To not invite my DDs friends.

[Julz1622]

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

Glummy Mcglummerson.

“You’re a bit dim”

Yeah. They said that when they gave me my phd.

Oh no...no they didn’t.

But thanks for your insight, honestly. Really valuable feedback. 😂

@flaviaritt

Hmm even though you can't give any examples of how you help your neighbour's kids at Christmas time?

I’m not going to boast about my efforts to help people. It’s not really me. What I will say is that I believe rubbing your good fortune (ability to pay for something like this) in the faces of tiny people who aren’t as fortunate on Christmas Eve is crass and selfish, and no, I don’t think “so what if people are selfish”. Being selfish (to this degree) is bad.

No it isn't!!!! OP, or anyone else who hires a Santa, is not rubbing it in anyone's face. They're not just letting them have a slice for free of what she's bought for her family. The neighbours are more than welcome to hire the Santa themselves, or did you forget that part? CFers are more often than not in a position to be able do this but when they can score a freebie they'd rather not pay. Why are you assuming her neighbour's can't afford it? Do you actually think she lives next door to tiny Tim? And you're so humble about your non-existent helping of your neighbour's 😂

They're not just letting them have a slice for free of what she's bought for her family.

And this is exactly how nice kind people think. Not.

Are you drunk @Incrediblytired? Go back to bed!

Do you actually think she lives next door to tiny Tim?

I don’t know. I know she lives near a woman who smokes a lot of weed. Maybe that child is struggling. Maybe people near them don’t have a lot of money. It doesn’t sound like Ladbroke Grove, does it?

@flaviaritt

They're not just letting them have a slice for free of what she's bought for her family.

And this is exactly how nice kind people think. Not.

How many times do we see on AIBU about someone who has let a CF take the piss - wether it be getting lifts everywhere and getting no petrol money, asking them to stay in their holiday homes for free, not giving money lent back, using U.K. their time etc. And the OP can't say no. Probably because they were raised by someone who told them to share everything, be charitable with everything they own and do, and have basically turned them into a massive doormat in the name of "being nice".

The OP's neighbour can book their own Santa experience - which, in the spirit of Christmas, if they do the OP needs to cancel hers and crash her neighbour's of course! Less they be tight arses, it is the spirit of Christmas after all

@flaviaritt

Do you actually think she lives next door to tiny Tim?

I don’t know. I know she lives near a woman who smokes a lot of weed. Maybe that child is struggling. Maybe people near them don’t have a lot of money. It doesn’t sound like Ladbroke Grove, does it?

And bingo, there's the classism right there which I expect is the root cause of your angst, because no one is buying this faux "I'm just such a nice person".

Being nice is being a doormat. Sharing is having no boundaries. Thinking of others is being a martyr.

Who did this to you?!

One could say the neighbour should maybe forego her weed smoking for a few days and pay for a Santa experience instead, no? How is it the OP's responsibility to make someone else's kid feel good?

And bingo, there's the classism right there which I expect is the root cause of your angst, because no one is buying this faux "I'm just such a nice person".

I grew up in a council house full of booze and drugs. I understand poverty. That doesn’t make me a snob. What it does do is make sure I don’t rub my blessings in the faces of small children who go without. Sue me.

How is it the OP's responsibility to make someone else's kid feel good?

It isn’t. It is the decent, kind thing to do.

@flaviaritt

Being nice is being a doormat. Sharing is having no boundaries. Thinking of others is being a martyr.

Who did this to you?!

My mother 😂😂

And telling people they have to share their experiences that they've paid good money for, despite other people easily being able to afford it themselves (if she can afford weed she can afford Santa) is absolutely 100% creating a doormat.

Why won't you address the fact that the neighbours can book the experience themselves?

There is a balance. No, other children can't come to her flat for a direct 'experience' with Santa. But, they are welcome to watch from their doors or outside the block of flats and see them go in. You can't stop people seeing Santa in the street etc, but there is no reason to invite people into your home for the whole thing.

Thinking Santa hasn’t come to you and you must be on the naughty list is not comparable to a neighbour having a new bike.

It is the decent, kind thing to do

But you've said she should - you've said she's obliged.

Yeah it might be both nice and doormaty to share the experience, but that doesn't mean not sharing it is unkind

Why won't you address the fact that the neighbours can book the experience themselves?

Because maybe they can’t. And on Christmas Eve it will be too late to book it. Duh.

@flaviaritt

And bingo, there's the classism right there which I expect is the root cause of your angst, because no one is buying this faux "I'm just such a nice person".

I grew up in a council house full of booze and drugs. I understand poverty. That doesn’t make me a snob. What it does do is make sure I don’t rub my blessings in the faces of small children who go without. Sue me.

The snobbiest people I know grew up like this 🤷‍♀️

Yeah it might be both nice and doormaty to share the experience, but that doesn't mean not sharing it is unkind

“Why should someone share something they have paid for with little kids at Christmas?” Hmm. No, that doesn’t sound unkind at all.

You absolute grinch.

@flaviaritt

Why won't you address the fact that the neighbours can book the experience themselves?

Because maybe they can’t. And on Christmas Eve it will be too late to book it. Duh.

But they can book it now. Duh. They know about it. Or is OP obliged to share it with the whole block?

Maybe they can. Don't you think being a regular weed smoker means you have the money to spend £50 on your lids (I'm told it's not as cheap as it used to be)

*kids

The snobbiest people I know grew up like this 🤷‍♀️

It doesn’t surprise me that your mates are not very nice.

@flaviaritt

Yeah it might be both nice and doormaty to share the experience, but that doesn't mean not sharing it is unkind

“Why should someone share something they have paid for with little kids at Christmas?” Hmm. No, that doesn’t sound unkind at all.

You absolute grinch.

Hahahahaha. Yea I'm a grinch because I wouldn't share my paid for family experiences with the neighbours 😂 you are behind deluded if you think it's anything other than a piss take.

The neighbours can book Santa themselves. Not really sure why you're assuming they can't afford it.

@flaviaritt

The snobbiest people I know grew up like this 🤷‍♀️

It doesn’t surprise me that your mates are not very nice.

Here's a mad fact that might shock you - not all people I know are my friends 🤯😱😱😱😱🤯😱

"Why should someone share something they have paid for with little kids at Christmas?” Hmm. No, that doesn’t sound unkind at all

It's really, really, really not unkind to not share stuff you've paid for for your family, with others.

If you don't make you and your kids share all their toys and possessions with less fortunate people then you are a tremendous hypocrite.

What about people (again, like me) who have their kids visit the open Santa's where other kids can see. Should I be paying for the children of passers by less I be unkind?

GlummyMcGlummerson
What's interesting is that it's the OP who should invite everyone or cancel her children's christmas treat.

Nobody is saying that the cheeky parent's brother should invite his nieces/nephews to his spiderman treat, you know with them being family. Nobody is saying he is a terrible uncle for not having his family round for the christmas character visit. It's always women who are told to have their boundaries ignored, put up with cheeky fuckery and be nice (aka smile nicely and be a doormat).