To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

vimtoo

Personally....

I would wait til you were married, thats the same advice i would give my daughter

I met my partner at 17 and we married when we were 21, started ttc at 26

@NeonIcedcoffee I have explained so many times already, we HAVE worked tirelessly but that isn't to say others don't either. Jobs are different and pay is different - these factors are big ones.
I have ALSO said further down and again just now, that it wasn't done all alone. We have been very lucky but that isn't to rub people up the wrong way.

This keeps getting bought up over and over again, when the point of this thread was to ask if it is sensible having a child at 23

But @vimtooo you keep saying you worked hard but then wasn't done by us alone of course & we came into some money so could you have done it without the help & coming into money? Where did you live before buying your home? No shame in help, I've had plenty but it's a very different beast to just working hard.

It's like me saying I worked hard to buy a London property & make a ton of equity. I did but it was irrelevant without help from my parents.

Oh sorry

Didnt even answer the question

I think 24 is young, but I don’t think its that young and i think it really depends on the person, i think some people are more than ready at your age and there are some people who are immature at 30

I agree with PP, get married first though. If not married you need to see a lawyer to make sure you and the child are properly protected.

I don’t think you’re too young at all. People on here give birth in their 40s which imo is way too old! You’ll have the energy to keep up with your kids, your fertility is good at your age and once kids are grown up you’ll have plenty of years left to enjoy life :)

My friend works her arse off as a doctor but the fact she is mortgage free at 35 is largely because she had a trust fund of 1m & she wouldn't disagree.

Jobs are different and pay is different - these factors are big ones.

Of course but there are not many very high paying jobs for younger people. That's a fact.

@laxxy didn't want to have to get into this yet again. We worked for our deposit and a chunk of the mortgage we paid off in advance.
Both DO and I have had a very heartbreaking loss within our family in the last 2 years, and the inheritance from this has gone into the house. This is what the family members we have lost, would have wanted to keep us financially stable and to know we always have somewhere to call home.
This - again - isn't said to brag! I have this home through grief and loss and still we know how very lucky we are.

The fact I'm being undermined for nothing having had enough experience in jobs to be Hugh enough up the job ladder' not going to uni etc is rude, in my opinion.
I have been in the same job since leaving college, and no plans to move on. In this time I've progressed from a call centre agent, to a manager of a large department

"Plenty work "hard" and can barely scrape a deposit after 10 years of low-paid manual labour or nursing or supermarket night shifts."

Just be happy for the OP?? I don't have a mortgage either but I don't live the high life. We are one of the lucky ones. We live within our means. It's a comfort knowing we never need to pay a mortgage again. Depending where you are in the UK, there are many parts where you can buy property cheaply and pay it off fast.

I think what I mean and this is controversial on here, is having kids because you've run out of interesting things to do is just really sad.

I know people have kids for loads of reasons but you're talking about life like a check list. I'm really confused as to how you talk about travelling. It's not about oh I've seen x y and z. You're allowed to go to places and enjoy them multiple times!

Also you said you left college at 18 one thing which is a massive gap is more education. You might be doing well in your career but very few sectors don't value a degree. More education might also open your mind up a bit.

Ultimately you do you. But I think you sound naive. I also think this is telling as you've posted but actually don't want to take anything on board

I'm not trying to take anything away from you, it's the element of working hard that people are taking umbrage with.
I helped save for my deposit by living at home rent free & inheritance also helped. However I recognise that some can't live at home & plenty lose loved ones without any inheritance.

The fact I'm being undermined for nothing having had enough experience in jobs to be Hugh enough up the job ladder' not going to uni etc is rude, in my opinion.

Well done for your progression but I don't think it's rude to say that the majority of well paid jobs require experience & qualifications.

I am taking all views on board. And I appreciate everyone's opinion. I have not ran out of fun things to do, far from it! In normal and allowing times, we are always out and about. What I'm saying, is that we could still do all we do now with our children. I'm merely mentioning that we don't go drinking or partying or clubbing etc because we don't.

Yes I know you can travel and then go back to those places again - we would like to do this with our children.

I bloody hate traveling with my dc 🤣.

We saved for our deposit whilst renting a tiny little one bed place, absolutely tiny and really probably not fit for living in. but we had each other and we had what was important to us. The rent was very cheap, I worked round the corner so I could walk there and back. This enabled us to save a lot of money very quickly.

@blowinahoolie

"Plenty work "hard" and can barely scrape a deposit after 10 years of low-paid manual labour or nursing or supermarket night shifts."

Just be happy for the OP?? I don't have a mortgage either but I don't live the high life. We are one of the lucky ones. We live within our means. It's a comfort knowing we never need to pay a mortgage again. Depending where you are in the UK, there are many parts where you can buy property cheaply and pay it off fast.

I don't care if she has a mortgage or not! But OP seemed bewildered as to why she's getting on people's wick. I think she thought people would be negative about saying the money was inheritance when actually answering how she is mortgage free with "We worked really hard" is worse.

Does it really come as a surprise to people that there are mums, dads, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who paid £50k for a 4 bed detached on one salary and reckon my generation just doesn't work hard enough?

None of this is really relevant to the children question, of course, but I see why she mentioned it.

@hammeringinmyhead not at all, I have said quite far back in this post that it wasn't all our own money! I literally am sick of having to explain myself. If people want to get nasty about my home and living situation then this isn't the right thread.

I think age is largely irrelevant because it depends on how mature and settled someone is.
Some people definitely wouldn't make good parents at 24 but you sound settled and sensible, so definitely not too young if that's what you both want!

I had my two at 30 and 35 because I didn't feel particularly ready before that but I'm unlikely to be blessed with any grandchildren probably for another ten years (if ever!) and so on hindsight, I'd have preferred to have had my children younger.

Good luck!

I had my DD at 24 and I dont regret it for a second. She is now almost at college and does a cracking job babysitting her younger siblings when me and her Dad go out boozing haha.

vimtoo I personally don't think you are too young. You've achieved what you've wanted in life so far so why shouldn't the next step be starting a family.

I had just turned 18 when I had my first and 40 when I had my 5th. Age has never been an issue for me. Go for it, it's nobody else's business.

I was 20 when I fell pregnant with DD, I finished uni when she was 10 weeks old. I knew straight away I would put my career plans on hold and work part time for the forseeable. I spent my youth partying 4-5nights a week so I definitely don’t miss it and don’t feel like I missed out. We wasn’t in the best place financially with DD but 2.5yrs down the line we are now in a lovely 3 bedroom house and I was due to start my post grad in January. However im not pregnant with DC2 and plan on delaying my course and enjoying the baby years again with this one.

I feel strongly that having kids done and dusted by the time I’m 25 is great for me, they will both be in school by the time I’m 30 which means I’m young enough to come back to my career and young enough to enjoy some of the pre baby freedoms. My mum is an older mum and personally growing up I hated it (although we are very close). It’s your decision and tbh you are more secure than many older mums, go for it! I’d be knackered and a zombie if I waited till my mid 30s etc, my experience is truly positive!

OMG OP you are getting some right shit on this thread. My Dad passed away when I was 22 so I had a huge inheritance and it really made a difference to having my daughter. Financial stability is a huge thing and really makes a difference. Yes it might be hard to begin with but in the last 4 years I have done a degree and a MA all because my kids were old enough to let me work.

You don't need to justify your decision to have a baby. It's a personal choice.

It's hard to answer the question of if you're 'too young'. I know people who had them young who are very happy and I know others who now with hindsight say they wished they had waited a bit longer. I don't think it's possible to predict how you might feel in say 10 years time though as so many other factors can influence how happy and content people feel with how their life is going.

It sounds like you are in a secure position with housing and jobs which is a great place to be when starting a family.

At the end of the day it's your choice. Doesn't matter what others think. I had my first at 23. Family member decided to wait until the "perfect" time and ended up going into early menopause at 30. Big regrets.

You sound like you are in a settled place in life and in a good position to raise a child. Go for it.

I left education at 18, and now when my daughter has just started school I've begun a degree. It's really good timing to study. Works around the school run and school holidays, and will hopefully open up to more job opportunities afterwards.

There isnt one right order for doing life in, and there's plenty of good reasons for wanting to have children when you are younger.

Oh and when you say that you work hard, take that to mean that you try to be responsible, and not that you deserve more than other people. I dont know why people on mumsnet put the worst interpretation on things.

You know what OP? On this thread with some people it doesn’t matter what you do, you’re in the wrong. Don’t know if it’s jealousy or people desperate to feel superior, or a mixture of both.

At 23 I personally was not ready to have children, but, it very much sounds like you are; so go for it