If you pour yourself a glass of wine, must you also pour one for every adult in the house?

[ElephantsAlltheWayDown]

Genuinely curious. My husband and I don't see eye to eye on this. I think if I'm cooking (it's almost always while I'm cooking) and I fancy a glass of wine, and no other adults are in the room, I should just pour myself one and drink it. DH thinks this is the height of bad manners, and to be truly civilised one must hunt down every other adult in the house, inquire whether they too would like a glass of wine, and fetch them one if so.

I think this is ridiculous, and if it were enshrined in law I would rather forego the wine than have to traipse around asking other people if they too want a glass and then delivering it. Of course if someone was in the room with me I would absolutely offer them a glass.

If it matters, neither of us are big drinkers. The bottle in question tonight had been half empty for over a week, so it's not like we both share an evening glass at the same time every night and I was breaking some tradition (in contrast to coffee -- we always take turns bringing each other a morning cup). He just thinks it's plain weird and bad manners that I'll pour a glass without offering him one.

YABU: Not offering wine? Absolutely vulgar.
YANBU: Wtf is this weird idea

When you get a snack do you also have to offer, and make a cup of tea? Can you have nothing to yourself these days without it being rude?

My husband wouldn't get a look in unless he got up and got it himself. I'd offer when I fancied it as would he.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Get a Wine Gong, if they want a glass they'll come to the kitchen when you 'bong it'

This! Either a gong or a yell of "There's a bottle open if you want any, but you'll have to hurry up!"

I'd always ask if my DH wanted a glass if I was planning on opening a bottle.

If someone was in the room then I'd offer them a drink.
If elsewhere in the house I'd probably short up that I was opening some wine if anyone wanted to get themselves a glass, or if they're on top floor I'd text it.

They'd be expected to come down and get it themselves if I was busy cooking though.

Ok I was being a bit naughty.... the way it was phrased seemed to me that he sets the tone of what’s rude in the house so she should jump to it. Where does OP get to determine the rules of the house?
But I see that’s not the real tone of your post so will stand down. Sorry! Have been reading a lot of the feminism posts today and am primed!

That was for @SarahAndQuack

Thanks for the apology. I was a bit bemused me extrapolating from my lesbian relationship struck you as an example for the patriarchy ...

I’d offer, I mean, my dh would be next door watching tv or something so bit rude not to offer.

I would stick my head out the kitchen and shriek WINE IS BEING OPENED and then assume that people who wanted one would drift in of their own accord. I wouldn’t just pour one for myself and keep schtum, that seems a bit sneaky to me.

I would do the same as @YesPleaseMary

If white or rose, no as DH doesn't drink it. If red then yes would pour 2 glasses of whatever was left after cooking

Always make hot drinks and ask if he wants one

He does the same

Make squash or water for myself

I wouldn;t dream of asking.
There is usually beer or wine in he fridge anyway.
I sometimes have a glass while I cook, I wouldn;t think to ask other famly members- they are lucky to be having a meal cooked for them I don't have to be a drinks waitress as well.

I enjoyed your post OP as my DH frequently goes to get himself a drink in front of me and doesn’t ask if I’d like one. I think that’s inconsiderate and pretty oaf-like 🤔 but I’d never expect him to hunt me down if I was out of the room. 🤣

I call it Chef Juice. If I'm cooking and I want a glass of wine, I pour myself some chef juice. No need to offer it around; they'll get some at dinner and after dinner, if they want it before then they can come and ask.

TBH, if I’m getting myself ANY sort of drink (be that wine, tea, coffee or juice) I will call out to DH to see if he wants one and he does the same.

Me and DH drink at different times, I start earlier (6ish) and he starts later 7-8 Ish). Once we're both having wine we ask each other but before I never bother as he starts when he's ready to

Hilarious. To consider this 'the height of rudeness' is ridiculous- the things people choose to get worked up over...
If we were sitting down to eat together or to watch a film together I would certainly offer him a glass if I was opening a bottle. But if he was elsewhere while I was cooking and I fancied pouring myself a glass? No I wouldn't go out of my way to hunt him down and serve him a glass, no way. And he wouldn't be mortally offended by that because he's not a dick.

YABU to drink a glass of wine from a bottle that’s been open over a week. Day 3 is the latest IMO

Not in my bloody house
The wine is all mine

I would wait until my husband was around and we'd have a glass together, but if there were unspecified numbers of adults lurking in various corners of the house I would see that as his job to get them a drink considering I was busy cooking!

If I was cooking I would call dh and ask him to pour me a glass.

If you were cooking then he should be pouring.

There are 4 adults in my house. If we are all watching TV then whoever gets up to make a drink will offer to get one for everyone. If I’m cooking on my own then I’ll just get my own wine rather than go and ask the other 3. The wine stash would disappear way too quickly if I had to pour 4 glasses each time!

@LuaDipa

If I was cooking I would call dh and ask him to pour me a glass.

This, DH needs to sort the wine out.

Luckily my dh drinks beer or gin.
The chef gets the drink. I’m usually the chef 🥴