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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset for finding this out on Facebook?

153 replies

Greycloudofdoom · 20/11/2020 09:04

I found out my best friend is pregnant through her Facebook post. She’s 12 weeks. She was one of the first people I told when I was expecting, and she’s my sons godmother. I haven’t and won’t say to her I’m a bit upset, but AIBU to be a bit miffed? I just thought she thought more of me than to let me find out at the same time as 500 others..

OP posts:

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/11/2020 09:09

She probably didn't want to create a hierarchy of who finds out when and decided to tell everyone at the same time.

It doesn't take away from the fact that it's lovely news.

GooseberryTart · 20/11/2020 09:10

Is this her first baby? Everyone is different maybe she and her partner wanted ‘a big announcement’ rather than each telling people in ‘dribs and drabs’ and people finding out at different times (especially if they are following the rules and not seeing anyone face to face). Just be pleased for your friends good news in these times rather than taking it so personally.

LongPauseNoAnswer · 20/11/2020 09:10

Your reaction is probably the very reason she posted on Facebook for everyone all at the same time.

aeiouaeiouaeiou · 20/11/2020 09:10

Would you have preferred a text just to you or a phone call? Just because you did it differently doesn't mean to say she has to. For all you know she may have set her audience to just some friends. Don't be too precious about it. Let it go.

Lobelia123 · 20/11/2020 09:18

I think you need to relax a bit....its her baby and her life and she has made a different choice for how she'll share the news. Just because its different from the way you did it, doesn't make it wrong. you don't have any rights to priority knowledge - she probably wanted to avoid the minefield of parents, in laws, family, colleagues etc and did a general announcement and is looking forward to all the excitement of one on one conversations. Its about her, not about you and what you think youre entitled to. Be happy for her and dont get worked up about small things that there may well be a reason for. You sound a bit high maintenance to be honest!

tyrannosaurustrip · 20/11/2020 09:21

I think that's fair enough. Close friends of ours announced their pregnancy on facebook and I was really surprised to see it scrolling through - we'd met them for lunch the day before, my husband ended up being godfather. In their case, I think they only told immediate family then put it on facebook. We rang lots of people and ultimately never put it online until she was born (think I was tagged in a photo v pregnant).

I understand why you might be miffed. The thing is, I think you need to just be happy and you might find out the reason for it being on facebook at a later date.

romeolovedjulliet · 20/11/2020 09:22

it's obvious you are disappointed but it is easier to do it like she has, i don't have fb etc but if it was around when i had dc i would have done it like that because some people would feel put out that they weren't the first to know. just keeps things simple rather than making a mental list of who we need to call.

OfTheNight · 20/11/2020 09:27

It’s kind of up to her. You chose how you wanted to share the news, she chose her way. I doubt she did it to be mean to you. Plus it’ll be a joint decision between her and her partner, so they’ve probably made a decision they’re both happy with.

Lizadork · 20/11/2020 09:36

I've found out about family new life and family new death on facebook, so situation technically could be worse. What likely hurts is this symbolizing for you that friend is not as close to you as you thought. Likely not the case but ok to feel that way. Sometimes what is significant for one person is not significant in the same way for others.

Hugosmugo · 20/11/2020 09:40

One of my good friends did this. Well her partner put it up. I was honestly a bit surprised to see it on there but it is just the way they did it. She told me soon after he was born before it went on fb. And we are incredibly close, I will be walking down the aisle with him at her wedding. Honestly some people just announce differently.

Hugosmugo · 20/11/2020 09:42

Equally, I have a few different very close friends (from different paths in life) and one of my closest friends told me the day of her 12 week scan whereas I know when I'm pregnant I will tell her very early on. It is just how different people choose to do things

Blondiney · 20/11/2020 09:47

Her baby is not about you. Be happy for her.

Calcifer12 · 20/11/2020 09:51

I always find these posts ridiculously precious.

She would probably have to phone around to 30 odd people if she was to tell all close friends and family.

Bluntness100 · 20/11/2020 09:52

Gosh op this is a bit self absorbed and entitled. It’s not about you.

thecatsthecats · 20/11/2020 09:55

@Lizadork

Not necessarily.

All the OP knows is that her friend doesn't ascribe the same actions to important people as she does.

To the OP, being important in someone's life means telling them specific things first. It doesn't logically follow that her friend doesn't find her important because she doesn't behave in exactly the same way.

You go through life with either a lot of pain, or a lot of boring people who are exactly the same as you if you fail to understand that.

JammyGem · 20/11/2020 09:59

Does she have a large family? We told our parents over the phone when I was pregnant with DD, but I have such a large family that, even though I'm close to most of them, I didn't want to create a "hierachy" of who was told first. My aunt also has the habit of sending mass texts or posting on Facebook herself whenever there is family news, so it was easier for us to just announce to everyone at the same time on Facebook.

PaperTowels · 20/11/2020 10:06

I would be upset about that too.

Chloemol · 20/11/2020 10:11

Just be grateful she announced it. Someone I thought was my best friend didn’t tell me she was pregnant, I turned up to visit ( doesn’t live near me, we spoke a lot via phones ) and there was a three month old baby

WhySoSensitive · 20/11/2020 10:11

Couldn’t get worked up about it, it’s a quick and effective way to ensure the news is out there and no one ‘gets told first’
I told my best friend after my 12 week scan and she was upset I didn’t tell her as soon as I found out.
It’s my news not hers.

Meowchickameowmeow · 20/11/2020 10:12

You are being unreasonable to be miffed, the way she relays her news is up to her. How you react to it is up to you but it's rather childish and precious IMO to be upset.

BojoKilledMyMojo · 20/11/2020 10:13

I think its really sad that the most important thing doesn't seem to be being happy for her but being disappointed for yourself.

Strange.

Ultimately its entirely up to each individual how they choose to share their own news.

AfterSchoolWorry · 20/11/2020 10:13

Are you sure you are her best friend?

Perhaps she doesn't feel she is?

VivaMiltonKeynes · 20/11/2020 10:14

@Greycloudofdoom I completely understand where you are coming from with this !

Pyewhacket · 20/11/2020 10:19

Why are so many people struggling with life?

This is way. Social media is a curse.

Pyewhacket · 20/11/2020 10:20

this is why , sorry typo

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