If you pour yourself a glass of wine, must you also pour one for every adult in the house?

[ElephantsAlltheWayDown]

Genuinely curious. My husband and I don't see eye to eye on this. I think if I'm cooking (it's almost always while I'm cooking) and I fancy a glass of wine, and no other adults are in the room, I should just pour myself one and drink it. DH thinks this is the height of bad manners, and to be truly civilised one must hunt down every other adult in the house, inquire whether they too would like a glass of wine, and fetch them one if so.

I think this is ridiculous, and if it were enshrined in law I would rather forego the wine than have to traipse around asking other people if they too want a glass and then delivering it. Of course if someone was in the room with me I would absolutely offer them a glass.

If it matters, neither of us are big drinkers. The bottle in question tonight had been half empty for over a week, so it's not like we both share an evening glass at the same time every night and I was breaking some tradition (in contrast to coffee -- we always take turns bringing each other a morning cup). He just thinks it's plain weird and bad manners that I'll pour a glass without offering him one.

YABU: Not offering wine? Absolutely vulgar.
YANBU: Wtf is this weird idea

I would always offer dp a glass but then I'm not in the habit of drinking whilst cooking

If he’s nearby/ in the same room/ not working I would ask if he wants a drink- often he has a beer first.
If like yesterday I start on the wine at 4pm when he’s still logged on WFH then no I just get on with it

My last sentence avove makes no sense!

Also other the above are drinking wine in secret with the intention of not sharing

Should be

Also other than the above, drinking wine in secret with the intention of not sharing is a totally different situation

Like a lot of people I barely get to sit down until dinnertime and being told I also need to deliver drinks in order to "be civilised" gives me a small amount of rage.

So he wants a home cooked meal AND you running after him offering a drink?! He’s a knob.

Just me googling gongs then.
I'm with you OP. If i'm on my own in the kitchen the wine is just for me. But we are quite antisocial people at the best of times, I drink wine, he drinks beer. I can't pour beer successfully.
We also have a one cup hot water dispenser and coffee machine that only I really use as DH isn't much of a tea drinker, so we have got out of the habit of offering each other drinks.
Luckily, we are both fully functioning adults and are capable of getting our own drinks without either of us having a hissy fit

I’d definitely offer, I always do the same with non alcoholic drinks too

If I am cooking then any drink I have is functional rather than a social event and so no I would not go around offering the non existant other adults in my household if they wanted a drink too, unless they were in the kitchen with me at the time.

If, however, I was sitting in the living room and got up to make a drink - alcoholic or otherwise - then i would offer one to the others present too.

Pour a glass for him and leave it on the table. No rule says you have to take it to him.

I would actively avoid this as its less wine for me.

In all other circs offering a drink is polite. BUT chef's prerogative is a thing and anyone who queries that is rude.

In our house DH is the knowledgeable wine buff, so he chooses the wine, and I am happy for him to do so. Our house isn't the size where asking if someoen wants some wine is an effort.

He has just opened a lovely Rioja, and I am happily sipping a pre-prandial glass.

I would always offer, same if I was sticking the kettle on. It's also courtesy to offer to get things from the kitchen if you are getting up from the sofa

How big a house is it that you would have to "hunt down" people? I would always mention to DH if I was going to have a glass and ask if he fancied one - common courtesy I would think. We don't have a big house though, he's generally within shouting distance!

My partner is currently cooking, he shouted “I’m pouring a beer do you want a drink” he poured me a gin and I went to collect it from him before plonking back in front of the TV.

How big a house is it that you would have to "hunt down" people?

My house isn't massive, but if I shouted from the kitchen no one would hear me in the living room, or anyone in the bedrooms.
We actually sometimes text each other at home.

If he was in the room or maybe the next room, I might ask but otherwise, no. If I'm in the living room and get up to go for a top up, I ask if he wants a drink while I'm going but I wouldn't stop what I was doing to to looking for him. My DH doesn't drink wine anyway so it doesn't really apply. He doesn't drink tea or coffee either so I only have myself to consider brew-wise too!

@Standrewsschool

I’m with you op. When I’m cooking the roast, I quite often pour myself a glass of wine. If dh is nearby, then I may offer him one. However, if he’s upstairs, then I’d wait until he came downstairs.

Don’t consider it rude at all.

I agree with this. If I'm cooking, I'll get myself one, and offer to anyone who is in the kitchen at the time. If I'm not cooking, I'll offer, but if someone's upstairs I'll wait til they come down. I'm not traipsing around after everyone.

I think it's the height of bad manners that he doesnt come and pour you the wine whilst you're cooking the meal!

How big a house is it that you would have to "hunt down" people?

Well put it this way, I have to text them, or ask Alexa to tell DS and DH dinner is ready .

I've just been cooking dinner and DH came in to the kitchen to ask me if I'd like him to make me a G&T.

Yanbu & when doing the cooking it is a brucie bonus to have a glass of wine. Nobody else deserves a glass until mealtime. Chef is more deserving!

I'm the only adult in my house who drinks wine...

Don’t think it’s a problem if you are in the kitchen on your own different if you pour yourself one without offering your DH if he’s standing there or you are settling down to watch strictly!! 😆 My stbexh always did this and couldn’t understand why I’d say well thanks for that then

No way, YANBU
If I’m cooking up a storm then DP knows there will be a glass of wine available, he can come and get one while I’m cooking. It’s not up to me to ask him if he wants a drink, he’s an adult.
When dinner is ready I’ll make sure if there is wine available then a lovely glass is poured for him. Just to add, he often cooks for me and it works the other way too.

Op, how many adults are in your house and how big is it? Hunting down every adult, and then having to fetch them wine, sounds like something major

However if it’s just asking if your husband if we wishes a glass then I can’t see the big deal, but you have made it sound like you’re living with a huge amount of adults in a massive house?

I would ask DH if he fancied one but not DDs .... since they’ve become adults our wine doesn’t go far enough in this house!!