To not invite my DDs friends.

[Julz1622]

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

Ok, what are you doing to make your neighbour's children's Christmas lovely? Because it would be very hOrRIblE if you didn't

It’s more what I am not doing, isn’t it? I’m not putting my child in the hall to open her presents. I’m not inviting Father Christmas to stand in a communal space but excluding the other kids. I’m not eating my Christmas dinner in sight of people who have no food.

This is obvious stuff.

The OP lives in a block of flats, so yes, if they are standing outside her home, it’s in a communal space.

Then on that technicality any way this is done is a communal space - unless someone lives on their own in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours

Yes. If you live in a row of terraces and you invite Father Christmas, Elsa and Anna to stand in the street and entertain your children, and you don’t expect other children in neighbouring houses to see and be interested in that, you’re being unreasonable.

Erm, hang on a minute - that's NOT what this thread is about. OP doesn't "expect them not to see and be interested" she expects them not to be invited over to her family experience. Which is the very thing you've moaned on about for 100 posts. Why are you making out she doesn't expect anyone to see Santa? She's never said that.

It is obviously different if they quickly arrive and go inside, or they arrive and go into a private garden. That isn’t rubbing other kids’ noses in it.

You what?! That's worse! Kids will probably sit thinking "oh he's coming in my house next" and then watch him leave and get in his car.

It's very odd how you have a very specific set of criteria is in what constitutes being a horrible person/mean neighbour, and the only circumstances in the whole entire possibility of things that could happen in the world in which you think this is exactly what the OP is doing. Apparently if one tiny thing changed, it's acceptable and OP goes back to being a nice neighbour. Bit odd don't you think?

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

But here it sounds like she’s making her kids Christmas lovely to the detriment of others...

So what - someone buying their kid a bike and taking them out on Christmas could be seen as doing the same if the neighbours are living in poverty and could only afford to spend a fiver on their kids.

We simply have no idea what is detrimental to our neighbours and cancelling things just in case they are is a ludicrous way to live

As much as it goes against the grain to agree with someone whose username winds me up because it's similar to mine and I've rolled my eyes at their posts on countless threads, I do agree with FlaviaRitt here a bit.

Based on the layout of the OP's building, they're going to be standing in a common corridor which makes it unlikely other children won't notice it during the day and the idea that Santa will visit children in person if their parents pay for it while the most other children can do is look wistfully on is a bit distasteful to me.

I wouldn't have organised it myself but I can see why OP wanted to do something lovely for her DD. I think that if there was a friend or family member with a garden they could borrow, the best thing to do would be switch location to.

Then on that technicality any way this is done is a communal space - unless someone lives on their own in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours

No. We have a garden. We have a house that faces a local business. No kids either side. If we did this nobody would care.

OP doesn't "expect them not to see and be interested" she expects them not to be invited over to her family experience.

God, you’re awkward. 😂 Obviously I mean “see, be interested, want to come and join in and have to be told they can’t.” I thought that was clear by now.

You what?! That's worse! Kids will probably sit thinking "oh he's coming in my house next" and then watch him leave and get in his car.

It’s not worse. I still wouldn’t do it on a Christmas Eve, but it is definitely not worse than having this palaver going on in a communal area and expecting other children not to get upset. I am not going to defend this position to you again because we obviously just disagree. Let’s leave it at that.

I can see both sides of this. The problem for me is that it’s not a private thing, it’s a public thing, it’s Christmas Eve, kids have had a shit year and they really really believe in the magic of Father Christmas and that he’s real.

So if the children aged 2/3/4 years old see actual Father Christmas on Christmas Eve when their excitement levels are at an all time high - they are going to be so excited and desperate to come and say hi. If Father Christmas ignores them, those very little children are going to cry their eyes out and that a bit shitty. Or their parents have to break the magic by telling them he’s pretend or only there to see the chosen children. I’m not being precious but they are only little for so long that it’s just a bit crap for something so public to upset them.

Elsa and Anna can easily be explained away, can you just have them? And then you can tell people that because of covid rules you can’t have loads of kids to the booking?

I do see the point that if you’ve paid £50 then you would want your children to enjoy it or perhaps invite a couple of their friends to share in it. I’d say your friend might have thought you were inviting her children but it sounds like she’s inviting the whole block...

I guess all I’m saying, it try to put yourself in others shoes and embrace the spirit of Christmas - not just the commercialism

@flaviaritt

Ok, what are you doing to make your neighbour's children's Christmas lovely? Because it would be very hOrRIblE if you didn't

It’s more what I am not doing, isn’t it? I’m not putting my child in the hall to open her presents. I’m not inviting Father Christmas to stand in a communal space but excluding the other kids. I’m not eating my Christmas dinner in sight of people who have no food.

This is obvious stuff.

You have no idea if any of your actions will upset your neighbours. If your kids wanted to show their presents off to the neighbours would you stop them? Would you prevent taking them for a bike ride if they got a new bike?

Here's a crazy thought - people should do what makes their own children happy and not assume about other people's kids.

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack

😂

Your user name is great. I may have subconsciously copied it.

@flaviaritt

Sorry but what the neighbours tell their children is really not my responsibility.

The spirit of Christmas for all to see.

Stop being stupid! Being taken advantage of and treated like a mug is not in the spirit of Xmas. OP has paid for a service which this CF neighbour knows all about. They should have booked it for their own DC. Rude and entitled people behave like this.

Being taken advantage of and treated like a mug is not in the spirit of Xmas.

I don’t think you know anything about the spirit of Christmas (from this).

No. We have a garden. We have a house that faces a local business. No kids either side. If we did this nobody would care

Ah well it would be different for you - what if kids were passing by?

God, you’re awkward. 😂 Obviously I mean “see, be interested, want to come and join in and have to be told they can’t.” I thought that was clear by now

I'm not awkward 😂😂😂😂😂 and that's a load of BS, you have tried to make out that OP doesn't expect anyone to see or be interested in a Santa visit - your words not mine

It’s not worse. I still wouldn’t do it on a Christmas Eve, but it is definitely not worse than having this palaver going on in a communal area and expecting other children not to get upset. I am not going to defend this position to you again because we obviously just disagree. Let’s leave it at that.

It's definitely worse. If your kid saw Santa going into someone elses house you think they'd be fine with him not coming to yours - but apparently him just standing on a neighbours doorstep would ruin their Christmas? What utter tosh.

No I won't leave it at that, don't tell me what to do. I'm calling you out on your total nonsense because now I mostly think (despite the earlier flounce) you're sticking around to save face but your are just spouting more crap by the minute and trying to make the OP feel responsible for her neighbour's kids feelings.

Ah well it would be different for you - what if kids were passing by?

Good point. I probably wouldn’t invite Father Christmas to my house on Christmas Eve, then. It’s a basically selfish thing to do.

And you can “call me out” all you like. I think you are wrong and I don’t mind saying so. But this has become repetitive and I choose not to reply to you any further.

“Being taken advantage of and treated like a mug”

This is so dramatic!

I took my kid out to look at the neighbours fireworks. I didn’t pay for them or offer her money. Nor did she invite me. Was I taking advantage or treating her like a mug? No.

Sharing is nice. Kids learn generosity from parents.

Yes @Mcnotty you don't understand the spIrIt oF ChRIStmAs, I've seen you around on your grinch costume stealing presents and spitting in children's faces.

Incrediblytired

How dare you look at your neighbour’s fireworks, you absolute grifter. 😂

Good point. I probably wouldn’t invite Father Christmas to my house on Christmas Eve, then. It’s a basically selfish thing to do.

It really, really isn't. No more selfish than me who takes my kids to an "open" Santa in the shopping centre where other kids can watch them talk to him a get a present.

And do you know what even if it was selfish, so what - maybe OP's 8yo has ha s a shit hear being off school from her friends with them all cooped up with a new baby. Everyone's had a stressful year, if this is how OP wants to make her kids feel good then she should, and other people can make their own kids feel good - including by hiring the very same Santa if that's what they want to do.

@Incrediblytired

“Being taken advantage of and treated like a mug”

This is so dramatic!

I took my kid out to look at the neighbours fireworks. I didn’t pay for them or offer her money. Nor did she invite me. Was I taking advantage or treating her like a mug? No.

Sharing is nice. Kids learn generosity from parents.

That's not the same - the same would be if your neighbour hired an entertainer as part of her magic show and you expect your neighbour to take her in to watch it

*firework show (no idea where magic show came from)

Won't it be worse for kids to watch Santa dole out presents and then not get any themselves?!

Your neighbours are cheeky fuckers, you were a bit daft to tell them also!

I wouldn't dream of crashing someone else's Santa experience.

In no way does you not wanting to share the experience make you tight btw.

And do you know what even if it was selfish, so what

That’s probably the basic difference between us.

@Incrediblytired

“Being taken advantage of and treated like a mug”

This is so dramatic!

I took my kid out to look at the neighbours fireworks. I didn’t pay for them or offer her money. Nor did she invite me. Was I taking advantage or treating her like a mug? No.

Sharing is nice. Kids learn generosity from parents.

You clearly struggle a bit. I’m sure on Xmas day you invite all the neighbours kids in to share your dc’s presents as well, because anything less would not be in the spirit of Christmas.

@flaviaritt

And do you know what even if it was selfish, so what

That’s probably the basic difference between us.

Hmm even though you can't give any examples of how you help your neighbour's kids at Christmas time? In fact you readily shun neighbours who don't include you in their family experiences. I suspect that's the difference between me and you

McNotty

“You clearly struggle a bit”

Actually had me in creases. Not at all darling. Not at all. I’m just not a cunt.

@Incrediblytired

McNotty

“You clearly struggle a bit”

Actually had me in creases. Not at all darling. Not at all. I’m just not a cunt.

I don't think she was implying you're a cunt I think she was implying you were being a bit dim

Hmm even though you can't give any examples of how you help your neighbour's kids at Christmas time?

I’m not going to boast about my efforts to help people. It’s not really me. What I will say is that I believe rubbing your good fortune (ability to pay for something like this) in the faces of tiny people who aren’t as fortunate on Christmas Eve is crass and selfish, and no, I don’t think “so what if people are selfish”. Being selfish (to this degree) is bad.