, one older one younger. A few years ago the older one turned 40 and the younger one suggested we'd get them an expensive birthday gift. It was something theyd wanted for a long time, so we both chipped in, got it and even had it delivered.
Today is my 40th. All I got so far is a text message from the younger sibling. Nothing yet from the older. I don't think they've gotten me anything. WWYD? Wait til the end of the day and then say something or never mention it. I'm so disappointed I feel like crying.. Its not the gift or the money obviously but the disregard 😞

I don’t mean circumstantial obstacles - quite the opposite - that it was a positive decision to get him the guitar, rather than a negative decision not to get you something extra.

There’s clearly no reason they couldn’t have done something extra for you. But possibly it just wasn’t on their radar, as the guitar was just a one-off good idea.

It’s still a bit hurtful - but I still think, judge them on the relationship that you usually have with them.

I think its really good that they both texted, but its clearly hurt you, so give it a few days and Say to them, without making it dramatic that although you were glad to receive their texts you are a bit hurt that you've been happy to make more of an effort for family 40ths, but you are a bit hurt that no one made the same effort for you.. and leave it at that. You will have got it off your chest at least and can move on.

Yanbu to be upset. It's perfectly reasonable, given the way that your family dynamic sounds to have expected some extra effort on a significant birthday. I agree with PPs that you shouldn't send a PA response but instead let them know that you're hurt and move on. Happy Birthday, the 40 years are fabulous! 😁🍾

Happy birthday!

You are not being unreasonable at all, it's pretty shitty of them.

Could your DH text and say something like 'hey, I just wanted to check if anything is being delivered today as we are planning on nipping out for a bit and I don't want to miss it'

Then at least you will know and they will hopefully recognise they have screwed up

Happy 40th Birthday! 🥳

I get your hurt OP. It's a shitty thing to do.
My sister never even gives me a card. Only me she does my other siblings but doesn't bother with me. Yet had the cheek to complain when I didn't send her one back and slagged me off on social media...

Why don’t you reply to brothers, so present in the post then?!

@SpillingTheTea I'm sorry you also have a shitty sibling 😞

Maybe something genuinely got lost in the post.

I think that you need to just check with them

I would leave it a week Ana just text them and say you felt overlooked on your 40th after x got such a thoughtful present for his 40th.

Are you going to mention something to them op??

Haven't said anything yet. Just thanked for the wishes by text. I think I'll leave it for a few days to be absolutely sure, and if nothing turns up, I'll mention it..

I don't want to ruin my relationship with them by reacting with anger, but I do want them to know they've hurt my feelings.

I'd be hurt too OP. A birthday is the one day to call your own and to hope family and friends make it a special day for you.

It’s my birthday today as well, in my opinion it’s the perfect birthday. Right after the birthday hang over we get to look forward to Christmas.
Happy Birthday!

sorry you're upset by this, OP, i would be too.

Happy Birthday!

when you bring it up you can say to younger sibling "pity the big present for the 40th birthdays didn't take off, I had a fantastic idea for yours"

Eugh that is rubbish. Definitely follow it up with them. I hope they have sent you something and it’s just late. Hope you had a lovely birthday otherwise!

Happy birthday op. Sorry they didn't send you anything. I would leave it a few days then ask how come they didn't send you anything for your 40th? And just leave it at that.

Older brother has texted to ask if I'm home on Friday. He's nearby for work and wants to pop over to give me something small. Feels a bit better. Now I only have the younger brother to deal with (who will be getting a pair of socks from me for his 40th).. @Mustbe3ormorecharacters happy birthday to you too 💐🎂🎉 Usually is a pretty good time to have a birthday with Xmas parties etc.. But we won't go into that 😂

I hope the something small is actually something special from both of them

Happy birthday! Good news about older brother popping over.

It was DH's birthday at the weekend and neither of his brothers sent a card or present. He got a 'happy birthday' in the family WhatsApp chat. I am so hurt for him. We always send cards and a present to them and they are just crap. I can't see how I can call them out on it without sounding like a cow though. And I know my DH isn't as bothered as me. It's just not nice to feel as if noone values your one special day.

I hope he surprises you with a really lovely gift from them both. I’d be gutted, too.

Fingers crossed you are getting something very special.

I can't see how I can call them out on it without sounding like a cow though.

you could mention it casually about a month before the next birthday "just to confirm, we're keeping to the new thing of no cards/presents" and leave it at that.

It’s still a bit shit imo. To me, unless the effort is made on someone’s actually birthday, then it’s a bit pointless