If you pour yourself a glass of wine, must you also pour one for every adult in the house?

[ElephantsAlltheWayDown]

Genuinely curious. My husband and I don't see eye to eye on this. I think if I'm cooking (it's almost always while I'm cooking) and I fancy a glass of wine, and no other adults are in the room, I should just pour myself one and drink it. DH thinks this is the height of bad manners, and to be truly civilised one must hunt down every other adult in the house, inquire whether they too would like a glass of wine, and fetch them one if so.

I think this is ridiculous, and if it were enshrined in law I would rather forego the wine than have to traipse around asking other people if they too want a glass and then delivering it. Of course if someone was in the room with me I would absolutely offer them a glass.

If it matters, neither of us are big drinkers. The bottle in question tonight had been half empty for over a week, so it's not like we both share an evening glass at the same time every night and I was breaking some tradition (in contrast to coffee -- we always take turns bringing each other a morning cup). He just thinks it's plain weird and bad manners that I'll pour a glass without offering him one.

YABU: Not offering wine? Absolutely vulgar.
YANBU: Wtf is this weird idea

And the bottle tasted fine, thank you very much. I wouldn't drink open red after a day or two but open white in the fridge always seems fine even a week later but I'm clearly not a connoisseur.

Well it is if it involves me leaving whatever I was stirring, going up two flights of stairs, listening at the door to see if he is in the middle of delivering some kind of presentation I don't really want to pop in to, then asking him, then coming down those 2 flights of stairs, pouring the wine, taking it back up, and coming down again. Obviously by which point whatever I was stirring would have stuck to the pan / dried up / burnt / gone off in some other way.

I deleted a bit in my post about how I have to stand in the doorway and wave my arms like an idiot until he notices me and turns off his music because I didn't want to seem completely ridiculous, but yeah. I relate to this.

If its just you and your husband surely it wouldn't take long to track him down and offer him a drink? Although he should come and collect it himself, otherwise it's just lazy.
However I don't think it's rude to get yourself a drink and not ask everyone else. If your husband wanted a glass of wine he could have gone and got one.

You’re drinking wine that’s been open over a week? Dear god...

YANBU

Tea/coffee yes. Anything else nah.

Do people who think it's rude not to offer, feel the same about biscuits, toast, the odd bar square of chocolate?

I would definitely ask my other half if her would like a glass if he was in the vicinity.

Should I start cooking on mynown and fancy a glasd...would I search him out...NO.

Would i search your husband out? Hell no he sounds like a twat.

Cook's are definitely entitled to a peaceful glass...or two.

Well if you’re in the kitchen cooking, it’d be very thoughtful if he did the drinks round, starting with you and then anyone else who wanted one. What’s stopping him?

I would rather forego the wine than have to traipse around asking other people if they too want a glass and then delivering it.

How big is your house?!

I think it's polite to offer.

The best the other adults in my house might get is me hollering “there’s wine in the kitchen if you want some”. I wouldn’t be traipsing round the house, when I’m trying to cook dinner (and drink my wine). Hell no.

His opinion sounds completely ridiculous.

Does he expect the same if you're pouring a glass of ribena for yourself?

No, we wouldn’t in our house. I’m with you on this.

Yes I’d offer.

Buy a gong/loudspeaker. Then you can announce wine is being consumed.

If they're in shouting distance then yes I'd offer.
Our house is open plan downstairs and not huge though so it isn't much effort.
I wouldn't go hunting for DH to offer him a glass though- he'd just pour his own when he came into the kitchen.

I’d always find DH and offer. And I’d be annoyed if he was downstairs drinking wine and I was upstairs oblivious, drinking tea. He should bring me wine if he opens a bottle without a doubt! So it has to work both ways!

DH just pours mine. I don't think I've ever refused a glass of wine.
I've poured one just for myself before, if I'm cooking and DH is upstairs with the kids. (No food or drinks upstairs in this house ) I'll offer him one when he comes into the kitchen though, if I have one.
Tea/coffee I'd always offer.

Adult DC drink too much. I would not encourage more.
Adult DS doesn't like wine, anyway.

Our wine comes out of a box, no bottle opening ritual.

Meh I think everyone has different ideas what's polite .
I have a colleague who will ask practically everyone in the office if they want a drink which is nice but god forbid if you make one and not him , even if he's not in the office or you've made several for him and none back .
For me I'm happy to get someone a drink but it's not rude to only get yourself one . It's only rude if you are in the same room and don't offer or if you have guests round and don't offer . Your dh is perfectly capable of finding the fridge I say .

DH and I just make our own drinks and drink them.That goes for tea, coffee, wine, water, soft drinks etc. Works for us!

@HeyMicky

Different rules for the chef, IMO. You can have a glass with impunity.

Of course if anyone comes in to the kitchen you offer.

If you're lounging around elsewhere in the house then you have to offer it round

Absolutely this.

@UniversalHadIt

YABU to drink wine that’s been open for over a week! Surely not delicious?!

My thoughts entirely

Depends on the circumstances. As said up thread if I'm alone in the kitchen (preparing food for everyone in the house). Then I'd have a glass- anyone comes into the kitchen (to offer to help make their dinner one presumes 😀) then they would be offered one too.

I do sometimes feel that some people cannot understand how different situations change the way things get done. I

It seems to them that every behaviour much be done the exact same way. So pouring a glass of wine must always involved offering everyone in the house regardless of the situation. But to others the situation influenced the behaviour.

To me sitting watching TV and getting a glass of wine involves a different (polite) behaviour to being alone preparing something for everyone and pouring a glass of wine.

Also other the above are drinking wine in secret with the intention of not sharing.

An open bottle wouldn’t last a week in our house . If I’m in the same room and I refill my glass or he tops up his then we ask but if I was in the kitchen cooking and happened to pour a glass for myself would ask if he was nearby but he wouldn’t have a hissy fit if I didn’t

I would offer to anyone else in the room and to anyone who entered the room while I was drinking the wine. I wouldn't go looking for them.

@CherryValanc exactly!