To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

Absolutely not too young. It may take a year or so to get pregnant. I think 25 is the perfect age. I had my first at 25 and had the perfect pregnancy and birth. I was not too old/tired. Had my last at 33 and felt the difference.

We have been trying for 5 months already with one early loss. so I've certainly accepted that this will take a while. I think when things are right, it will fall into place the way it's supposed to. We will see what happens and let nature take its course 🥰

Having a baby a month and a half before my 25th birthday was young, and I was so naive in regards to many aspects of life.

But, I don't think mid twenties is too young. Not when you're secure in your home and finances and employment, and relationship.

I wasn't secure with a single one of those things.

I'm glad I did it when I did. I've become incredibly disabled and if I had waited, I wouldn't have had children at all.

It's what you and your partner want which matters. I'm lucky enough to have had youth on my side when my health hasn't been.

I'm not sure I would advise having a baby with a man who thought dating a 15 year old at age 18 was appropriate.

You could be fortunate.

Or you could find out at 30 that he's fed up of 'feeling so old' and wants to force the sale of the house so he can travel the world, go out lots, get a job somewhere else, work abroad - or set up with somebody who isn't boring encumbered by children.

I had my eldest at 19. That led to my twenties being spent trying to make ends meet. And, of course, that meant low paid work to fit in with DD, not a career. So when I got to my 30s, I didn't have steady, secure employment and experience, didn't have the right qualifications, didn't have the freedom to go off and study (the by then ex was determined I would stay exactly where it was convenient for him and studying was getting ideas above my station), etc.

Or you could wait, see if he gets twitchy and itchy feet (as could you) and think about it again in a few years. That way, you'll definitely be in a better place in terms of career, job security and emotionally to risk giving it all up for children.

Does he own the house, do you own the house, or do both you own the house, by the way? If it's him, the have a baby but not a marriage could be him wanting to keep it as his alone, rather than risk you being entitled to half of it.

@MyPersona also, I left college at 18 so I have been working and working my way up in the company I'm employed within, for 5 nearly 6 years. X

I'm 53, my mum had me when she was 23 and I have a sister 5 years older than me. My dad is 18m older. They're the best parents ever. I had my babies at 34 and 38, if I'm even close to being as good a parent as they are then I'll consider it a job well done. There is no right age to have a baby, 23 is young but it's not the most ridiculous thing to do. I chose to have my babies later in life and that isn't ridiculous either. I don't know why people have to project their own choices on to others to feel like their choices were valid. Good luck to you, I hope you get what you want.

My parents were 20 and 23 when they had me and my sister. It was the done thing back then.

Now they’re only 70 and have been involved grandparents since our DC were born, something which many parents of people who wait until they’re 35/40 plus to ttc don’t have.

The next generation will be predominantly a grandparentless generation, when I was younger it was fairly uncommon to have great grandparents, next generation it will be uncommon to have grandparents.

And why does the OP need to be experimenting? Experimenting with what exactly? She’s engaged, a home owner, due to be married, just because other people don’t choose that life doesn’t make it wrong that the OP did.

By the time my parents were 40 they were able to do their own thing again and were still in good health to be able to do it. Something which won’t be possible for those who have toddlers at that age.

There is no right age, if you are committed to each other and your shared future, go for it.

I got married at 16. Had my first baby at 17 and so it went on. Best thing I ever did.
It all depends on the person(s) tbh.
I was lucky enough to still have life’s experiences / travel/ career.
If you want babies now, have babies now!

Oh and my mum abc dad will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary next year.

Totally up to you!

But don’t you want to do anything fun with your free time? Travel, enjoy child free activities, lie ins, see friends, go out at the drop of a hat?

I don’t get the rush personally - but each to their own

I wouldn't say you were young. I was 22 when we started ttc and 24 when our eldest was born.

You aren’t too young. Biologically you are doing it at the right age.

The obsession with waiting until you have travelled from people amuses me. On another thread there will be talk about the environmental damage of lots of travel.

Too many people wait until their thirties then discover issues. ( I did wait till my thirties but I didn’t meet anyone till my late 20s). It is a strange middle class attitude that you have to be in your late 20s/early thirties no matter what your circumstances. Biologically it is pushing it.

If you can afford it which you clearly can and you feel ready then do it.

My only concern is as you have been together from a very young age you may grow apart at some point. Pretty much everyone I know that has settled down with people from their school years has split up. But then I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship. Just the only negative I can see.

Married at 24 pregnant straight away on purpose. Do what you feel is right 😀

It's not that young, it's probably a good age for it (from someone who started at 36). I would much rather have had children younger and don't think 23 is too young at all. In my parents day it was quite normal.

@12frogsincoats what a silly thing to say! If you note my original post, I'm almost 24. I was almost 16 when we get together, and I can assure you my fiancé has absolutely nothing but respect for me. We did absolutely nothing together until I was almost 17..

I think its up to the individuals some people want children when they are young others want them when they are older, I don't think there is a right or wrong way. I have had my children young my first at 21, second at 25 and third is on at 26 (will be 27 when I give birth). I always knew I wanted children young and they will all be at our wedding (covid depending) next year.

Honestly, i am so glad I am the age I am.

All this needless validation of myself compared to others In this modern day era.

Do what suits yourselves.

Some will say you are too young others will say it’s fine. MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS

Your thread title said "people", implying that you've had this opinion from more than one person.

If you tell someone you're TTC (and honestly, people probably don't want or need to hear it), you run the risk of getting the opinion of the person you're telling, and it might be an opinion that you don't like.

Rather like starting this thread, you're going to get opinions that you don't really want to hear.

This ^

I don't really understand what you want from this thread.
Yes, you are younger than 'average', but no you are not 'too young''.
No, it's not what I would have prioritised at your age, but I'm not you.
Overwhelmingly people in their early 20s aren't in the financial position you are in. Overwhelmingly people are trying to save up for a deposit at 23, and are not living in a house mortgage free. That obviously puts things in a completely different world from most people.

Still can't get my head round the idea of telling folk you are about to have sex without contraception. Nobody but your partner needs to know that.

@TwylaSands

Get married first.

Do not give up your career or pension contributions at 23. These are the years that count the most to your pension contributions.

And as an aside, id say if you feel the need to say ‘almost’ a different age, then youre too young.

This is such an old fashioned view!! Why does having babies mean giving up either of those things?!?!

It's no one else's business but yours. Have babies now as you are in a great position to. Then you can chill and enjoy turning 40 ish, with freedom for holidays and weekends away as a couple. Winner winner.

Biologically it is not young. Far better now than late 30s. I know why there is a trend for older parenting, but I don't know why people see it as a good thing.

At this rate in the UK more kids are going to grow up not having known a grandparent relationship, just because of society's views. Or they'll be too old to enjoy the grandkids.

Crack on OP and enjoy your children whilst you're young and fertile.

Your not too young... I had my first at 24 & 2nd at 26, I wouldn't change it at all.

If you are ready, you go for it! It's your life, enjoy it!

It’s nobody’s business but yours OP - if you and your partner are happy, ignore what everyone else thinks.