To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

well, you seem committed to each other, financially stable etc and you both really want it. Sounds the right time to me.

So many couples wait too long nowadays. It took until I was 30 to be in a financially stable enough position to TTC...5 long painful years later we finally had our son.

We are meant to conceive in our teens/twenties.....just modern lufe gets in the way somewhat.

Good luck to you!

I agree you are way too young! - enjoy your freedom - ! travel - see the world - get life experiences!

Me and exdh started trying at 23. Nothing happened by 24 so we went to doctors etc, had loads of investigations and I was told I wasn't ovulating so I resigned myself to the fact I wouldn't have any children.

We split at 29 and I met my dp. I've since been pregnant 3 times. First resulted in dd when I was 32. I had a miscarriage in May this year at 35. Now currently 15 weeks pregnant and I'm 36.

So I don't think you are too young. Surely better to start early incase you need to go through treatment. As in my area the cut off for ivf was 30.

God if I was in your shoes and could turn the clock back I would do it!

You are an adult supporting yourself in a stable long term happy relationship. I had my two in my 30s and my friendship group is riddled with people who've left it too late, had age related fertility problems, miscarriages (these become much more common with advancing age) and complex pregnancies.

If this is what you both want, go for it. Good luck!

You sound lovely OP. You obviously know what you want and have worked hard to get where you are. Best of luck to you abs your partner

@MrsTerryPratchett

What are these non-graduate jobs where you can pay for a house and all the travelling you want? Seriously?

It's called living up north and not spending all your money on shite for me personally

Not necessarily all the travel i want but then I don't get enough days off for that anyone, but we have nice holidays compared to mn standards I'm sure our holidays are shite but we are happy.

@Christmasfairy2020

I had my 1st aged 20 when still doing nurse degree had maternity half way through. 2nd aged 25. I felt better, wiser, mature at 25.

Go to florida
Vegas
Amsterdam
Maldives 1st as you ain't gonna be going again for a long time. All stuff we havent done x

And stuff you can do when your kids have grown up. You’ll have more money to enjoy them too.

You’re in a happy stable relationship,Solvent,both want a baby? go for it😀
I will say have the big conversation, be clear and explicit about expectations and preference discuss

Religion - are you one or both observant, Will you raise baby in a faith. or are you atheist

School - private or state? Faith or non faith school*

Child care, will you use nursery,nanny,family or a Sahp (if so who)

Mat leave how long and will he take time off

Employment both FT? Both PT? Or 1sahp(who?)

Finance- baby costs how will you divide costs? Prorata or divide by two

Grandparents what are their roles,what expectations do you have regard contacts etc

Discipline and behaviour what’s your style and preference

You are young. However, doesn’t make you too young.

In 1971, the average age of first time mothers was 23 years old.

Do what’s right for you, not for other people.

you do what's right for you.
I was 24 when I had my first. best thing I have ever done. I had my next at 26. i got told I was young, (it also didn't help I looked like I was 16. )Your in a excellent position financially too.
All just depends what you want out of life. not everyone wants to travel and see the world in their 20s. Mine are 7 and 5 now and I love our life, our days out, bike rides, country walks our family holidays abroad, camping.

One one hand you are indeed too young but on the other hand by the age of 40 your child will be nearly an adult.

"on"

I'm 38 and had my beautiful DD last year at 37. I love her more than anything and the only thing I would change is to be 10 or 15 years younger so I had more energy and I didn't yet know how much I liked lazing in bed on a Sunday morning or slowly sipping a coffee after mooching round the shops. I won't have any more as I feel I'm too old and that has been very hard to accept.

Have your babies young if you want to - if I had met my husband at 15 I would have had babies at 23 too, if I were in your situation.

I will say though that I'm not the person I am not when I was 23 - I wouldn't have had the patience or stability to cope with all the things that parenthood has thus far thrown my way. But that is a personal thing - I was a young party girl at 23 who had just moved half way across the year to do a gap year between uni degrees - I didn't own a house or have a stable job and I had no interest in those things. If you do - go for it.

Thank you all. I appreciate your comments and can understand all of the questions.
All I can say is that, again, we are extremely fortunate and will never be ungrateful for that.
We have been TTC for 5 months, we had a loss 2 months back which was absolutely devastating but we are still trying. I can completely appreciate peoples concerns with me living my life first. We have again, been very lucky to do most of the holidays we had dreamed of and have had many lovely experiences over our 8 years together. Xx

Ignore my age comment about ivf. They have raised the age limit to 40.

You sound in the right position to have children if that's what you want. You must really know why you want children now and not later. Maybe write a list of why you want them so you can feel sure in your decision and not bothered if someone questions it. I had my first at 25 and it did feel relatively young these days but I knew it was what I wanted. I've now got 3 kids and am 33 and I think I'm done. Sometimes I do consider that we could have enjoyed our freedom more before we had kids but I really craved to be a mother since I was in my late teens so I don't think I could put it off any longer. I'm happy that when my kids are older I'll be relatively young and hopefully be able to help out with grandkids. Other people value their freedom more, it's horses for courses. My own mum cant really understand why I wanted kids young.

We had ours at 28 and I wish we'd done it sooner. You're not too young at all.

I was told DH and I would be divorced by now... we married at 21/23 and DS1 was born when I was 26 and DS2 29. I was told it was a massive issue.

I don’t regret it, and am looking forward to enjoying them moving out 🤣

I had my first ds at 22 and married dh the following year. We were young (he was 23) but I don’t regret it. We had ds2 3 years later and are still together now. When you’re ready is the right time.

It is young, however my brother was married with two kids at 24. His kids moved away for uni when he was 41 and now him and his wife are child free and still young enough to enjoy themselves. He has his own business and takes long periods off to travel. On the other hand me and my other brothers had our kids in our mid 30s, tired and tied down with young kids whilst he travels and has fun.

Eh? You’re not 14. 23 is perfectly fine to be having children if you feel you have found the right person. It’s become perceived as too young in the past 2-4 decades. If anything people are waiting too long to conceive, but I bet you wouldn’t say to someone in their late 30s that they were ‘too old’. Because it would be rude. It’s no one else’s business.

@Roominmyhouse

You are mortgage free at that age? Oh my god enjoy it before you have your children. Spend a few years having the money to enjoy your lives before you have your children.

I absolutely agree! You are in a very lucky position so 1. Save some money for when you do have a family but also 2. Most definitely enjoy some time to enjoy life, travel, enjoy hobbies, party, and generally enjoy the freedom being child free brings! Have fun.

Go for it! I had my first at 27 and wish it could have been even sooner. You want kids, have kids! Good luck!

I agree that it’s better to get married first but apart from this you are doing great with your life. I’m sure your children will enjoy having young parents!