To be upset for finding this out on Facebook?

[Greycloudofdoom]

I found out my best friend is pregnant through her Facebook post. She’s 12 weeks. She was one of the first people I told when I was expecting, and she’s my sons godmother. I haven’t and won’t say to her I’m a bit upset, but AIBU to be a bit miffed? I just thought she thought more of me than to let me find out at the same time as 500 others..

My sister announced her engagement on fb but my mum & dad were one of the first to know (I’m her only sibling) and her partner told his mum and dad.

My BIL (husbands brother) announced his engagement on fb but his mum already knew and his partners family all knew before it was announced on fb.

I couldn’t care less how it was announced, everyone is different.

You do things your way and your friend does things her way. It’s her life, it’s about her and her partner and how she wishes to announce the pregnancy is her choice. Just be happy for her

Seems a pretty efficient way of telling people, OP. I wouldn't fret about it.

I barely told anyone I was pregnant except people I saw face to face, most friends found out via FB when the baby was born.
Some people just find it awkward to let people know one by one. it's not that she doesn't value you OP she just wanted a simple quick way to tell everyone.

I had the same thing happen to me, and also found it hurtful. It was a sign that me and my best friend were drifting apart. We stopped speaking several months after that happened.

By doing it this way she has taken ownership of the announcement and the news has come from her to many in one message. When I had my DS a mutual acquaintance overheard my DH on the phone to his parents letting them know DS had arrived (he was born early and took us all by surprise). Within minutes of this person hearing the conversation/seeing my DH outside the maternity unit they had posted a congratulations message on my fb wall. I hadn't even told my parents as they were both at work. I then felt I had to post a rushed 'baby is here' post so the news came from me once I had gotten hold of my parents. This person may have meant well but it wasn't their place to announce my news.
Especially with lockdown and not being able to see people face to face its easier to tell everyone in one message than having to phone numerous people and have the exact same conversation over and over.

I know how you feel. It hurts doesn't it?
I found out 10 years ago that one of my very good friends died as her boyfriend at the time announced it on Facebook. I'd only been to the hospital to see her 2 days previously.
I was soooo upset. She was my best friend at school and is known her since we were 13 and still saw each other every 2 months on a regular basis. We were both 38 when she passed.
I can understand why he did it as he probably didn't think to let everyone know individually and I also understood grief makes people do weird things. Didn't stop me being hurt though.

I wouldn't be telling her anything either OP. She can find out your news from your Facebook feed.

YABU.

It seems childish to be upset at someone because they chose to do things differently than you. You chose to tell your best friend first and your best friend decided to just tell everyone in one go instead of notifying people individually. You act as if because she’s your best friend and godmother of your child she needs to reciprocate and you should have been told individually. She could be dealing with other pregnancy-related issues or other issues on top of being pregnant. Deal with your feelings, call her up, say how happy and excited you are for her and if she needs anything let you know.

@Greycloudofdoom Oh GAWD! Yes YABU. And don't be like this.

When I was pregnant with my first, I got such a snotty attitude from several people because they weren't 'the first to know,' including a work colleague of DH's who I barely fucking knew! He had known her since school, and DH said she cried when she saw him, and said she was devastated that she 'had to find out from someone else' that we were expecting!

Then an old workmate of mine who I worked with for 2 years (and hadn't worked with for 7 years,) told my cousin she was 'really upset' that I hadn't contacted her straight away to tell her I was pregnant.

And several acquaintances of my extended family too... Went off on one as they didn't hear about it for 'weeks' after other people found out.

I don't need people like this in my life. Just bore off FFS.

As I said, don't be that person!

Maybe she didn’t want to tell anyone till she was at the 12 week mark not to jinx it and got excited and just posted about it.

I’ve known my best friend for 32 years. If she did this I’d be a bit I’d probably text her ‘oi where was my heads up instead of treating me like one the peasants’

When I was pregnant with my first, I got such a snotty attitude from several people because they weren't 'the first to know,' including a work colleague of DH's who I barely fucking knew! hmm He had known her since school, and DH said she cried when she saw him, and said she was devastated that she 'had to find out from someone else' that we were expecting! hmm

Maybe it was grief that you’d trapped him

I don't really understand the whol hierarchy-of-importance way of thinking.

Ie, that you first tell the "important people", and then rank all your family and friends in order of importance, and tell them important things in the right order

I don't actually (luckily) know anyone who thinks like this

You must go around being constantly offended by people and how they do things

I just don't understand it

Can't you just be happy for her?

At least she didn't tell you via a card from a multipack...

YANBU

This is the world we live in these days.

I find it WEIRD that rather than tell your close friends and family separately, which is such a special moment for both of you, showing off on facebook to 500+ people you're not that close with is more of a priority...

But people think YOU are the weird one...

Stick with the friends who live in the real word OP.

l'd be a bit hurt TBH.
I know that's not a popular opinion but I'm older & remember the days before social media where an announcement between best friends was a lovely occasion. I know times have changed & I fully accept that this is the way things are done now. However the OP did make an effort to tell her best friend individually so I can understand the hurt.
So many posters trying to accuse the OP of making it all about herself, this seems really harsh. Best friends do tend to share things first or should do.

Me and my cousin are best friends and when she was pregnant with her DS she told me as soon as she'd had the test, no one else knew.

Second time around she told me in April this year she was 20 weeks pregnant. I'd seen her (prior to lockdown) and we text daily so not like she hadn't had a chance.

I could have understood if she'd not told anyone until the scan, but she'd told her mum group of friends very early on and lots of others knew following the 12 week scan. I did end up breaking down over it and told her (kindly) why I was upset. She just made some excuses and was only sorry that I was upset.

We moved on but it's not the same and I'll never forget. I'm still incredibly hurt and baffled. I just don't understand why and I guess I never will. It's made me change how I think of our relationship though. She clearly thinks far less of me than I do her.

It's difficult as I haven't been able to discuss it with anyone as we are family.

So I totally get it op. It's about what it signifies about your friendship.

@PeggyPorschen

I was actually hurt, all the time she had been a bit off, and i would have hoped that if something had happened, i would have been close enough to help if needed. I just felt from there, we obviously weren't as close as i thought we were.

It's sad, you are turning everything about YOU whilst she was probably very anxiously waiting for the relative safety of the 12 weeks. And you cannot know in advance if you will need space or help if something happens.

Well a friendship goes 2 ways, and I was 50% of it, so yeah, her basically not telling me when we saw each other on very regular basis, and lying about why she was not drinking is about me, why would it be about anyone else.

Not that it matters now, she ghosted me anyway - so it was obvious i was more invested in the relationship than she was

@switswooo

I wouldn't be telling her anything either OP. She can find out your news from your Facebook feed.

if I had friends making such drama and making everything about themselves, I don't think we could stay close for very long. It must be exhausting to be surrounded by people like that. I prefer REAL friends, but each to their own.

i don;t think you are being unreasonable

A FB post says she doesn't really care if you know or not. Unless you are tagged in it - you could have a day in meetings, no checking FB and not see it and then its down the bottom of any list.

So i'd be upset, a text/whats app would be far better, even if done at same time as the post. that shows she wanted YOU to know.

I dont think you are being unreasonable for being a bit miffed, you obviously value your friendship in a way where you would tell your nearest and dearest this sort of information first. I understand you may be a bit hurt as it may come across as your friend doesn't value your friendship the same way as you? I recently found out a friend if mine was expecting via facebook, I was very shocked by the news and a little upset she did not tell me but it is up to her how she announces these things so I haven't let it bother me. I think if she new the fertility issues we were having (probably contributed to me being upset)she may have approached me before posting but who knows! Try not to let it get your back up

would you feel the same if you found out your DD was pregnant or engaged on Facebook and chose not to tell you?

Your dd isn't exactly comparable to a mate, but, in all honesty, those life events would be about my dd and not me, I had my time, and did my announcements my own way, and I respect my dcs rights to do things their own way and I will be as supportive as they need at whatever level they want.

I think you have every right to be upset. Isn't it just common courtesy to tell your friends before?

Someone I considered to be a very close friend announced her daughter had been born a week after the birth on Facebook, and that was the first I heard of it. I was so upset, but even more so when a few weeks later we met up as a group and I found out that all of our other friendship group had known she was being admitted to the hospital to be induced so I'd been completely left out.

Sometimes people just don't think, other times it shows their true colours.

Can see both sides here, but tbh I think its a little silly to be upset about this. I didn't tell friends seperately or anything, I told family, then announced it to others..a friend told a few friends about her pregnancy and told them to keep it quiet as she was only 8 weeks and obviusly things can change, but they spread it round everyone, and then sadly she lost the pregnancy. She said she found everyone knowing and apologising about it really distressing. That was the exact reason she kept it to close friends and family only, just incase.

DH found out his grandma had died on facebook. I swear its the devils tool.