To not invite my DDs friends.

[Julz1622]

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

OP only mentioned one friend's mum, and considering she's a drug user I'm not sure that would be any bad thing

True. But she also titled the thread as she did, suggesting there are several friends? I have lots of young relatives and hear lots of their little squabbles. It is not at all unusual for a child to say, “I don’t want to invite Maisie because she didn’t ask me to her party.”

Now, I know this isn’t a party. It just looks like one.

Hold on, no. We parents (according to this thread) are meant to tell our children that people can keep treats to themselves and don’t have to share if they don’t want to. That’s the message here

Not everything has to be shared. Boundaries are very important and the sooner children learn appropriate boundaries the better, because it might reduce the number of adults who get put upon by cheeky fuckers.

Some people don't get this, which is how you see situations at play groups or play dates where Parent A decides that Timmy should 'share' the toy he is playing with with their DC, when Timmy has only just started playing with the toy.
The Parent As of this world seem to think that 'sharing' means their DC gets whatever they want regardless of whether another child is using it. Sharing almost ways equals their child pushing in on other children.It's just encouraging bratty behaviour and a sense of entitlement.

@SpillingTheTea

God forbid anyone books something for only their child. Mumsnet calls you a selfish cow... I wouldn't dream of saying my child will come over at x time they are coming. So rude!

@SpillingTheTea yep! 😂 you read some strange things on mumsnet. Next the op will have to take all the neighbours kids on her next holiday she books, or if she buys a bigger house invite them to come live with here for free... because you know ... sharing. 😂

It is not at all unusual for a child to say, “I don’t want to invite Maisie because she didn’t ask me to her party”

I agree, but at eight OP's DD will be at school and I don't imagine all her friends will be living in the same block of flats

Unless the rest have also heard of this and are planning a bus tour so they can all pack into hallway of course

Not everything has to be shared.

I know. I have said this about eighteen times. This is an example of something I think should be shared, or cancelled. There are very few of these examples (IMO) but this is one of them.

I agree, but at eight OP's DD will be at school and I don't imagine all her friends will be living in the same block of flats

The OP is talking about her DC’s friends in the block. So some of them are clearly living there.

flaviaritt
So a parent shouldn't do a christmas treat for their children unless they're willing to pay for every child in the vicinity to have the same treat?

flaviaritt isn't going to back down, almost 70 of the posts on this 357 post thread are hers. There was a mask post earlier which got to 1000 posts with over 10% of them coming from her.

@flaviaritt if a child "thinks bad" of another child for not inviting them to something that was an expensive family only experience I'd seriously think how the "hard done by" child has been raised to be so entitled.

Also teaching your kids to always share their expensive experiences with local people will only make for adults who are total door mats who can't say no

The OP is talking about her DC’s friends in the block. So some of them are clearly living there

You're right - so hopefully they're not all possessed of the kind of parent who just announces "I'll send them over"

Looking at the responses/voting on this long thread I'd say the risk of them doing that is small, and as said, if the "cost" is that the DD will no longer be invited to a household where drugs are involved I'm not sure I'd be entirely sorry

slashlover

Freeze, it’s the FBI! 😂

slashlover
Oh right. It's like that is it.
Best leave be then.

Looking at the responses/voting on this long thread I'd say the risk of them doing that is small, and as said, if the "cost" is that the DD will no longer be invited to a household where drugs are involved I'm not sure I'd be entirely sorry

True!

So a parent shouldn't do a christmas treat for their children unless they're willing to pay for every child in the vicinity to have the same treat?

That isn’t remotely what I have said. I have said they shouldn’t do this treat.

Also teaching your kids to always share their expensive experiences with local people will only make for adults who are total door mats who can't say no

Do you think that is what I have said?

@flaviaritt

Not everything has to be shared.

I know. I have said this about eighteen times. This is an example of something I think should be shared, or cancelled. There are very few of these examples (IMO) but this is one of them.

No, it really isn't. No one is obliged to share paid-for family experiences. Sharing a toy is completely different.

@LolaSmiles

Hold on, no. We parents (according to this thread) are meant to tell our children that people can keep treats to themselves and don’t have to share if they don’t want to. That’s the message here

Not everything has to be shared. Boundaries are very important and the sooner children learn appropriate boundaries the better, because it might reduce the number of adults who get put upon by cheeky fuckers.

Some people don't get this, which is how you see situations at play groups or play dates where Parent A decides that Timmy should 'share' the toy he is playing with with their DC, when Timmy has only just started playing with the toy.
The Parent As of this world seem to think that 'sharing' means their DC gets whatever they want regardless of whether another child is using it. Sharing almost ways equals their child pushing in on other children.It's just encouraging bratty behaviour and a sense of entitlement.

100% this. Especially the bit about boundaries.

MN is usually all about boundaries, but apparently, children aren't allowed them at Christmas, according to some.

Other children happening upon this and watching from a distance, fine. The whole block of kids muscling in on the whole experience because they've heard it's happening - not fine. And the neighbour is a CF.

No, it really isn't. No one is obliged to share paid-for family experiences.

I didn’t say they are obliged. I said I think they should.

@flaviaritt

Also teaching your kids to always share their expensive experiences with local people will only make for adults who are total door mats who can't say no

Do you think that is what I have said?

That's literally what you've suggested the OP do for all of this thread

saraclara
I agree with you.

There's loads of thread where adults feel like they are obliged to invite people who they either dislike or who are toxic to events in order to keep the peace. There's loads of threads where adults feel pushed or guilt tripped into sharing possessions (eg expensive items & baby things or money) with CF. There's loads of threads where adults feel they aren't able to stand up for themselves because they have been taught that 'being nice'means to roll over and have their boundaries ignored.

But apparently children should have even special family treats taken over by any family who feels like pushing their children into something they weren't invited to.

Other children happening upon this and watching from a distance, fine.

I genuinely find this a bewildering attitude. ‘Happening upon’ Father Christmas on your staircase? When you’re six or seven years old? And being told you can ‘watch from a distance’? You can’t see how harsh that is? Or that a child will absolutely not understand that this is a paid-for experience, rather than magic?

There's loads of thread where adults feel like they are obliged to invite people who they either dislike or who are toxic to events in order to keep the peace. There's loads of threads where adults feel pushed or guilt tripped into sharing possessions (eg expensive items & baby things or money) with CF. There's loads of threads where adults feel they aren't able to stand up for themselves because they have been taught that 'being nice'means to roll over and have their boundaries ignored.

And you won’t find me on those threads arguing the contrary. This is an exceptional situation. On Christmas Eve, in lockdown, in a year where children have had few treats, Father Christmas is going to turn up for a single child.

I find that really quite horrible. I don’t care who’s paying for it.

I didn’t say they are obliged. I said I think they should

Should indicates obligation. It's sort of the point of the word

Should: used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions

So just to be clear, you dont think people are obliged to let other children crash their family treats, you just think they have an obligation and duty to allow other children to crash their children's treats.

@flaviaritt

No, it really isn't. No one is obliged to share paid-for family experiences.

I didn’t say they are obliged. I said I think they should.

JFC you are a piece of work.

Semantics dear, that's all it is - the sentiment is the same, you think the OP shouldn't have this treat to herself.

That's literally what you've suggested the OP do for all of this thread

Then you haven’t read well enough.