If you pour yourself a glass of wine, must you also pour one for every adult in the house?

[ElephantsAlltheWayDown]

Genuinely curious. My husband and I don't see eye to eye on this. I think if I'm cooking (it's almost always while I'm cooking) and I fancy a glass of wine, and no other adults are in the room, I should just pour myself one and drink it. DH thinks this is the height of bad manners, and to be truly civilised one must hunt down every other adult in the house, inquire whether they too would like a glass of wine, and fetch them one if so.

I think this is ridiculous, and if it were enshrined in law I would rather forego the wine than have to traipse around asking other people if they too want a glass and then delivering it. Of course if someone was in the room with me I would absolutely offer them a glass.

If it matters, neither of us are big drinkers. The bottle in question tonight had been half empty for over a week, so it's not like we both share an evening glass at the same time every night and I was breaking some tradition (in contrast to coffee -- we always take turns bringing each other a morning cup). He just thinks it's plain weird and bad manners that I'll pour a glass without offering him one.

YABU: Not offering wine? Absolutely vulgar.
YANBU: Wtf is this weird idea

How big is your house that you need to traipse around to offer a drink.
I would always offer

YANBU at all.

If you were sitting in the living room and one got up to go and get a drink, then obviously (I hope) whoever got up would offer the other one a drink too, but if I were cooking, and poured myself something to drink (wine, water, tea, juice, whatever), then no, I wouldn't go hunting over the house to find if others wanted anything, then, as you say, come back and pour / make them, then deliver them, whilst the cooking is all going wrong through lack of attention.
I do live in a house over 3 storeys though and other adults are likely to be behind closed doors and potentially on calls and / or with headphones on. If I were within earshot, I'd probably ask if anyone near wanted a glass.

Your dh is wrong, IMO.

Here is how you get passed this. You stick your head out of the kitchen door. You yell “DOES ANYONE WANT A GLASS OF WINE” if there are no answers your conscience is clear. If someone says “YES PLEASE” you shout “OK I WILL POUR COME AND GET IT”. Of you don’t vulgarly shout like me. Text the same message. Problem solved. Chin chin op

Buy yourself some Amazon echoes - than make an announcement - 'if you want some wine, come and get it'.
That would be as far as it went in my house!
Isn't it common knowledge the cook gets the wine?

Get a Wine Gong, if they want a glass they'll come to the kitchen when you 'bong it'

He sounds like really hard work.

Next time one glass coz you fancy one and another because of his batshit. Utterly ridiculous!

Do you not like your partner? If not - fair dos. If you love him - why would you not see if he wants some wine? It would be the kind thing to do.

I don't think I'd open a bottle without offering DH a glass too, but if there were various adults in the house (own parents or in laws, adult children) Id only offer if they were downstairs/ in the next room - I wouldn't wander around looking for people to offer.

As I'm not good at leaving an open bottle in the fridge for a week, unlike you, I never open wine to drink alone and there's rarely an open bottle sitting in the fridge for more than two consecutive days.

I really don't understand how people have open wine in their house for a week misses point of thread--

@YellowPostItPad

Do you not like your partner? If not - fair dos. If you love him - why would you not see if he wants some wine? It would be the kind thing to do.

Jesus that's a bit over the top. Very mumsnet. Implying she doesn't love her partner because she isn't supplying him with wine while cooking. Ffs.

You’re not a waitress, OP, or a butler. Same for you other mumsnetters who will seek out every other family member to wait on them before looking after yourselves. This is how women run themselves ragged.
If they’re within earshot, fine, but you don’t have to go rounding them up to wait on them! Depends how big your house is of course...! :)

@YellowPostItPad

Do you not like your partner? If not - fair dos. If you love him - why would you not see if he wants some wine? It would be the kind thing to do.

What a twattish thing to say

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Get a Wine Gong, if they want a glass they'll come to the kitchen when you 'bong it'

I love this. I have. A gin bell, but it must be broken when I ring it no one brings me a gin.

• Different rules for the chef, IMO. You can have a glass with impunity.

Of course if anyone comes in to the kitchen you offer.

If you're lounging around elsewhere in the house then you have to offer it round*

This. @HeyMicky has it right. Different rules for the chef! Although I do tend to offer DH a glass if I pour one, even if I’m cooking... but I’d expect him to come and grab it.

Start bellowing " does anyone want wine" from the kitchen and then pour it and shout "come get it, I'm cooking dinner" when they yes.

Get a Wine Gong, if they want a glass they'll come to the kitchen when you 'bong it'

Wine Gong, I love it!

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Get a Wine Gong, if they want a glass they'll come to the kitchen when you 'bong it'

Love this!!

There is only one other adult in my house apart from me so I would feel weird and mean not offering DH a drink if I was having one. And my house isn't big enough to be a chore to walk through to find him to ask.

I would also offer him a cup of tea if I was making one. Or a biscuit if I had opened the packet etc etc. It's common courtesy, surely?

Within earshot I'd offer. Any further away, they clearly aren't interested in wine as otherwise they'd be nearer the wine source

@SarahAndQuack

I wouldn't ask usually DP, because she doesn't drink much and almost never white, which is my preference. If I were drinking red I'd probably offer.

But I think if he finds it rude, you not bothering to ask him is rude. Because you know he'd appreciate being asked. For me it'd be a quick yell up the stairs and him fetching it, mind, as if you're cooking you're busy.

I'd never make a cuppa without asking DP.

Got to keep the master of the house happy

DH thinks this is the height of bad manners, and to be truly civilised one must hunt down every other adult in the house, inquire whether they too would like a glass of wine, and fetch them one if so.

My mum would just bring me a glass of wine rather than waste time asking. Why don’t you pour two glasses and then if/when your DH comes into the kitchen, his is there ready as you can claim you were just about to go and find him and take it to him? If he doesn’t come in, then you get a second glass.

Just text him (or whomever) if not within shouting distance. But if I'm cooking and fancy being I'd probably just have one. But I don't drink until I'm sitting down.

@tulippa

There is only one other adult in my house apart from me so I would feel weird and mean not offering DH a drink if I was having one. And my house isn't big enough to be a chore to walk through to find him to ask.

I would also offer him a cup of tea if I was making one. Or a biscuit if I had opened the packet etc etc. It's common courtesy, surely?

Not biscuits! They are in their own category of not needing to be shared in my house right now. (I’m a bit more generous with biscuits when not home schooling an isolated child).

What on earth do you mean, @Coffeeoverload?

It's nothing to do with gender. As I said, I'd never not offer my DP a cuppa because she would always want to be asked; I wouldn't bother always asking her about wine because I know she typically won't care. The point is that the OP knows her husband would like to be asked, so it is a bit mean not to.