To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

We got together when we were 15 and 17, first child at 22 / 24.

Now late 50s with three kids and two grandchildren. Wouldn't change a thing. We had plenty of time when they all left home to do stuff we didn't do in our 20s, and we're young enough to enjoy our grown-up children and grandchildren, hopefully for many years.

There are nor absolute rights or wrongs. YOU decide, and don't let other people put you off.

You don't realise how young you are when you're 23.

I would advise you to get married first so you have the stable base.

Haven't rtft but everyone saying 23 is too young can fuck right off.

There is no right age. I started TTC when I was 20 and when it didn't work was going to fertility treatments between 21-22 years old.

Not all 20-somethings want to be boozing it up and parting. You say live your life first? Ever considered that being a mother is how some people want to live their life.

Have your opinions sure, but don't go saying that 23 is point blank too young.

Had my first at 23 and don't regret a thing. I often feel a bit sad when I hear people talk about all the 'fun' and 'living life' I SHOULD have been doing before having kids. To me (and I appreciate this is a personal opinion), life is considerably more enjoyable with my daughter in it.

At the end of the day, it's completely your decision. If you're both ready and it's financially sensible (which it sounds like it is) then it's just down to personal preference as to when you TTC. The only opinion that matters in this is your own.

If you feel ready for a baby then why does it matter what any1 else thinks I was 21 when had ds and 29 for dd if I could of done anything different I would of had dd when was younger maybe 23/24.

I dont think you are too young to start TTC. I was 24 when I got pregnant with my DD and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Ignore people who say this. You're in a good relationship, financially stable and you both want this- those are wonderful circumstances to have a child in.

My sister was pregnant at 23, with her first being born at 24 and she's such an amazing mum.

It always makes me laugh when people say young parents are losing out on exploring the world etc. Not everyone wants that or has the privilege to afford that lifestyle in their 20's anyway. Your 20's aren't the only decade where you can experience the world!

We're now ttc in our 30's and facing fertility problems, I wish we'd started trying sooner.

I was 24 when I had my first dc, wasnt ttc (quite a surprise!) I had some comments about being young mum (with the head tilt and sympathy 🙄) and it made me feel shit.

If you feel ready, then why not.
(I do however wish I'd had chance to travel and do a few other things before I had DC, but I hadn't decided I was 'ready' when I became pregnant iycwim)

People will judge you in life no matter what you do. Please don’t worry about them all that matters is yours and your partners thoughts.

I empathise OP. I went through IVF at 24 when DH was 25 and people kept telling me I was too young to be trying to get pregnant despite the 2 years of TTC prior to the IVF. If you're settled, financially stable and in a loving relationship then crack on. I'm very happy being a younger parent, even if people like to pass comment.

Get married them have a baby.
I don't think you are too young. Only you will know when you're ready for a baby.

You are young, and perhaps your careers could boost some more before you take a bit of a break for children. But I’m not sure I buy the “irresponsible/immature” suggestion! You’ve managed mortgage free at an age half of us haven’t even considered mortgages yet’, so kudos for that!

I don't see the problem. There's nothing wrong with your age.
Just roll your eyes and live your own life.
Just remember everyone is a critic when it comes to judging other people lives.

I had mine late, glad I did as we lived a great life and had so much energy before kids.
I can’t imagine being with the boyfriend I had at 15 now, we’re both very different people now. You sound as though you’ve had a sheltered life, or maybe given up?

To be fair to OP you can travel with dc, we've managed to live in two foreign countries with ours.

Also although I'm happy we waited until we were 30 to ttc we did run into totally unexpected difficulties so I'm glad we didn't wait too long.

You are young, but not necessarily TOO young.

I was 35 and then 39 when we had our kids and bloody hell it’s exhausted me. Now in our 40s with 2 young kids and definitely don’t have the energy we had in our 20s!

We couldn’t have had them younger due to our circumstances but in some ways I wish it had been possible.

@lalafafa I'm not sure what you mean to say by either of those comments.. I have had anything but a sheltered life, it's just I know what I want from life now, and would rather have the energy later on in life when I need it more, than now. But again, each to their own and I understand varying reasons for having children young or slightly older.

Giving up? Certainly not.

We were 16/24 when we got together, Pregnant at 23/32 and now have a lovely 2 year old. I couldn't have imagined waiting any longer, we had one early miscarriage when we first started trying but that was the right age for us! We were home owners but not married (and still not), so honestly OP go for it! Only you and your DP know you are ready

I would have given that advice ore kids

However

At 40 myself, I can see the positives in having kids younger (it’s not like your 16!) and if you have one by say 24, by the time they’re adults you’ll only be early 40’s and then you can live the rest of your life. Go travel/holidays etc without worrying about them.

I had my first at 27 and I’m pleased I did as before I’m mid 40’s they’ll be adults and I can do my own stuff etc...

(Saying that were TTC at the min abd I’m aware I’ll be 60 by then time this one is an adult 😂)

Who cares what people think. The only bad points for having kids young is the lack of stability often (ie don’t own your own home etc but actually you do)

Last thing- by the tine you conceive it could take up to a year so you could be about 25 before you have a baby!!

It's up to you but surely you can think of something more interesting to do with you're 20s?

Of course you’re not too young.

I don’t really know anyone who had children that young but that’s because I’m in a career that involves a long degree and years of training. It’s perfectly normal for people with careers requiring less training to start earlier.

If marriage is important I would not have a baby before that. It was important to us and so TTC was simply not on the cards until we were married.

@lalafafa what a ridiculous comment to make. Yes every one is different to who they were when they were 15 but that's the point of being together and changing and growing together. All these older couples now that have been together 60/70 years and they were 17 when they got married, I'm sure they are different people now but I'm sure they didn't live a sheltered life

@NeonIcedcoffee fair enough but I've experienced more in my teens and 20's than many people my age will have. (yes I am appreciative and grateful for this) and so I dont feel this way at all.

I've just read through most of this thread and I'm shocked at a lot of people's comments. I don't understand why people are saying you need to be married first, you've said your name is on the mortgage and you've got a good job so even if you were left on your own you'd be ok, maybe not mortgage free but you'd be at least half way there with a good job to pay the rest. I'm sorry to hear you miscarried, I hope you're ok. You come across as a very grounded, sensible person in a very fortunate position and I'm sure you'd make a great mum. People have opinions no matter what your age or circumstance from the moment you conceive, just ignore them! My only advice would be to join an antenatal class when you do get pregnant and only because I met some of my friends there xx

YANBIU. A great age to have babies.

I’m an old mum, but my best friend at baby group was 21 and boy did I envy her!

Good luck