To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

I don’t think you should wait years and years but wait a few years. I had DD at 29 and had absolutely no regrets of things I felt like I hadn’t done etc but still had a lot of energy etc whereas the few friends I had who had babies at 23/24 felt too young when they look back and the friends I have who had their firsts at 37/38 felt like they’d left it a bit late.

Do what you like! Don't let anyone tell you what is right or wrong. I imagine most people envy your position

And if you have them now, you'll be in your mid 40s when they fly the nest, still a young age to do travel etc if you want.

@MoonJelly

I think it's a bit sad that you both feel you have done all the travelling you want. The world is an absolutely wonderful place and, at 23, there is no way you have seen even a representative sample.

I agree it's sad she thinks she's done everything she might ever want to do in terms of travel etc but in her mid 40s her child will be an adult and she might want to do more then. In my mid 40s my youngest will be 7, I won't be in that position until late 50s. I know which one will be doing the more exciting things in their 40s and 50s and it's not me

Considering there’s parents out there that had children from 14 upwards, you’re not young in the slightest.

Do not have children before marriage. Only when it is all legal. Please.

I don’t think you’re too young or immature (however I don’t know you) but tbh I wouldn’t have a kid that young. It’s hard fuckin work and I would enjoy some nice holidays (when you can) rather than skip straight to kids

In terms of travelling we have been very fortunate to have gone to most places we have wanted to go, and this was what we would use most of our savings on so that we can experience the things we wanted to.
Of course, there's still places we would love to travel to, but isn't that the case for everybody? Nobody's going to be able to see the entire world before children, and likely won't be able to see the entire world after children either! But we like the idea of being able to travel with our children when they are of age. X

@Hellothere19999

I don’t think you’re too young or immature (however I don’t know you) but tbh I wouldn’t have a kid that young. It’s hard fuckin work and I would enjoy some nice holidays (when you can) rather than skip straight to kids

Why can't you do that when you have kids? Not having a mortgage they're in a better position that most.

I don't know why people make out that you have to give everything up when you have kids. Not everyone does!

They’re jealous

Or the person OP told could see what a wonderful and privileged position OP and her partner are in, and could afford to wait a few years. They have time on their side to have a family.

Also, people know what it is like being the first to start a family within their friendship group. You only have to read some of the threads on here about those friends drifting away etc.

All this is mute anyway. Only 1 person in RL said they were too young, and they are still going ahead with TTC.

I had my 1st aged 20 when still doing nurse degree had maternity half way through. 2nd aged 25. I felt better, wiser, mature at 25.

Go to florida
Vegas
Amsterdam
Maldives 1st as you ain't gonna be going again for a long time. All stuff we havent done x

I think if you’re financially secure and there is no impact on yout career, you’re on the ladder then it’s fine

My daughter is the exact same age as you, she’s a trainee lawyer, so not the right time for her, she needs to qualify. But I’d also think that it was too young

I say that as a parent, having a baby is fabulous, but it’s not all fun and games and for me, you should enjoy your time now being responsiblity free, building your career, and then thinking about kids.

Buy an ovulation kit as well. Xx

It’s not too young. Days gone by you’d be pretty average. The fact that the pill and increased access to treatment means that people choose to put off having kids til late 20s to early 40s has skewed the reality that peak fertility is (mainly) in your 20s.

Absolutely not too young OP, what nonsense - it’s not like you’re teenagers who’ve only just met! You both sound very sensible and responsible - I wish I’d had things that sorted at 23 instead of falling out of clubs and dating horribly inappropriate men

Also, physically speaking, this is the best time time do it (people do seem to gloss over that fact IME) so I’d crack on if I were in your position (personally I would definitely tie the knot first though, for my own security). Good luck!

I think though that the world at 23/24 is very different than the world at 40. I always wanted children young and thought I had done what I wanted to do when I had my eldest at 22, second at 24 and dts at 27. And well, feck me, at 34 there is SO much I want to do when they grow up Sit in peace and quiet
I'll be mid 40s then, plenty time to go galavanting.

I’d say 16-21 is too young, 22-26 is young but based on maturity levels and how things pan out it’s fine, certainly not too young.

Just read your other posts.... you sound more mature than me and I’m 29. I mean really.... it’s your decision OP so if it feels right go for it. Me when I was your age - absolutely not, I struggle at times now and I’m almost 30 😬

It does sound like you’re quite sheltered and don’t have a lot of life experience. But that probably doesn’t matter when you’re stable enough in your finances and relationship to have children.

No such thing as 'the right time. Its just called time. Do what you want to.

I don’t think you are too young at all , providing you are certain of the following:
It is something you both want 100% and not just one of you being sold the idea by the other.
You agree on the practicalities of parenthood such as: Parental leave/future career plans/agreeing on childcare/division of housework/schooling/religion.
You are both fully up for embracing the huge (sometimes totally overwhelming) responsibility of caring for babies and children and how it affects your sleep and spare time.
I hope none of that sounds patronizing. There are plenty of pros for having kids young, especially as you don’t seem limited by money worries. Being young and fit with bags of energy is a plus, and sometimes I think younger parents seem much more fun than I am or my parents ever were. Also you will have lots of time back at the other end. You will know deep down what is right for you. Make sure you spend some time with young families first to be sure! Best of luck!

The only advice you need is your own.

What are these non-graduate jobs where you can pay for a house and all the travelling you want? Seriously?

It is very young

Get married first.

And then have a child when it fits you, not someone else or whatever you are supposed to do.

FWIW, I wouldn’t consider you a baby. I certainly didn’t see myself as a baby at that age lolll

I had my second at 24 and have no regrets.

I’m 37 now and my child has just started secondary school and is becoming more independent so I have more freedom.

Being a younger parent means you have the best of both worlds but that’s just my opinion.

You have to do what is right for you