If you pour yourself a glass of wine, must you also pour one for every adult in the house?

[ElephantsAlltheWayDown]

Genuinely curious. My husband and I don't see eye to eye on this. I think if I'm cooking (it's almost always while I'm cooking) and I fancy a glass of wine, and no other adults are in the room, I should just pour myself one and drink it. DH thinks this is the height of bad manners, and to be truly civilised one must hunt down every other adult in the house, inquire whether they too would like a glass of wine, and fetch them one if so.

I think this is ridiculous, and if it were enshrined in law I would rather forego the wine than have to traipse around asking other people if they too want a glass and then delivering it. Of course if someone was in the room with me I would absolutely offer them a glass.

If it matters, neither of us are big drinkers. The bottle in question tonight had been half empty for over a week, so it's not like we both share an evening glass at the same time every night and I was breaking some tradition (in contrast to coffee -- we always take turns bringing each other a morning cup). He just thinks it's plain weird and bad manners that I'll pour a glass without offering him one.

YABU: Not offering wine? Absolutely vulgar.
YANBU: Wtf is this weird idea

The thought of drinking wine that’s been open for over a week makes me feel quite ill, it would definitely be oxidised by then 🤢

Otherwise you’re not unreasonable.

I want a wine gong.... even though I'm the only adult that lives in this house I want to bong it every time I had wine

@ElephantsAlltheWayDown

And the bottle tasted fine, thank you very much. I wouldn't drink open red after a day or two but open white in the fridge always seems fine even a week later but I'm clearly not a connoisseur.

Red wine lasts five days from opening. White wine only lasts two to a max of three days.

Im with you OP
If dp wants a drink, he knows where kitchen is.

Unless you live in Buckingham Palace or similar YABU. How hard to shout out to someone to see if they would like a glass if you have the open bottle and are pouring? Weird.

@HoppingPavlova

Unless you live in Buckingham Palace or similar YABU. How hard to shout out to someone to see if they would like a glass if you have the open bottle and are pouring? Weird.

How hard is it for a grown adult to know if they feel like a drink or not and go get it themselves?

I certainly wouldn't leave the kitchen in the middle of cooking dinner, things might go horribly wrong.

Unless you live in Buckingham Palace or similar YABU. How hard to shout out to someone to see if they would like a glass if you have the open bottle and are pouring? Weird.

I drink lots of herbal tea in a day duringthe course of my work. ( work from home) Do I need to ask every adult if they want a tea or coffee every time I boil the kettle for a brew?
You dont need to live in "Buckingham palace" not to be heard by a shout.
I have a long hallway between my living room and kitchen, if I shout and the living room door is closed and maybe tv on no one will hear.
Anyone upstairs has no chance of hearing either.

If he was in the same room as me I'd probably ask but otherwise, nope!
If the people in your house are old enough to drink wine then they're old enough to pour it themselves! YANBU

If I lived in Buckingham palace I'd probably not be making dinner.

If I were, it would mean I was staff and working, so best I didn't drink on the job.

I generally just make DH tea or coffee and take it him if he’s working upstairs and I’m not. I’d ask him if we were both in the lounge together. With wine we generally have it with a meal so would pour for the other when there. I don’t generally have wine while cooking but I think I would offer if I did.

Don't be ridiculous HoppingPavlova.

As a pp said - if any of us lived in palaces, the question would be mute, ass the staff would be both cooking and serving pre-dinner drinks.
However, if one of us is in the kitchen, with the door shut, and the other is 2 floors away, again with the door shut, very likely also listening to some music, or potentially on a zoom call, then they aren't going to hear. Not everyone lives in a bedsit or open plan small flat either.

@HoppingPavlova

Unless you live in Buckingham Palace or similar YABU. How hard to shout out to someone to see if they would like a glass if you have the open bottle and are pouring? Weird.

Like I said, he's two rooms and a hallway away, with his headphones on. Shouting is pointless, I actually have to go to him.

I've not had a partner who liked to drink wine, so no!

But I normally offer if we are hanging out together - say, in the summer sitting outside, or sitting in the living room. I say I'm going to grab some wine and offer to get him a beer.

If they were in the room with me or within calling distance then yes I'd offer. Otherwise no.

I'm not a waitress and they're a grown adult capable of getting their own wine.

If we're doing different things in the house (i.e. both working from home) I neither expect to wait or be waited upon.

If we're both doing the same thing (e.g cleaning or watching TV or sitting down to dinner) then that's a different thing.

Just holler "ANYONE WANT A GLASS OF WINE?" Problem solved

Talk about a fuss over nothing. If he comes into the and kitchen and sees you drinking wine, surely all he has to do is say ‘Is there any of that left? I’ll have some too’ - and whoever is closest to the fridge pours it. It’s not like you’ve got to stomp the bloody grapes!