To not invite my DDs friends.

[Julz1622]

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

I think someone is rather tying themselves in knots here. The neighbour is a CF for expecting to send her daughter round, but OP is tight for agreeing that it is indeed CF. She would book this for her own children and tell all the neighbouring children to come too, but then, when it was pointed out that it would be obnoxious to invite many more children to an event pre-booked for two children, she claims she would of course book it for all of the neighbouring children and pay for it, or cancel it for her own children. Then it's called 'sharing' to have uninvited guests gatecrash and spoil an event booked for two children, who would also love to see the magic of Father Christmas that their mother booked for them to enjoy.
@flaviaritt - do you drive a car? If so, how do you manage to drive it in front of neighbours who don't have one? If you booked a driving lesson for your child, would you think it perfectly acceptable for the neighbour to expect their kid to share the lesson aswell, even if it means your child gets half the time? Would you cancel your children's birthday party because the neighbour told you their child would be upset by it?!

@flaviaritt

I really don't think people who get all flustered over simple things to tell their kids all well equipped to be parents.

Better give mine back, then? I can send her to the Scrooges, I’m sure they’ll do a much better job.

Or you could just be prepared for the difficult Santa questions before they come without ruining anyone else's fun

It sounds like a lovely thing to do for your children and they’re not too old to enjoy the magic of Christmas 🙄

Do your parents or anyone you know live nearby - perhaps it would be easier to change the location if possible with the restrictions?

@flaviaritt

Hat if they were at the bar and hungry would you share your food @flaviaritt**

Depends, doesn’t it? A friend who had her own money or a child watching me shovel a fudge sundae?

FFS grow some balls woman. I wouldn't share a delicious dessert with my own kids never mind by one else's and I'd think my friend was bloody weird if she offered to share a sundae with either of my kids.

Or you could just be prepared for the difficult Santa questions before they come without ruining anyone else's fun

I’m sure we’ll manage without it being necessary for me to stop parenting my child. It doesn’t change what I think of what the OP is actively choosing to do.

FFS grow some balls woman.

Erm... what?

I wouldn't share a delicious dessert with my own kids never mind by one else's and I'd think my friend was bloody weird if she offered to share a sundae with either of my kids.

Then it’s not a great example. Would I sit and eat a massive chocolate dessert in front of my friend’s kids, knowing she couldn’t afford to buy them one, without offering myself? No, because I am not a Scrooge.

I’m sure we’ll manage without it being necessary for me to stop parenting my child.

Say what?! Who says you need to stop parenting your child in order to talk about Santa

Then it’s not a great example. Would I sit and eat a massive chocolate dessert in front of my friend’s kids, knowing she couldn’t afford to buy them one, without offering myself? No, because I am not a Scrooge.

Don't you think it would be utterly condescending to say "here poor child have my dessert".

At the very least accept that stance is very unusual, you're in the minority, and other people that don't follow your example are not "tight arses".

Then it’s not a great example. Would I sit and eat a massive chocolate dessert in front of my friend’s kids, knowing she couldn’t afford to buy them one, without offering myself? No, because I am not a Scrooge.

Kids don't need to have everything given to them. Learning to understand that they're not entitled to everything and hear the word no is an important part of growing up.

Also, what about the poor little kids sobbing and pressing their sad little faces against the window of the cafe?

Don't you think it would be utterly condescending to say "here poor child have my dessert"

I’m not sure I’ve ever met a five year old who would feel condescended to by their mum’s friend buying them an ice cream.

Anyway, I am going to leave the thread now. So many tightwads, it’s depressing me.

If this was anything other than Santa I’d say no obligation to share whatsoever.

As it’s Santa however, you’ll be creating a lot of problems for your neighbours in explaining why santa is visiting your kids but not them, and potentially a lot of hurt children. Not everyone has £50 spare to spend on the same thing. If I were you I’d swap it to Anna Elsa and Olaf.

The way your neighbour “asked” is pure CF and I certainly wouldn’t be telling her the visit time, but it’s a public place so imagine you will get a few additional dc whether you tell people the timing or not.

@flaviaritt

Anyway, I am going to leave the thread now. So many tightwads, it’s depressing me.

🤣🤣🤣 yes we are all right because we wouldn't pay £50 a pop for the neighbour's kids to see Santa

*tight

Ok, off you flounce.

Missing the point entirely... where do you hire these Santas from?!

I dunno, I’m kind of with @flaviaritt.

I wouldn’t do this on Christmas Eve, if I thought there was a chance I was going to be excluding and/or upsetting my neighbours’ kids.

No, I definitely wouldn’t expect my kids to get something someone else has paid for, for their child.

But I think the only person who’s going to end up having the headache on the day is the OP, if/when the other kids see what’s happening and inevitably get upset.

If there’s really zero chance of that happening - Santa, Elsa and Anna not being spotted in a communal area on Christmas Eve - then crack on.

I know this seems to be a very unpopular view but I think it's ok for kids to not have every last thing they want. It's ok for them to see other people have stuff they don't have.

My DD wants horse riding lessons. They're too expensive for me as a single mum (especially if then DS wanted to take up riding) and as they're at their dad's EOW and holidays they wouldn't be able to commit to a regular programme of riding. I've said no. DD's best friend lives on a farm and has his own horse on site. Maybe I should be calling his mum and demanding that Jamie share his horse with my DD it's terribly tight of her not to because poor horse-impoverished DD shouldn't have to see the horsey-joy of Jamie and not have a slice of that for herself

I hate to break it for you, but A Christmas Carol is fictional

And allegorical
Yes, but somehow the allegory doesn't remotely say that someone is obliged to ensure everyone who fancies crashing a child's treat should do so, nor does any part of it say that parents have a moral obligation to provide christmas entertainment for everyone in their area.

@LolaSmiles unless the OP is actually a millionaire who is systemically financially oppressing her entire community. Otherwise, it's not the same really is it 😂

Do it somewhere else? At a parents house or whatever .

I know this seems to be a very unpopular view but I think it's ok for kids to not have every last thing they want. It's ok for them to see other people have stuff they don't have.

You think that’s an ‘unpopular view’...? I think you’d be hard pushed to find many parents who think their child should have every last thing they want.

I’m not viewing this from the same angle as you anyway. I don’t think.

I definitely do not think my child should be entitled to Santa time if someone else has paid for it.

But I also wouldn’t want to think of my actions causing other people’s kids to miss out.

I think this is one of those situations where we all just have to agree to disagree!

It’s the OP who will be dealing with it, so she should just crack on.

I'm massively on the fence. I think Santa pitching up in a communal area is a bit harsh (and I'd like to know what kind of close- if it's a corridor what if others are trying to get past during the experience?)

I wouldn't send my children over but I'd have a good look to figure out if it's a private or community event as where we live the only time we've seen Santa wandering around on Christmas Eve it has been for everyone.

GlummyMcGlummerson
Quite!
I think a version of A Christmas Carol where Scrooge is told by ghostly figures that he must ensure every child in London has a personal pre-Christmas visit from Santa or the fictional characters of the era would be quite entertaining. I'm sure The Muppets would do a good job.