To pull my lodger up about commenting on my food?

[Housewoes23]

I've recently moved into a house and I took on a lodger about 3 weeks later.
I knew him before we made this arrangement, acquaintance rather than friend but we get along okay.

Over the last 10 or so days, he has said(amongst others probably, I haven't documented but as far as I remember)

'Ugh making that disgusting smelly stuff again'

'I emptied the bin and it was fully of your smelly food!'

(When I was making hummus) 'Ugh!I hope the top doesn't come off that blender can you imagine that disgusting stuff going all over the kitchen!'

When I hadn't yet washed up (I'd only just finished making my dinner) and he came in the kitchen 'Eewww!! Disgusting saucy stuff all in the washing up bowl!' (I wasn't going to leave it, I just literally hadn't finished clearing up yet, it was seconds after I'd cooked).

Also, he has his own fridge but shares a freezer with me. He won't go in it because 'my disgusting food' is in there.

I got him his own fridge because he wouldnt share one with me-there was plenty of room for two people's foodstuffs in there, but he 'didn't want to touch my disgusting sauces and horrible food' (I'm paraphrasing but something like that).

For context,we're both single people aged 38 and 52.

I LOVE cooking. I love greek food and often make dips and crudites and use garlic and herbs and sauces.

He is a very plain eater (chicken and chips, ready made pies you'd shove in an oven, bread and cheese).

I haven't ever commented on his choice of eating habits, wouldn't even cross my mind.

Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

AIBU?
And also, would this irritate you?

Another context point is, I have a bit of an ED. 95% corrected now, but I've never particularly liked eating in front of people, although I was/am almost over it-this isn't helping so I wonder if I am being over-sensitive.

TIA :)

He didn't post this, she did. I would advise him to be kind but he's not here to tell.

Get rid- it's your house not his. I can't imagine ever being so rude to someone! Find a new lodger- maybe one that's into cooking or cuisines outside of 'beige and bland'

Wow that is so rude! YANBU in the slightest. Just because he doesn’t like it doesn’t mean he can make jibes like that constantly, or expect you to adjust what you do in your own house to meet his standards.

@CheetasOnFajitas

Yeah he sounds like a racist to me. You are too soft OP. Life is too short to be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home.

Racist???

OFGS

He just has extreme food/smell/sensory issues.

I can sympathise to a tiny degree because some foods bother me. But unlike the lodger I would either avoid where possible or just not say anything. But it's not xenophobic (which is what I think you meant to say)

However, I do think the OP should ask him to go and maybe think twice before getting anyone else in.

I'd be asking him to leave. That behaviour is unacceptable in your home.

So rude. I would get rid of.
It’s your place and he is rude.

I can see that someone might find different food smells unpleasant, ie if someone was cooking fish or curry every day, the house would stink of it. However the problem is HIS and he should be looking for another place, and should not be commenting on what you eat.

@Nanny0gg complaining that food associated with ethnic minorities is smelly and disgusting is about as racist as you can get. “Stinks of curry in here” I have heard with my own ears from a racist twat on a tube going through East London. And I stand by that even if OP is white British herself- he is signalling that it is disgusting for her to associate herself with foods he connects with ethnic minorities. If you don’t like the food, fine, you can dislike the food but respect those who eat it. By labelling it “disgusting” or “smelly” you are not being respectful.

There's too many red flags with this guy. He texted you from the other room instead of speaking to you like an adult? I agree there may be ASD at play and he just doesn't realise the offence he's caused. ED for sure. However, even if he's learnt to be more circumspect with his food related comments there's a fair chance something else will come up e.g how you use the bathroom.

Think about getting a new lodger with clear expectations agreed beforehand.

You need to get rid.If hes like this now, imagine what hes going to belike in a few months. Feet well under the table, you wont get him out.

I am with @CheetasOnFajitas as I pointed out before. There may be combination of issues but If you read an OP it's foreign foods. In combination of being bit of a dick with the comments. Because at that age anyone even if they are not NT would know not to make comments like this. The only people I know who are like this and loud about it were also the "everyone in spain speaks fucking spanish" and "all these foreigners here!".

I really think you need to ask him to move out, this isn't working. His needs are not compatible with yours and this is your home you have every right to feel comfortable and secure and having someone constantly making you feel bad for your reasonable choices is not acceptable.

The only time it’s acceptable to comment on someone else’s food is if you’re complimenting it. He sounds like an absolute dick.

He mentioned that he was struggling renting a 2 bed by himself and didn't have much money or any need for a whole house so he would lodge with me.

That was your first red flag.

You decide who you share your home with. That wasn't a decision for him to make.

He needs to go. Give him notice and get rid. He has no respect for you and has zero manners.

To be honest your cooking and eating habits would annoy the fuck out of me but if I was lodging in your house I would either put up or shut up. This is always the problem when people share a space, they have habits that annoy others. People may seem friendly but when you start to live with them.....

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I am with *@CheetasOnFajitas* as I pointed out before. There may be combination of issues but If you read an OP it's foreign foods. In combination of being bit of a dick with the comments. Because at that age anyone even if they are not NT would know not to make comments like this. The only people I know who are like this and loud about it were also the "everyone in spain speaks fucking spanish" and "all these foreigners here!".

But is coleslaw 'forrin' food? He doesn't like that. I think he's just one of those that eats plain, beige food and limited veg.

@inappropriateraspberry it’s possible to be a racist and not like coleslaw.

[quote CheetasOnFajitas]@inappropriateraspberry it’s possible to be a racist and not like coleslaw.[/quote]
😆 it's a big leap from not liking strongly flavoured food to being a racist!

But is coleslaw 'forrin' food? He doesn't like that. I think he's just one of those that eats plain, beige food and limited veg.
I've seen people comment on basil in that way. Anything can be cinsidered "forrin" if you are a dickhead enough. It's fine to eat just plain biege diet. Absolutely. A personal choice. It's not fine to comment like this on other's.

OP I am another one wondering if there are social and sensory issues going on. It is often really useful to be very direct if that is the situation. “You are making me feel uncomfortable in my own home/kitchen when you comment on what I am eating”. “It is unsustainable for me to be feeling uncomfortable in my own home. I am asking you directly and clearly not to comment on my food again”.

See how that goes down but I’d be a one warning person. If he did it again I would ask him to leave. If he dismissed, deflected, minimised your discomfort personally I’d ask him to leave too because I would consider that a red flag with regards to him not being willing or possibly able to consider your feelings.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

But is coleslaw 'forrin' food? He doesn't like that. I think he's just one of those that eats plain, beige food and limited veg. I've seen people comment on basil in that way. Anything can be cinsidered "forrin" if you are a dickhead enough. It's fine to eat just plain biege diet. Absolutely. A personal choice. It's not fine to comment like this on other's.

HP Sauce and Ketchup? The OP also says that his parents eating HP and ketchup made him feel sick. I can't think of anything less forrin.

[quote CheetasOnFajitas]@inappropriateraspberry it’s possible to be a racist and not like coleslaw.[/quote]
Add to it ketchup and brown sauce.

The childish and deregatory comment style, the not knowing basic ingredients and the rudeness about it all is just typical "I wouldn't eat that. It's forrin" type.

Ketchup was originally a fish sauce from SE Asia. Not sure of the origins of brown sauce but it's surprising how often something 'forrin' becomes adopted as English.

I've only got a few mins so will reply to everything later but, we did once have an interesting (!) Conversation with one another about 'forrin' food.

I very seldom buy takeaways. On the odd time over last few years I have it has been if friends have been around and stayed later unexpectedly and have suggested it, or if I've been at a friends house and same, etc. I'd never do it usually because obviously I like to cook. Anyway he once mentioned to me that he never gets takeaways either. And I happened to know that he got fried chicken and chips from a KFC type place (not kfc but similar) local to him once a week.
'I never get takeaways either!'
'Dont you get your fried chicken quite often? That's a takeaway.
'It isnt a takeaway because I collect it. Takeaway is delivery'
'Well,no, a takeaway whether delivered or not, is food prepared somewhere ready to eat, but taken to be eaten somewhere else?'
'Well no, takeaway is foreign food like curry or Chinese'
'Fried chicken is american?'

(I dont remember more of the conversation after that. I'm not sure about if he is racist).

I'd be making my most elaborate and strongest smelling curry- fish maybe-and scatter garlic about as if he were Dracula.