To not invite my DDs friends.

[Julz1622]

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

@LMW1990

Missing the point entirely... where do you hire these Santas from?!

I think mascot companies do it. The ones who send Spider-Man and Elsa to parties and scare the living daylights out of my children

OP I'd tell your neighbours that if their children want santa to stop by and see their children heres the number and it's £50. Tell them your booking is only for your children and they are only able to see one household at a time. Job done and YANBU.

I think you’d be hard pushed to find many parents who think their child should have every last thing they want.

Are you new to MN?!

the socially distanced thing is a bit of a lame argument, given that small children are less likely to spread the virus and are probably all at school/nursery etc together.
But if OP has paid for an experience, that doesn't mean it has to be a free for all for the entire block. If she orders a take away she isn't expected to share that surely?

If other parents are that keen, OP can share the website/phone number for them to book it for their own children.

I also wouldn’t want to think of my actions causing other people’s kids to miss out

Other people's children will not be missing out on anything. The visit has not been booked for them. It is nothing to do with them, meaning there is nothing for them to miss.

There is, of course, the possibility they could have their own visit. That would be their own mother's choice. She could choose to spend her money on a visit if that is what her children would want or she can choose to spend her spare money elsewhere. That is her own business.

What is out of order though is simply telling someone that the DC will be joining in. That is cheeky fuckery, plain and simple.

Julz, I asked you what your daughter thought about it all but you didn't reply.

An eight year old usually has an idea about what they would like for Christmas. Maybe she would prefer the money to go towards something else. Let's face it, a visit from three people dressed up in costumes isn't going to last very long.

I would definitely ask her opinion before taking it any further.

the socially distanced thing is a bit of a lame argument, given that small children are less likely to spread the virus and are probably all at school/nursery etc together

What about Santa, Anna and Elsa though? Have you considered that they may wish to limit their own exposure? Then there's all this 'rule of six' stuff to consider - if there are governmental guidelines in place at the time of the visit, they will need to be adhered to.

@jessstan1 I think the OP knows her DD pretty well. And no you didn't just "ask what your daughter thought about it", you made a snotty remark implying it was embarrassing and would insult the intelligence of an 8yo. Are you really surprised she hasn't replied to you?

@jessstan1

Julz, I asked you what your daughter thought about it all but you didn't reply.

An eight year old usually has an idea about what they would like for Christmas. Maybe she would prefer the money to go towards something else. Let's face it, a visit from three people dressed up in costumes isn't going to last very long.

I would definitely ask her opinion before taking it any further.

I knew exactly when my DD had outgrown Frozen.

I expect the OP will, too! And will probably have more of an idea about it than an internet randomer.

This “ I will give to all children” schtick is like the lunatic virtue signallers who insist that if they were in similar positions to various ops who are dealing with weird aggressive random strangers that they themselves would invite the stranger in for counselling/make them baked goods/hand over their house.

Yeah right 😁

@MsTSwift

This “ I will give to all children” schtick is like the lunatic virtue signallers who insist that if they were in similar positions to various ops who are dealing with weird aggressive random strangers that they themselves would invite the stranger in for counselling/make them baked goods/hand over their house.

Yeah right 😁

...or ... they just wouldn’t do something like that at all, because the potential fall-out makes it not worth it...

@MsTSwift do you remember the thread when the OP was in a public toilet, a girl was on her phone and told OP not to use the hand dryer as it scares her DD and also she's on the phone. Cue loads of posters saying take her for a cuppa, she's obviously stressed, that's what I would do...and one poster told her to go and buy her a creme egg 😂😂😂

One last thing: the OP should think about whether this might backfire on her DD. If her friends see the arrival of Father Christmas, Elsa and Anna, but they know they are not allowed to join in, they might not be so keen in the future to ask the OP’s child to their parties.

[quote GlummyMcGlummerson]@jessstan1 I think the OP knows her DD pretty well. And no you didn't just "ask what your daughter thought about it", you made a snotty remark implying it was embarrassing and would insult the intelligence of an 8yo. Are you really surprised she hasn't replied to you?[/quote]
Oh blimey, yes, so I did - I don't think what I said was 'snotty' - but that was way back at the beginning. I was projecting, something like that would have killed me aged 8.

I wasn't thinking along the same lines in my last two posts. The op probably does know her daughter pretty well, better than we do at any rate. I still think she should ask her opinion, though she probably won't. Or maybe she has! In which case, good luck to them.

@flaviaritt

One last thing: the OP should think about whether this might backfire on her DD. If her friends see the arrival of Father Christmas, Elsa and Anna, but they know they are not allowed to join in, they might not be so keen in the future to ask the OP’s child to their parties.

Yeah, that's not how kids work. Trust me. They don't hold spiteful little grudges like adults apparently do. Unless it's said by a parent they won't even think to link "I didn't get a Santa experience" with "I didn't get one because of Daisy". I'm a teacher and have seen kids physically fighting then being best mates 2 weeks later.

Anyway I thought you'd flounced.

God forbid anyone books something for only their child. Mumsnet calls you a selfish cow... I wouldn't dream of saying my child will come over at x time they are coming. So rude!

Fair play @jessstan1

FWIW I'd have died of embarrassment too age 8 if I had a Santa visit, but I was a very cynical and astute child, whereas my DD is perhaps a little gullible and would absolutely eat a visit up

Anyway I thought you'd flounced.

I don’t think I was very flouncy.

But yes, some kids are like that. It’s not spite, it’s their idea of reciprocity, which can be very strong in 8 year olds.

Meh, I've never seen it. And if it happens it's probably because of spiteful, entitled parents telling them that Daisy excluded them. But most are intelligent enough to know that "reciprocity" should go towards Daisy's parents, not Daisy herself

And if it happens it's probably because of spiteful, entitled parents telling them that Daisy excluded them.

Hold on, no. We parents (according to this thread) are meant to tell our children that people can keep treats to themselves and don’t have to share if they don’t want to. That’s the message here. If you are teaching your kids that, rather than share and share alike, I agree they might end up following your example and not wishing to share, but also they might not wish to share with those who don’t share with them.

Why should someone "share" an expensive experience that they've solely paid for and was only planned for their own family?! Where does it end - holidays? Theme park days? Bouncy castles in the garden?

If you teach your children that their friends should share these experiences don't be surprised when they turn out to be entitled brats (and I imagine there'd be a resounding sigh of relief if they decided not to play with Daisy anymore)

@flaviaritt

Anyway, I am going to leave the thread now. So many tightwads, it’s depressing me.

Definitely a flounce! Bye!

If you teach your children that their friends should share these experiences don't be surprised when they turn out to be entitled brats

I have already told you several times that I am very happy to tell my child (and I do) that people don’t have to share if they don’t want to. That doesn’t mean I am not also teaching her how and when to share. But I can’t guarantee to the OP (and I am sure she understands this) that children who see their ‘friend’ having an experience like this and not inviting them to share, won’t think badly of her. I hope they don’t, but it is a possibility.

Definitely a flounce! Bye!

I don’t think so.

If her friends ... know they are not allowed to join in, they might not be so keen in the future to ask the OP’s child to their parties

OP only mentioned one friend's mum, and considering she's a drug user I'm not sure that would be any bad thing