To be upset for finding this out on Facebook?

[Greycloudofdoom]

I found out my best friend is pregnant through her Facebook post. She’s 12 weeks. She was one of the first people I told when I was expecting, and she’s my sons godmother. I haven’t and won’t say to her I’m a bit upset, but AIBU to be a bit miffed? I just thought she thought more of me than to let me find out at the same time as 500 others..

She might not have the energy to tell everyone seperately. Have you asked her how she is feeling?

I honestly couldn’t give a shiny shit.
When my good friend got engaged she just put it on Facebook as texting/calling everyone was a big job and she couldn’t be arsed. More power to her I say!

I told my dad first, before 12 weeks.
He promptly went and put it all over Facebook. We fell out for a little while as i was shitting myself DC wouldn't stay put, Luckily pregnancy became DS.
If I were to get pregnant again, you bet nobody would get "priority" information, and quite honestly, I wouldn't expect anyone to really be overly bothered. My baby, my family, my life.

YABU, she owes you nothing, you did it your way. She did it her way, try and put your hurt to one side and be happy for her, or decide you're not that bothered. Either one will do.

Maybe she’s not your BFF anymore.

YAB massively U

You have seen it, so it worked, you were told!

Now if she really is your friend, you like the post, and more importantly you message her privately to congratulate her.

That's how it works.

@NoProblem123

Maybe she’s not your BFF anymore.

But there's no reason to think that. As @thecatsthecats said up the thread, all we can infer from this is that the OP and her friend have made different decisions about announcing their pregnancies.

I was the birth partner for one of my closest friends, and she told me as soon as she was pregnant -- her son is my godson. I didn't tell her I was pregnant until I was 19 weeks.

YABU. Get a grip.

I found out my sister had given birth to my first niece or nephew through Facebook. Her text she sent me in the middle of the night didn't reach me until after, as there was a problem with the mobile network. Not nice for me, but it was nobody's fault.

Her pregnancy is not about you

The usual cavalier responses.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, it's pretty usual to share major life events with the people you love first, and then update the world via social media as a secondary after thought.

YANBU

Her pregnancy is not about you

Nailed it.

I didn't tell anyone (not even my mum) I was pregnant until 12 weeks, don't overthink it. It was in case anything went wrong. My mum was furious haha

Do you know what, I'd never tell anyone before announcing officially (apart from my parents perhaps) because it pisses me off when people comment stuff like 'so glad I can finally congratulate you publicly!!' on their Facebook posts - just to make sure everyone knows they knew first.

Other people's pregnancies are about them, not you.

@AfterSchoolWorry

Are you sure you are her best friend?

Perhaps she doesn't feel she is?

I’m afraid I would feel this way too. In fact I did when this happened to me.

My friend was the first person I told I was pregnant after my IVF positive test. I told her about 2 mins after I had the phone call (my DH was there for the call).

She told me she was pregnant at 14 weeks. She’d already told everyone at work (we worked together at the time) a few weeks beforehand.

I was so happy for her of course.

But I was also really sad about what it said about our friendship. It was the beginning of the end and we no longer speak. We had no falling out, just stopped contacting each other a few years later.

YABU OP, but it's understandable that you're a bit miffed by it. People just make different choices.

I'm not a big announcement person and have had an MC before so when the time comes we'll probably wait until the 12 week scan to tell the majority (including family) individually, but I might tell my best friend earlier as I see her weekly and it'd be hard to hide - she'd then know before our parents who live in other countries. It is what it is.

Just be happy for her. It's her moment, don't taint her happy times with your disappointment.

@GoldfishParade

The usual cavalier responses.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, it's pretty usual to share major life events with the people you love first, and then update the world via social media as a secondary after thought.

YANBU

back in the real world, some of us don't have "the world" on their social media and actually use it to inform people, including the ones you love.

I do call my mum and grand-mother, but everyone else is just as happy with social media.

Back in the real world, people are not that precious that they prefer a copy & paste message to a general post on social media when they actually care about you.

*to add, I also tell DH face-to-face especially the pregnancy news

The world is quite different at the moment, as you may have noticed. We can't meet up with each other as easily if at all and a lot more comms have to be done remotely - and it's exhausting. More so in that first trimester. Please be generous and don't make this about you at all. She's done what she can, what she wanted to do, and it's entirely up to her to share the news how she pleases with zero pressure from people who think of themselves as her friends. Presumably you did what you wanted and made her your son's godmother because you wanted that, not for any expectation of reciprocation. Just be happy for her, genuinely, and focus on your own DC.

YABVVVVVU! It's HER news, HER choice and HER life. Please don't try and make this about you.

My DH and I announced our engagement on Facebook because we felt it was easier and less self-indulgent than ringing everyone individually. They took it personally and ignored our engagement and now can't work out why we are NC. Don't let the same thing happen to your friendship. Be the better person and see past yourself.

i get how you feel, I had what i thought was a close friend, and we used to meet up locally at the pub once a week or 2, she started to put me off, and then was always 'driving' - then she told me at 12 weeks.

I was actually hurt, all the time she had been a bit off, and i would have hoped that if something had happened, i would have been close enough to help if needed. I just felt from there, we obviously weren't as close as i thought we were.

Sure she doesn't owe you anything to tell you before, but you're not as close as you thought you were.

Its not about being first to know, its more there was something she was holding back from you.

If i hadn't had it with my (close?) friend, i would not have understood how you are feeling

I'm surprised at all these responses. It's a huge event in her life, I'd have thought it would be natural to share that news with her best friend before telling the rest of the world. YANBU OP, and it doesn't mean you're not happy for her or excited about her having a baby, nor are you implying that her pregnancy is about you - it's normal to expect your best friend to want to tell you something like this. I'd have felt the same if my best friend had put an announcement on Facebook without telling me first. She phoned me as soon as she'd taken the test and her DH phoned my DH (they're best friends too) but we were sworn to secrecy.

Sometimes we make problems where none exist.
Just call her and tell her how happy you are.
If you react any other way then your not a true friend

I was actually hurt, all the time she had been a bit off, and i would have hoped that if something had happened, i would have been close enough to help if needed. I just felt from there, we obviously weren't as close as i thought we were.

It's sad, you are turning everything about YOU whilst she was probably very anxiously waiting for the relative safety of the 12 weeks. And you cannot know in advance if you will need space or help if something happens.

Question though is, when is it ok to tell the world something via social media and when isn’t it? Because there does still need to be a line IMO and we need to be careful that our relationships and interactions with others haven’t become so impersonal that we reduce them to finding out everything about one another on facebook.

My BIL told everyone on FB when SIL was pregnant, to the extent that because some family weren’t on there, he deleted anyone who knew them so they could create the illusion they were telling them first, which they did, several weeks later, and much longer after their friends from all over (some of them in the virtual world) had been told.

Fair enough with a pregnancy, however when SIL died BIL had announced it on facebook within minutes and before he’d even collected the DC from school. ILs and eXH were there at the time and they had no idea that he’d put it on FB until another family member told them. My DC found out through FB before their dad had had a chance to tell them.

Now that IMO is bad. You will never convince me otherwise.

I am amazed how many needy and self-centred "friends" need to feel they are part of a special bubble and that they must be on top of some imaginary hierarchy.

That's not friendship.

And by experience, these are the least reliable people. I've found over the years that some people are your friends, and the bond exist even when you find yourself at opposite sides of the world.
Others only know you if you are close enough but forget or are no longer interested if they don't see you all the time.

Maybe reassess why you think you can't have a real friendship without your friend having to reassure you about your "special" friend level at all time? School days should be a long way behind you...