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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my DDs friends.

662 replies

Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 11:29

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 00:21

@Ohtherewearethen

flaviaritt

slashlover

Freeze!

Cringe

:-)

The op will be impervious to that.

Mind you, being frozen probably does make you impervious to most things!

At the end of the day, I hope everyone has a good time and that it was worth the effort.

Original poster
Julz1622 · 22/11/2020 00:22

Like I've said many times she brought it up, if I hadn't mentioned it.then she saw them it would have been weird. And it's during the day so I doubt the kids will be asleep

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 00:23

Let's hope it's cold and frosty and nobody else will be out.

Original poster
Julz1622 · 22/11/2020 00:24

My daughter definitely doesn't think frozen is babyish and I'm so glad of it. Laughing at a child for liking Disney princesses at the age of EIGHT is horrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Julz1622 · 22/11/2020 00:27

No, I haven't asked her as it's a surprise, and give me enough credit that I know my own bloody daughter!! If I didn't think she would absolutely love it I wouldn't have formed it £50 FFS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Julz1622 · 22/11/2020 00:28

Forked out*

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 00:30

@Julz1622

No, I haven't asked her as it's a surprise, and give me enough credit that I know my own bloody daughter!! If I didn't think she would absolutely love it I wouldn't have formed it £50 FFS.
All right.

I hope you get your money's worth.

Good luck to you.

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 22/11/2020 01:05

@Julz1622 OP i would bring it up with her and just say "ive spoken to them and they cant see more than the 2 kids. covid. but heres there number". That way when they arrive on christmas eve theres a chance she wont send them over. as it stands (in her mind) shes already arranged with you to send her DC over, so wont think anything of it. At least if she knows she would be ruining your DCs visit (by them potentially leaving) she may think twice.

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 07:24

During the day? This is going to cause so much angst.

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 07:28

No, they'd feel pressured and they'd give in.

That doesn’t make sense. If they avoided the place they wouldn’t be pressured.

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 07:31

You think children don't understand that the giant Santa's grotto, with elves and signs and Christmas music and children queuing to see santa is indeed Santa's grotto?

I think they can be more easily gulled if it’s covered up. And as you say, I don’t think saying no to a child at a garden centre is the same as Father Christmas turning up in their block of flats and not being allowed to see him.

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 07:32

Nobody is coming down the street with bells ringing, you're just making stuff up now.

I am picturing what this might look like. I think others would do well to do the same.

ChalkDinosaur · 22/11/2020 07:40

Yanbu. It's totally up to you who's invited, or not. We don't all share Xmas dinner, our Xmas presents, days out with all the neighbours' kids and this is in the same vein.

Yesterday I saw a thread where someone was going to offer to PAY a neighbour to use their WiFi for a week and they were a CF for even asking Hmm On this thread it's apparently perfectly reasonable for neighbours to gatecrash a special Christmas treat that your neighbour has bought for their kids.

It's a good job OPs generally don't actually want advice from aibu, they'd come away very confused!

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 07:58

We don't all share Xmas dinner, our Xmas presents, days out with all the neighbours' kids and this is in the same vein.

But it’s not, is it? This is more like opening your Christmas presents in a communal hallway, knowing some kids who might be watching don’t have any.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 22/11/2020 08:07

You are getting a ridiculously hard time here OP.

Go back to the woman. Say ‘look, I don’t really want this to be a big thing with lots of kids because it isn’t practical. They only talk to the kids in the doorstep so there isn’t room for more. They observe COVID distancing. Plus I don’t want everyone in the block talking about it and bringing their kids because the surprise will get out. So can we drop it please?”

It will be chaos if a load of other kids and mums are congregated outside your door.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/11/2020 08:20

@flaviaritt

We don't all share Xmas dinner, our Xmas presents, days out with all the neighbours' kids and this is in the same vein.

But it’s not, is it? This is more like opening your Christmas presents in a communal hallway, knowing some kids who might be watching don’t have any.

It is nothing like that, because the OP doesn't live in a communal hallway with other children, the characters are coming to her home - let's face it the chances are the kids won't even see him unless they're looking out their windows when he walks past.
flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 08:22

It is nothing like that, because the OP doesn't live in a communal hallway with other children, the characters are coming to her home

No they’re not. They’re going to be outside her home.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/11/2020 08:23

@flaviaritt

During the day? This is going to cause so much angst.
For who?

This is really not the OP's problem anyway. She's not responsible for her neighbour's kids having a lovely Christmas.

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 08:26

This is really not the OP's problem anyway. She's not responsible for her neighbour's kids having a lovely Christmas.

I can see that you think that. I think it’s a horrible stance.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/11/2020 08:27

@flaviaritt

It is nothing like that, because the OP doesn't live in a communal hallway with other children, the characters are coming to her home

No they’re not. They’re going to be outside her home.

Yes, her home, not a communal hall!!

Thinking about it, where I live there's young kids in the surrounding 5 houses, houses are fairly close together and we all have huge bay windows in living rooms so we all naturally see each other's comings and going's.

Would it be the same for me to hire a Santa experience knowing that my neighbours kids will most likely see? In fact they'd more likely see who's at my door than they would if we lived in flats with all windows facing the same way, and the only chance you'd glimpse a look at Santa is if you were looking out the window for the ba second he passed it.

Maybe OP lives on the ground floor on the first flat so no one will see Santa anyway

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/11/2020 08:27

Won’t your DD wonder why Santa is only going to her and not her friends? It does seem a bit wean to local kids if there is a big fanfare for his arrival. This is different from Charity Santa where any local child can join in.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/11/2020 08:28

@flaviaritt

This is really not the OP's problem anyway. She's not responsible for her neighbour's kids having a lovely Christmas.

I can see that you think that. I think it’s a horrible stance.

Ok, what are you doing to make your neighbour's children's Christmas lovely? Because it would be very hOrRIblE if you didn't
flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 08:30

Yes, her home, not a communal hall!!

The OP lives in a block of flats, so yes, if they are standing outside her home, it’s in a communal space.

Would it be the same for me to hire a Santa experience knowing that my neighbours kids will most likely see?

Yes. If you live in a row of terraces and you invite Father Christmas, Elsa and Anna to stand in the street and entertain your children, and you don’t expect other children in neighbouring houses to see and be interested in that, you’re being unreasonable.

It is obviously different if they quickly arrive and go inside, or they arrive and go into a private garden. That isn’t rubbing other kids’ noses in it.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/11/2020 08:31

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

Won’t your DD wonder why Santa is only going to her and not her friends? It does seem a bit wean to local kids if there is a big fanfare for his arrival. This is different from Charity Santa where any local child can join in.
Unless someone said "he's only visiting you", she wouldn't know. I imagine they handle it the same way they do when they tell their mates they went to Santa's grotto at the weekend, and their mates didn't. 8yo children are not anxious hand wringing MNers who lose sleep over ridiculous things, they probably give it very little thought.
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/11/2020 08:31

But here it sounds like she’s making her kids Christmas lovely to the detriment of others...