To be upset with no bday present

[Thankyoubutnothankyou]

First of all I know I'm not being too unreasonable to be incredibly hurt.
I have two siblings, one older one younger. A few years ago the older one turned 40 and the younger one suggested we'd get them an expensive birthday gift. It was something theyd wanted for a long time, so we both chipped in, got it and even had it delivered.
Today is my 40th. All I got so far is a text message from the younger sibling. Nothing yet from the older. I don't think they've gotten me anything. WWYD? Wait til the end of the day and then say something or never mention it. I'm so disappointed I feel like crying.. Its not the gift or the money obviously but the disregard 😞

@Baggingarea no I don't think it's that. Both I and older brother turned 30 before him. Nothing was organised for anyone's 30th. It really was the first time anything had been organised when we bought that guitar to older brother.
Younger brother is 7 years younger than me and in my 20s I traveled the world always bringing him cool presents from the places I'd been to. So if there's ever been any present giving in this sibling group it's been me..

@Thankyoubutnothankyou how very weird and hurtful!

It honestly makes my piss boil when people take take take and never think of others. I had this for a landmark birthday when I received a beautiful gift with no sender details. Asked one friend who I always buy gifts for if it was her and she told me no but hers was in the post. Was it buggery! Never received anything not even a card. So awkward because you can never bring it up (although I guess you can with siblings!).

I’m sorry OP it all sounds a bit petty. Your older brother still got you a generous gift. It doesn’t need to be matched exactly the same as the one you got him. Sounds like you’re not a gift giving family really so I’m not sure why you expected more when you yourself admit you didn’t mark your younger brother’s 30th.

Urgh OP that’s shit of them, I’m sorry. Happy birthday from me

At least you know not to bother making an effort for them in future

@Dannydevitoiloveyourart yes it sounds petty when discussing it here. The matter is though that we got older brother something really nice and thoughtful for his 40th. They didn't organise anything for me. It hurts, but Im over it now.

OP, I think it’s fantastic that you raised it with both of them. Your younger brother’s response shows you he was using you to chip in for older brother’s present I think. I really wouldn’t bother with them cards/ presents wise anymore.

What happens at Christmas?

I guess it’s hard for me to gauge your family dynamics from just online posts- you know your family best. That said, I’m sorry you felt underwhelmed on your birthday - that really does suck when no thought is put in to making the day special by others.

OP, you need to reply to the laughing emojis and point out 40 is a bigger deal than 30 and that none of you did gifts before then. I thought your response to his 'how come' was great. Don't let him away with it: what a shame the other brother clearly has little imagination.

@MiniCooperLover thank you 😂 I'm really just going to leave it now. He knows now what I wanted him to know and I really do not want to argue. He's due to come and stay at ours for xmas so I don't want to build this up any more than it needs to.
At least he knows now there's no epic present coming his way for his 40th.

It seems that the joint gift was more because your younger brother had a good idea in mind for your older brother than anything to do with the older brother turning 40 particularly. Maybe when you turn 50 they will think of something particularly nice for you and chip in. It's clearly not the norm as you normally don't do gifts between each other. It just randomly happened on one occasion.

Also it seems that one occasion was driven by your younger brother who would have been early 30s at the time I guess and therefore early 20s the time before. I can understand why in his early 20s he didn't faff about a sibling's 30th birthday present. Funnily enough it seems neither you nor older brother bothered either...

So all in all it does seem a bit unfair and hypocritical for you to be annoyed really.

Think I’d be ‘forgetting’ xmas presents too, to be honest. . The actual incident may not be huge in the grand scheme of things but it does speak of the roles people play in families, and the unspoken expectations. It’d change my view of someone if they just laughed off my hurt feelings.

it does speak of the roles people play in families, and the unspoken expectations.

💯

Very disappointing.. Older brother popped over and gave me a £100 gift voucher for a retail chain that my dh works for and we get a generous staff discount already 🙄

Not a bad choice really, you get more than £100 worth of gift that way.

@Craftycorvid I know it does. I'm always the one who does the caring, although I've toned it down massively in recent years. Our mother died when younger brother was in his early 20s, so ive always mothered him a bit. Our father is useless and doesn't give a s**t so I've felt for him.

Was your younger brother's 30th after your older brother's 40th? I'm wondering if maybe he organised it as he knew his 30th was coming up and wanted to be spoiled with a special gift etc. so set the tone with the guitar, then when nothing special happened on his 30th thought "oh" and hasn't bothered with your 40th?

Sounds very petty.

@Figgyboa so it sounds petty to you? The OP is understandably hurt. What a helpful post from you.. eejit

@TwitchyLittleFerret no. E eryone was 30 before brothers 40th

£100 gift voucher is incredibly generous. My siblings and I spend about £15 on each other, although we’re younger (but they are all over 30 and my eldest brother is nearly 40). I understand it’s not “thoughtful” but I’d consider that brother exempt from your annoyance, tbh.

£100 is a lot of money.
Does your older brother not have a wife? I wondered if younger brother was worried a single 40 year old might not get a big gift so wanted to treat him. Then assumed your DH would be the one to treat you to something special?

Grasping at straws I know

I really wouldn’t want to see younger brother’s face at my Christmas dinner after his arsey texts. So he just gets to rock up to dinner as if nothing happened and no apology.

It's not about how generous they are; it's the lack of thought.

I'm sure OP would rather they spent £5 on something they know she'd love than £100 on something picked up on the way over.

@Lollyneenah older brother is married, two kids, wife, big house, good car, stable job, good income, two holidays a year kind of guy. No sob story there I'm afraid..

@sapnupuas You're right, I would have been happier with a jointly bought £10 bouquet of flowers and my favourite chocolate for example because it would've shown they'd stopped to think about it for a minute 🙄

I'm sorry op but I think you are being unreasonable and a bit of a spoilt brat giving out because you didn't get a big joint gift for your birthday, you got txts and 100 pound voucher be grateful you got anything, with all that is going on in the world atm be grateful you have your health and 2 brothers who sent a txt. A lot of people don't have that. Your 40 not 4.