To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

Ignore them. TTC isnt straight forward for some people and might take a while to happen ( Hopefully not the case) me and my oh started TTC at 23/24 and suffered with infertility. We had 4 rounds of IVF and had our twins at 31.
I think aslong as you're in a happy stable relationship and are stable financially then it's your choice completely..wishing you lots of luck and baby dust 💕

@MoonJelly I never said I'm never going to travel again! We love to travel and will definitely be doing it when we have children so that they can experience the same as we have.
It's true - we have seen a lot of the world but of course not all of it! There's always somewhere to travel to! We won't ever just stop!

Haven't RTFT but have read all your posts OP. I think you have a very balanced attitude and I think your age is absolutely fine to ttc. Surprised anyone would say otherwise. Sorry to hear about your loss, wishing you luck going forward.

@Savourysenorita

Ignore. Youre 23. It's not that young to have a baby!!! I think you'll get some jealous responses from people that had babies at say late thirties or 40s and wished they were your age.

What about the ones who did it then or earlier and think it's not a good idea, though?

I don't think 23/26 is particularly young to be ttc in a secure situation such as yours. You have a home and a secure relationship. Don't let others stop you making your own decisions about your own family.

As I said you’re solvent,happy and both want a baby, go for it

My son and his gf fell pregnant when they were both 18, 19 when baby was born. She’s 14 today, they’re married, both got good jobs, bought their house, had their second at 23.
Ignore all the naysayers. You do you. Life is really too short to live it for other people.

You aren't too young, its your life and you know what you want. Also like you said you can travel with children. My favourite holidays have been with my daughter. I hate when people say children stop you doing things. Xx

The only thing I would say is have you had a holiday or two with just the two of you? That is something I missed once our family had started. If you haven't I would consider whether you wanted one more special trip somewhere before you ttc.

"@Notnownotneverever yes we have :) we have been to Cuba, Mexico where we got engaged, Dominican, Jamaica, Thailand etc and short haul all on our own. We haven't actually ever been on holiday with friends as we like going together 😌🥰

Oh my goodness no... i think you are at a good age! Especially since you've been together for so long and you both have a place to live and money by the sounds of things.... but at the same time i will say that you do have plenty of time left if you want to get some last holidays in!? ... me and my partner have been together for 9 years and we are both 29.. we (I) have fell pregnant this year with our first baby and we are so happy!! We weren't trying necessarily and personally id have waited another couple of years as im finishing uni (mature student) but will carry this on hopefully all being well... perosnally i wouldn't say you're too young if this is what you both really want now.. but again like I say, im very happy with our age (29)

Waiting ages to have babies is a modern thing. I have friends who were TTC at your age, mostly the put together organised ones that had jobs etc sorted. You never know how long it will take so if it feels right, for for it. (Although if I were you since you're not against any biological clock I'd be very tempted to wait until there is less chance of giving birth during kickdown!)

You're crazy. You'll never ever have this chance again to be young, carefree and just travel and enjoy married life, have an adventure, get a career. The second you;re a mum, your life is no longer about your own needs and wants. Don;t rush
But not everyone wants to travel or to have adventure.
I have known many people that have wanted to have children early so the children are adults while the parents are still relatively young.
I know lots if others who have trained for a career while the kids were little.
Our service manager is managing 4 teams and us a grandmother if two at46.
My friend is about to retire at 55 as a mental health trainer and has had a fabulous career, a second house in France and is a grandmother of 3. Her own children are 34 and 33.
Your life is not over having kids at your age ( which isn't particulaly young anyway!)
And if you don't want a career, so what, thats fine as well.

I was pregnant at 18 and he's now 20 years old. Yes it was hard but having a baby is hard at any age. I'm 38 now and have travelled to places I wouldn't have appreciated at 18 and I'm still young enough to do a lot more. You sound sensible and mature and you are lucky to be in a good place financially. Don't listen to anyone else, the decision is yours and you are the one who has to bring up any children you should have, when others start paying your bills then give them an opinion 😉

I would say it is none of their business.

I had two children by 23. They were well cared for and the house was clean and tidy. DS1 when he started school was the best reader in his class. I took them swimming. DS1 started learning to sail just before he was 3. Both boys learnt to ride at 3. I had another boy by 28 and later on a daughter. My children have grown up to be kind, responsible adults with lots of friends. They seem happy which to me is the most important. They are all working. Two have been to University.

Some people are more mature than others. It might be wise to wait until you are married as it does give you some security. Perhaps things will be better by Summer. I am sorry you had to cancel your wedding so disappointing for you. The choice is yours though.

Oh also like you OP I had a nice busy life but - my life since DS came along is so much better. I would have waited a few extra years (not because I'm too young, just for career reasons) but now I can't help but be grateful for the extra few years of having him in my life.

@Cornishmumofone

You are still quite young. I'd recommend waiting until you're married for the security that will give you.

What security?

If that's what you want and you're sure OP go for it.

You're lucky to be in a stable financial position being mortgage free at such a young age. There are plenty of benefits to having children young. The main downside of course is financial but you're in a good position so if you feel ready then I don't see the issue.

Yes it probably is young but I’m 24 with 2 children and I love my life now, I’ll love it even more when I’m sipping pornstars on a beach in my 40s and not chasing a toddler!
If it’s what you want then do it, no one else’s opinion matters.

Kids at 23, they'll be independent by the time you're 43. You've still got heaps of living then. I think it's a good idea.

My only reservation is the childhood sweetheart thing. I have two friends it's worked for, but they're in the minority. Eventually, IME, one party starts to wonder what they've missed out on and it doesn't end well.

I was married at 22, bought a house and had DD at 23 - No regrets, although being pregnant in a pandemic was pants! You do what you feel is right for you OP

24 is young but not that young. I'm a bit agog that you've seen all the places and done all the things you want as well as paying off your mortgage at that age. At 24 I was just qualified as was dh and we had just met and felt like we were setting out on the big adventure- not ready to settle down and rear children. But that is me. thank god we are all different. Dh's mum had him at just 24. my mum had me at 34. I had my first at 31. my sister had hers at 28. there isn't one right answer.

The one thing I do think is it isn't "people" who think you shouldn't ttc. It is one person whom you respect and love very much. I would normally ignore what people said but if someone who matters very much to me gave that comment I would not be frustrated but interested in finding out why this person - who is someone close to you - thinks like that.

If it’s the right time for you and you feel ready screw them, it’s absolutely non of thier business. Too many people getting up in others business. Years ago no one would have batted an eyelid about this, now it seems to bee all the rage to have kids after 30.

No you are not too young. If the time is right for both of you, then go for it. It really is nobody else's business. It sounds like financially you are both in a good place. At least you will still be young when you child/ren is/are older. I had my kids at 34 and 37 but only because I met my DP (after a failed marriage) at almost 32. There are lots of benefits to having children younger, just as there are if you leave it until you are older.

What a difference 50 years make, when I hadn't podded by the time I was 28, having been married for 8 years, people thought that was very odd! I overheard a bit of a discussion between my mother and MIL in which my Mother said, Humph, they're enjoying themselves too much!