To be upset about inheritance U turn

[TeaAndBrie]

My sister had always seen by great uncle. She used to go for lunch with him and my grandad. Even as a child I never received a birthday card or anything from great uncle. No idea why.
For years my sister had said that she was in the will and that as she knew we would not inherit anything from my parents that she would give me 50% of what she received. A few years ago she had said she spoke with her husband about it and that she would give me 20% instead because they have 3 children now. Fair enough.
Great uncle died a month ago and the will has just be read.
She’s now said that she was never serious about giving me any money and that she will ‘treat me’ to a meal out.
I’ve told her I’m not interested and really upset that she lied to me for all those years.
She said she will treat my twin boys as well.
I’ve told her to keep her money. Apparently I’m being dramatic. Aibu to be genuinely hurt that she lied for so long?

Inherited from a relative*

I just don’t understand why your sister repeatedly offered you a gift and now isn’t giving you a penny.

She doesn’t need to give you 20%, but a few thousand would be a lovely gesture....after harping on about her future generosity for years!

It’s just weird behavior, IMO, as if she enjoyed talking about being generous, but not actually wanting to be IRL. Similar to saying you support X charity or are so concerned about poverty/homelessness, etc. and then never doing a thing about it ( when you can afford to).

YANBU OP. Your sister should have at least compromised and left you 10% or something.

I would also in your situation personally go NC.

@sneakysnoopysniper

Something similar happened in my family. My mother was kicked out of the family for marrying beneath her and unlike Downton Abbey was never welcomed back. However I loved my grandmother and she took to me as she never did to my sister. I used to visit her several times a week and continued to do so until she died in the 1970s.

She left me and my two cousins money in her will and her house to be sold and divided between two of my aunts (but not my mother). In effect my mother and sister were ignored in the will. She left the entire contents of her house to me and when sold it worked out at almost the value of the house.

My mother and sister were quite angry and bitter about the will and the aunts were miffed that after selling some of the furniture at Christies I did so well on the contents. I kept some small pieces to remember my grandmother by but most was far too large for my flat. I had to work hard to arrange a house clearance and to sell all the antiques I had inherited. In doing so I learned a lot about the antiques trade and later set up my own business. I used the money I made to get onto the property ladder.

My family did not appreciate that it was upto my gran to leave her property to whom she wished. She had all her faculties right up to the end and knew what she was doing. I did not feel obliged to give my sister or parents any of my inheritance because they had not bothered with my grandmother when she was alive.

Sorry? Why would your mother bother with your grandmother after she kicked her out for marrying beneath her? You sound utterly delightful.

People are horrible when it comes to money. My DM is one of 5, 2 of the DC were cut out of the will at the last minute. My DM was one of the siblings cut out of the will her and DB had 5 children between them we were all also cut from the will. 3 siblings and their 4 children inherited instead. I was a young child when this happened, I know it was a large sum of money I was disinherited from, what sort of person does that to their GC? Let alone their own DC? It left me feeling confused and worthless tbh.

This is hard. He wanted her to have the money and not yiu. It's very strange he made the effort to have a relationship with her and not yiu. Did you make any effort with him? Is there a big age difference between you?

Presonally though I would never be firstly thinking about my inheritance like this. But anyway if I had I wouldn't have said something for years and do something different. But in general I try very hard to do the things I said I would. I fucking hate flakey and dishonest people.

Given it is such a large amount I thi k it's quite selfish to not share. But then I'm really close to my sister and if I got 400k I'd want to help her have a nicer life. But then that much money would buy a nice house outright where I live and leave 100k or so left over.

What is yiur relationship normally like with her? It doesn't strike me ask the sort of thing somone who cares about somone would do. Why say it in the first place?

Well it wasn't really serious because she didn't know how much she'd inherit, what her financial situation would be or how she'd actually feel.
She had wanted to but when it came to it, she chose to prioritise her children over her adult sister. I would find it strange if she did give you money, you're her sister you're not her responsibility.

The fact is that Op’s sister promised to help her out financially, but has now reneged on that promise. It is the breach of trust that is the main issue.
I would be devastated if my dsis did something like that.
I was left £50,000 by a distant aunt some years ago. I gave my two siblings 5k each , gave 5k to dh, kept 5k for myself and put the remaining money in savings for my dc.

In a case like this I’d start questioning my own paternity.
Was it a great uncle on your father’s side, OP?

@TeaAndBrie is it actually about the fact your sister has behaved really unpleasantly? Is she normally such a cow? Do you feel like she betrayed you? Or she values money over her word? None of her actions would make me think she was a nice person and that's a hard thing to see in a loved one. But is this a new revalatiin about her to you? Or dis you know she was like this?

Could the uncle have said to her in his last days that he did not want her to give any of the money away?

Basically it comes down to it’s her money, he wanted her to have it not you. She doesn’t owe you anything and is perfectly entitled to not give you anything. What she informally promised and how a sister should act etc is irrelevant really.

She made a promise and then she fucked you over. For money.

I wouldnt call her family after that.

So, your sister doesn't want to give you 20% anymore, let alone 50%. Her promises were foolish and should never have been taken too seriously. Also, she had a relationship with the g-uncle, you didn't. Do you need 'looking after'?

What colours all this is the huge amount she's inherited. She can afford to be generous and kind. If she'd won the lottery to the same value would she gift you some of it? What would you consider fair?

I mean depending on where you live 400k wouldn’t even get a 3bed house outright.

Still an amazing sum however but again if I had the choice between no mortgage and a big enough house for my children and never having to worry again about a roof over our heads or giving my sibling 20% plus I’d buy my house. I can help my sibling in an emergency with what I was saving in rent/mortgage.

If I won’t be lottery (a big win) none of my family would ever have to worry about money again. If I had made a promise like this I’d keep it.

Some people are bad sisters, aren’t they?

She didn’t change her mind until after he had died and she saw the will
So most likely there is something in the will prohibiting her from sharing it with you. After all if he cared for you to have some of it, he would have left something for you. He didn't. His money.

Nothing she can do if it stipulates she can't share it. You need to accept that she is honoring his wishes.

Just saw that didn’t make sense: won the lottery!

Nothing she can do if it stipulates she can't share it.

Is this true?

Id be annoyed. Similar situation when grandparent died, they had left significantly less to one of three children - no real reason. It was agreed among the two siblings who were getting more that they would split money three ways. Day the will was read one sibling changed their mind and followed the will - caused so much bad feeling and it was for an amount of under 10k. Other sibling gave the sibling who was getting less money so they received the same. Money is awful. Family still dont talk years later as two siblings cant forgive the third.

@flaviaritt

Nothing she can do if it stipulates she can't share it.

Is this true?

If the will stipulates that X gets £400k as long as they do not share it or else they forfeit it then I guess so.

If the will stipulates that X gets £400k as long as they do not share it or else they forfeit it then I guess so.

I’m asking if that is the law. I can’t see how that can be enforced. It would mean the OP could never give her sister £20 again.

If the will stipulated eg no sharing then surely the sister would have said so!

I'm pretty sure if it had said in the will she wasn't allowed to share it the sister would have said that. After all it gives her an excuse and makes her look less bad for not sharing it when she'd said she would

Or the other way round. Not that that’s likely to be a problem seeing as she is clearly a massive tightarse.