To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

@vimtooo

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

I think your focus should be on having fun for a while as it seems like you haven’t. Also, marriage isn’t just a peace of paper - it will give you legal protection if things breakdown. Get that first

I'm honestly so confused by the comments stating that I've not had fun yet. Maybe because I said im not into drinking / clubbing and partying 🥴🤣 I've had time doing that and honestly I just don't drink, out of choice. So clubbing and late nights etc really isn't my scene.
I have a great circle of friends, some of which are mums already (no this hasn't influenced my decision) and we go out lots and do different things.
I have traveled to many amazing places, again not many people my age have ever had this opportunity so I am eternally grateful that I have.

I have a really fun and action packed life and couldn't wish for more! Definitely far from boring!

@CatRamsey

Haven't rtft but everyone saying 23 is too young can fuck right off.

There is no right age. I started TTC when I was 20 and when it didn't work was going to fertility treatments between 21-22 years old.

Not all 20-somethings want to be boozing it up and parting. You say live your life first? Ever considered that being a mother is how some people want to live their life.

Have your opinions sure, but don't go saying that 23 is point blank too young.

Its not about being too young. It’s about having fun - OP isn’t like the majority of young people her age. She seems to have worked very hard from a very young age to get her finances sorted - bet that wasn’t fun. A couple of years spent getting married or travelling when the restrictions ease isn’t going to harm her and may enrich their mental health before they try for a baby at a single young age of 25-26.

To add - we want to get married, we had a date booked that was sadly cancelled due to Covid. Beyond our control. I understand the legal connotations of marriage and why it is important.

It's physically the prime time to have a baby and if your circumstances are right then absolutely!

It's up to you but surely you can think of something more interesting to do with you're 20s?

That's a genuinely sad thing to read.

Some of these posts are mumsnet at its hypocritical finest.
Questions about the size of ops house, what the grandparents roles will be, what school the dc will attend, what job she does, sage advice about the trip to the Maldives op wasn't even aware she wants but apparently needs to tick of her bucket list pre dc. It would be funny if it wasn't for the fact anyone happy with their own choices wouldn't be desperately trying to treat op like a 12yr old to convince themselves of that fact.

I think it would be a long and fruitless search if anyone attempted to find the same questions and advice posted to someone considering parenthood in their 30's/ early 40's.

I was pregnant with my first when I was 24, now expecting our fourth ten years later. 24 is not young, it’s a great age to start a family. There are so many positives to being younger and you are in a long-term relationship and have a secure home. I felt it was a strange age to have kids as all other mums either seemed much younger than me or much older but I’d never change anything. If my daughter got pregnant at 24 in your circumstances I would be excited for her.

@vimtooo the good thing about having babies at your age is that you’ll be able to have more fun once they are grown up.

Perfect timing imo

I had my eldest when I was 24. She's now 11, and I also have a 6 year old. I'm at uni doing a second degree as I wanted to change careers.

It's a massive cliche, but age is a number, it's maturity that makes the difference. Bollocks to anyone who says you're too young.

Don't listen to people who tell you to get married (unless you want to), but do think about legal protections if you're not married. And don't listen to people who tell you you have to keep working. It's your choice. If you want a kid, have one.

This is an eye opener as I was completely ready to start a family aged 25 (was married, had senior role that I wanted at work, secure home, dog (!) ) and had first at 26, second at 29 and third at 32. I was the best Mum for my young kids as I was full of beans, enthusiastic, could cope on all the interrupted nights and was able to juggle 3 kids, part time job and the home and studied for a second career that I continue to do (self employed to work child friendly hours) in my 40's.

I'm so surprised that people on here have been so quick to judge & react and makes me wonder what people thought of me and my situation!

I've not regretted a single thing- nor has my DH. It was absolutely the right thing to have our children when we did.

Best of luck, op!

Get married, OP. Get married before you even start trying.

The age thing is neither here nor there- you’re over 16, it’s legal, it’s your choice. But as someone who had a baby (at 28) with no legal protection and is now fighting for even minimal support...

Get married.

You’re almost 24 so assuming TTC doesn’t take too long you’ll likely have your first baby at 25.

Honestly I don’t see 25 as abnormally young to be having a first baby at all. I don’t think many people I know in real life would consider a first baby at 25 as anything to comment on either.

I can also completely understand why some wish to start their families in their 20s. Not everybody wants to wait until their late 30s for a baby- there are pros and cons both ways.

Tbh on mumsnet you do often get the opinion that anything under 30 is ‘too young’ to have a baby but I really don’t think it reflects what most people in real life think.

You sound very grounded, mature and realistic. 23/24 may sound young for this generation to have children but it is nothing out of the ordinary for previous generations. You sound to me like you’ve done a lot of the things you want you do and that are ready for settling down and committing to family life.

My own MIL was 24 when she had my husband and it has been lovely to have a young grandparent for our children. I have never heard her expressing regret at having children young.

If I’d had my time again I would have my kids younger. Depending on finances (and in your situation) I’d get married first though.

I'm not answering any further questions about my home, job or my circumstances any more, thanks for those that have been supportive. Feeling quite deflated and saddened to read some of the things I have on here but then I suppose that's to be expected when posting publicly

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. If you want children when you’re young then go for it, it’s nothing to do with anyone else. Good luck

You're not too young to be TTC if that's what you both want.
But I'd want the security of marriage first. Covid does NOT stop you getting married. It only stops you having a big party, and you can have that later.

Hi OP, I know it's easy to absorb and respond to the negative comments but I promise not everyone on MN thinks this way about young mums!

You seem very well-rounded and capable, and you have a lot of footing behind you that will help you (whether things go well or not, though I hope they will). Absolutely try for a baby if it's what you and your fiance want. Remember MN is a very niche percentage of the world and I don't think it's unfair to say that these views would not / will not be voiced to you in public by strangers. I wish you the best of luck xx

@vimtooo please don’t be disheartened.

I think it’s a great decision and I so wish I’d been in a position to do the same.

Ignore. Youre 23. It's not that young to have a baby!!! I think you'll get some jealous responses from people that had babies at say late thirties or 40s and wished they were your age.

@NeonIcedcoffee

It's up to you but surely you can think of something more interesting to do with you're 20s?

What a shame you feel that way. Having children is by far the most interesting thing I've ever done. I'm only sorry I didn't have them when I was in my early 20s, as I'd now be early 40s with years ahead of me to do other things!

My dm thought I was 'older' at 27 & 28 😂

I think it's a bit sad that you both feel you have done all the travelling you want. The world is an absolutely wonderful place and, at 23, there is no way you have seen even a representative sample
They can travel with kids. And when the kids are grown up. Airlines allow children.

Not the point, @Mmn654123. OP said "We have done most of the holiday and sight seeing that we have wanted to do ". I quite agree that they can spend the next 60 years travelling, but what I found sad was that she effectively said she wasn't going to because she'd done virtually all of it already.

You're crazy. You'll never ever have this chance again to be young, carefree and just travel and enjoy married life, have an adventure, get a career. The second you;re a mum, your life is no longer about your own needs and wants. Don;t rush.

@vimtooo don’t feel disheartened, mumsnet is definitely not reflective of real life at all. In reality nobody I know would class pregnant at 24 as ridiculously young, in fact I’d say most people I know begin their families around the 26/27 mark (and most of these are married, secure homes and jobs)

What mumsnet would consider the ‘normal’ age for having a baby would probably be what a lot of people in real life would see as on the older side to start a family.